leaann

I post my first blog here

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Well here it goes... My name is Lea I live in a very small town of South Carolina called Jackson. It is about 5 miles from Augusta Ga.

My family and I moved here about 5 years ago. That's when we bought our first house. I was married in 1998 to a very wonderful man, it was my second marrage. The first one we want talk about, just to say I had 3 beautiful children with him and he introdued me to my wonderful husband.

When I was 18 years old I had a child named Sarah she was born with Anencephaly and past away when she was 5 hours old. I had 2 miscarriges before her and was told that I would never have children. Due to my love of children I set out to prove the doctors wrong, and later had a beautiful little girl who now will be 21 in jan of 2010. Only a year and half later I had a son who will be 19 this year. I was also blessed with another son my baby Harley. He was born only 13 months after my oldest son, and would have been 18 years old, but his life was not an easy on as his life ended in 1998 when he was only 6 years old.

When I met my second husband Allen he took on the responsiblity of my 3 children as I took on the responsiblity of his 4 children, even though Allen had not been married before I was going to be his first real family. We were married in May of 1998. Allen knew all of what he was getting into with a ready made family and taking on a wife that seem to have an illness at that time that did not seem as bad as it would get over the years. We met in 1995 and within 3 days of knowing each other we had moved in and decided we wanted to spend our lifes together but it tok almost 3 years for us to get married.

only 5 months in to our marrage we lost of little boy Harley in a drowning accident. This rocked our world and almost tore our family apart. I spent any years in depression because of this. All while trying to deal with my illness getting worse. None the less My husband stood by me all the way.

In the past 4 years since we bought our house has my condition got worse. We have been lucky to find a very wonderful doctor who has finally started to give us some answers.

Durning the last 4 years my daughter moved out got married---she has only been married for less then a year and is already for a divorce. She has decided to change her lifestyle and left her husband for another ---a women.. Don't understand young people... Though she is working and attending nursing school tries to be a good kid...on the other hand my son he just graduated from High school with honors... sits at home and want get a job and plans on going to collage in August. (he on the other hand never does anything wrong as he want leave the house) but does try to take care of his mom when his dad can't. I think thats alot of why he want do anything. Makes me cry sometimes about it.

In the last year I haved faced many challanges with my health. I have and eating disorder and carry a list with me of foods that I can not eat. I think it would be easier to carry a list of food that I can eat, (the list would be shorter)I am running of out food to eat as my problem get worse. The doctor does not know what to do if I get to the point where I can not eat at all...

I am slowly losing my hearing due to sever ear issues. I fear one day I wil not hear anything again it has gotten that day. Most days my legs hate me and my arms abandon me when I need them most due to all the pain and swelling of my joints.

I was recenly dignosed with dibates which can not be controlled due to my eat problems...(sugar is one of the foods I can eat) if they take it away I will not be able to eat at all... which really sucks...

I just went in to early menapause(spelling) hot flashes are a B***h...which does not help that I have raynauds so trying to combat hot flashes with cold gets really aggervating at times....

I did have a job. however I spent a many of years at home taking care of my kids, but 3 years ago I went to work for a call center where I had worked my way up to supervisor, but due to my illness did not work out. I lost my job in Feb of this year just as my condition was to it worst. All along my husband by myside. Even though he has had his own battle with diabetes and high blood pressure, he ignores it all to take care of me which scares me to death.

last year my wonderful mother was dignosed with kidney cancer and we are lucky that they were able to remove all her cancer, but she still has problems as the kidney she had cancer in was on her only kidney as she was born with one kidney. My mom lives about 50 miles from me and I can not see her as much as I can due to my illness but I talk to her everyday. My dad on the other hand has had his share of illness but is getting alot better. I only have one sibling and he is mentaly challaged and lives at home with my parents. I am the only one who is left to try and take care of them, so I have been hiding most of my illness from them so that they don't worry. My husband tries to take care of us all but I know sometimes it gets him down.

