Another day, same crap

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So I've been in a really big flare since January and can't seem to catch a break. I started plaquenil just over three months ago now and haven't really seen a change. I have major hive break outs, which seem random, am in so much pain, and can't seem to sleep very well at all. I wake up almost every night in a major sweat and it's so uncomfortable. I've developed a new symptom, pleurisy. This mkes it hard to do anything exerting, let alone jus breathing sometimes. I don't really have many friends; I have a lot of people that know me and know they can call me at three in the morning to pick their drunk asses up, but they're not the types to have lunch with me or go to a movie or to be there for me to vent to. It's so hard that I don't have really anybody to talk to. Went to the rheumy earlier this week and he walked in and says he's concerned about my psychological health. It starts to take a toll on me and I'm so depressed lately. I don't have a network outside of work and that's not much of a network. This is the only place I can come to get away from things. I'm definitely not religious so going to church isn't a good option for me, I'd love to go back to school and create a network there but with my schedue for work it is absolutely impossible to do without missing every third class and most professors won't allow that. The only other hobby I have is photography and there isn't much of a network there unless you work at a studio or are in classes. I'd love to volunteer but I just can't afford to. I would like to get a second job but I plan on doing nursing school online starting in September so I really won't have time to and my boyfriend is strongly discouraging it. The good news is that my rheumy put me on Mobic and I've had instant relief from that. I'm continuing with the Plaquenil, maybe that will start to kick in soon. My parents are getting a divorce and my sister has completely lost her mind, consulting for a boob job, getting collagen injections in her lips, going to parties and completely getting high and wasted. All of this is hard to deal with even though we're not close at all. My mom calls me screaming because my sister did this or my dad did that. That all starts to bleed into my life. It doesn't help that my mom is bipolar and doesn't take her medicine. Oh and did I mention my sister is 20?! The medical bills are stacking up and I'd like to be able to buy a new dishwasher but that's not going to happen this year. So far I've spent a quarter of my income this year on medical bills and I'm so not done. My insurance kicked some of it back and I maxed out on my out of pocket expenses. All of my rheumy appointments aren't covered. Anyway, just needed to vent. Feeling a little better emotionally now.
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  1. joaney's Avatar
    It alway's helps to let it all out. Life can be challengeing at times, but try and push through, remembering that there are better days ahead. When you say you don't really have anybody to talk to, you need to know that you have all of us. You mentioned having a boyfriend, and i'm wondering if you are able to confide in him? Sometimes it also helps to keep a diary of how your feeling, and although you may not be phsically talking to someone, I still find you feel alot better after putting it all down on paper.

    I have a friend who suffers from bipolar, and I know it can be hard. It's one extreme to another. I understand that your mother needs you right now, and it's good that you can both be there for each other, but as for your friends who need a ride home at 3am, maybe try not answereing the phone lol. You need to focus more on your self, and try to worry a little less about other people's problems and responsibilities. I hope this has helped in some small way...And I hope your feeling better soon. Sending you a big HUG from the land down under..Joaney.
  2. Angel Oliver's Avatar
    Oh my lovely girl, so stressed,so much to deal with for one person.Please keep coming here and get it all out.I feel so sad you are going through all this on top of a flare as well. But you need to make time for yourself.
    I too dont have anyone,i too have felt really low lately on top of the pain.So, on tuesday im booked in for a cheap haircut n a massage.
    You need to do something like this,something for YOU,to forget for half an hour.
    Remember this deep despair will pass,things will all come together.I know yur family are in turmoil,but you can not worry about everyone n everything all the time....not good for you.So try n make time for you.I know another human,a friend would be better,but maybe ask your boyfriend...go for a picnic near the water or just sit somewhere peaceful,together or alone n read a book.Or like i said,come here....we care...i care.
    You are so strong having all this to deal with,even though you wont feel it right now.
    Im thinking of you.