MicRoMediC

5.6.09

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Wow. Today is bad, really bad. Keith, my boyfriend, is downstairs with his buddies playing poker, (it's our turn to host). I guess I should back up and start from the beginning. I woke up this morning dead tired. I then went to school and have been very lethargic all day. One of my classmates asked me if I had bruises under my eyes because that's how bad I looked. After lunch I started getting a really bad headache and my body started aching all over. We got out of class at 5 and I came home and cleaned up the house a little and made food for the guys. I sat down for like five minutes and had to come upstairs to lay down. I can't stand for but a few seconds without getting light headed and dizzy and foggy. THIS FREAKING SUCKS. I want to be down there being a good host and do the typical beer run or whatever. These are my friends too and I would love to socialize with them but I just physically can't. I HATE that I have to limit myself. I used to be so active and bubbly, now I can barely stand to get out of bed at some times. I just want to cry. I'm so depressed and I feel so lonely, though I'm physically not alone. I just wish I could dump freaking Lupus.
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  1. Rastagirl's Avatar
    I feel terrible for you...I'm so sorry you're suffering....both with the physical stuff and the emotional pain that Lupus brings to us. It's such a rotten disease that steals some of the best things from us...from our lives. Your words really hit home for me. I always felt like one of the worst things Lupus did to me was to take away the fun, happy, bubbly person I was and take away my ability to be part of the things I loved to do...the people I loved to be with. It's just so damn unfair. Especially the part where life just seems to go on without you...almost like it doesn't even miss a beat. Everyone else seems to go on with their lives and their fun and their plans, and you have your life and your body stolen from you. That hurts so much. I hate that Lupus can take you away from your friends having fun and force you to go lie down and be alone and in pain. That's the lonliest part of this disease, for me anyway.

    And as a woman who likes to take care of people, especially as a host for my friends, I feel your pain there too. When it's something you've always been able to do and you enjoy the job of entertaining and hosting, it's really hard when you just can't do it.

    I wish I had some magic words to say that would make it all better. Instead I'll have to settle for....I'm sorry....and I understand your pain and suffering. Those words seem totally inadequate to cover the horribleness of Lupus, but I had to let you know that I care and I understand, and let you know that even though it feels like it right now, you're not alone....I'm thinking of you. And I care very much.

    Gentle Hugs......Lori
  2. dsunshine's Avatar
    I feel the same exact way! I have been having a bad day ALL WEEK! My mood is low/depressed and energy is low! I completly understand how you feel except I do feel alone and isolated. I think this site helps us all to vent and say what is on our mind or share our feelings and you are totally valid in what you feel and say.
    I do hope the coming days we all feel better and do better. I look forward to reading about you being in remission and this is my prayer for you and myself as well.
  3. Angel Oliver's Avatar
    Oh micro so sorry to hear how bad you feel. Unfortunately your body needs rest as much as you need that energy and well being. We are all here for you and im sure your poker buddies will so understand and wouldnt want you to feel bad at not being with them.You need to rest to heal. I pray as the days go on you begin to feel better.We are all here for you.Wish i too had that magic wand.....but instead you have al our words to help instead.sending you gentle hugs.Love
    Angel.xxxxxxx
  4. MicRoMediC's Avatar
    Thanks to everyone. I'm feeling a lot better this week. This weekend was great and I'm feeling "good" again. I can only hope to feel this good all the time. Anyway, thanks for the support, it truly meant a lot during this time of need.