Try and control your stress levels
by, 08-31-2009 at 06:50 PM (615 Views)
That's what my doctor told me. Let's see...in the past year, I've broken up with my fiance, bought my first house, lost my job, got a new job by taking a huge paycut, faced foreclosure, and now have been diagnosed with a chronic illness that has no blueprint and no cure. I can't take joy from the things I used to, like laying on the beach in the sun, going outside without a thought to the penetrating rays of the sun, or not thinking about the hours of 9 and 5 in any other terms other than the beginning and end of the work day. Now they mark the times that I need to take my medication. But no problem, doc! I'll manage those stress levels just fine.
Every now and then, in the depths of the night, when I lie in my bed and obsessively ponder the mistakes that I've made, the tiny little voice screams at me "who's going to want you now, with Lupus?". I try so hard to block out this voice, this shrill vocalization of my deepest fear, that I will lie alone for the rest of my life, without anyone to hold me and tell me that I'm safe, that I'm not a freak, that they love me more than anything.....I'm so tired yet I can't sleep. But off to try once again.