His family is not much help, his father passed away in 97 he was waiting for a liver transplant. His only sibling is a drug addict and is no good and his mother adors (spelling) this drug addict... A situation no one understands.

The stress in my life right now is horrible but I am trying to deal with it. right now I am spending about 3 months good and one month bad... I am in the bad month right now. Hoping soon that a good month will come along.

I am to the point where I just about can't drive and cooking dinner and washing closthes for my family is big task... as we say around here I do it in steps and I am slow with it but it is what is working for the here and now.

The doctors seem to think that I will get answer about my condition either I will be dignosed with RA or Lupus. I have searched the internet over on both and have the feeling I am going to get dignosed with Lupus I have to many symptoms and signs. It is scary but I am gald that I took the step to find this wonderful place where I hope to call my second home.

I have alot of questions and I am looking for alot of answers that I am sure I will get down the road.

thanks to all for being here and listening to all of us who need a place like this...

I know I may have posted some of this before but felt I needed to explain more or maybe I just want to scream .... (to where My family want here me)
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Comments

  1. rob's Avatar
    Thanks for sharing your story. You have seen some terrible tragedy, but you also have some amazing blessings. Your husband sounds like an outstanding person, a man who stands by you no matter what. And you proved those doctors wrong and had four wonderful children. I am very, very sorry, that your son Harley, and daughter Sarah are no longer with you. I can't begin to imagine the pain that such a loss would bring. You have some serious challenges in your life. Things can be so hard, like you said, you want to scream. I'm glad you found this place, and I thank you for telling your story, I know some of it was hard to write. Talking really does help.

    Rob
    Updated 07-07-2009 at 11:33 AM by rob
  2. leaann's Avatar
    Thanks Rob,
    I do want to scream alot but I work through it. There is a time in my life after my son Harley passed that I don't have any memory of it. I have been told by people who know me that some was good and some was bad, Like just last week my husband took me to this ice cream shop in town because I could not remember going there. Even when we got there I still could not remember going there. I often wonder if those memory problems have something to do with my medical problems now and not the fact that I was greiving over my son. It's just something I have always wondered, but aggervates me I don't remember the ice cream shop. But I hope I don't forget the trip there with my husband. My mind is not what it use to be.

    Also with my son Harley I often wondered if he did not have some of my medical problems as he spent 3 years of his life in the hospital when he was born and had a lot of the eating problems that I had. Just thinking and trying to figure it all out...

    I am the type to try to find out a reason for something then thinking I can fix it. Sometimes it works and some times it don't.

    thanks
  3. MicRoMediC's Avatar
    Wow this is a truly inspiring story. I was diagnosed with the Lupus anticoagulant antibody and was told it will be hard for me to have children due to it being a clotting factor in my blood. I have an extremely high risk for miscarriages. You have gone through so many things and are still so strong for your children and your husband. Thanks for sharing your story. Looking forward to more posts from you. Thoughts and prayers always.
  4. leaann's Avatar
    Thanks MicRoMedic,

    I am sorry to hear you are high risk for miscarrages. I was told that in the begenning but I never let it slow me down, I knew I could get what I wanted even though it was alot of hard ache, I wouldn't change any of it in the world to get the kids I have..

    My daughter just had a miscarrage in jan. and she is dealing with it pretty hard as I think it has split up her and her huband and they have only been married 11 months. It can take alot out of you.

    I just keep pushing on and when someone tells me I can't I just show them I can...
  5. Angel Oliver's Avatar
    Wow my heart broke reading your story.So very sorry for the loss of your beautiful children.Im so glad you have a loving husband.You are a strong soul and hopefully we will make your journey a little easier and help you through it.Sorry ive not been in here much,so its taken a while to give you a message.So sad as well about your daughter and what she has gone n going through too.
    I hope your life begins to ease.You are a positive inspiring person even though life has been so sad for you...well done!
    Im sending you a gentle hug and hope i can help you in some small way when you need it.
    lots of love
    Amanda.xxxxxx