by, 05-17-2009 at 08:52 AM (909 Views)
Well my family (except me) has gone camping. I try to put on a brave face as they leave. The fact is I don't like being left alone. There is the whole aspect of not being able to do what I used to be able to do. Then there is the other side the fact that I am afraid to be left alone. The only thing that keeps me sane is my dogs. You see I have been the victim of a violent crime twice. Once on the streets as a teenage runaway and once in my own home when I lived by myself. At 16 I was held in bondage by a police officer. When I was 24 and I lived by myself and someone broke into my house and pulled me out of bed in the middle of the night. So I am afraid of being attacked again and I am afraid of the help that is supposed to come when you need it. I know god made forgiveness to help ourselves. If we don't forgive we hold on to anger that eats at our hearts. I have forgiven everyone but myself. The problem is I can't forget! So here I stay boarded up in my room except to let the dogs out, eat, go to the bathroom and to be on the computer for awhile. I am just so afraid at least I made it through the worst, all the nights. The boys will be back today. Whew I made it through the storm! Alone again, but not for long now!