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  1. It's the little things I miss

    First, this is not a downer blog entry. Life is fluid and you have to ride the wave and I have certainly had numerous tsunamis in my life! By the way, they usually end up working out far better than if I had stayed in the status quo. But since 2006 when the fibro first set in so much has changed. For two years I struggled for a diagnosis and still managed to work and workout. I got laid off in 2008 and for some reason got so much sicker. Maybe I just finally had time to realize the pain, who ...
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  2. There are good things too

    As I have read back over what I have told you about myself I realize that I haven't said anything about the good things. Maybe, sometimes, I need to remind myself about the good things. So here it goes:
    I have a 16 year old daughter who is very smart, beautiful, and musically talented. We share a very close relationship that may not have developed so well if I hadn't gotten sick, it brought us closer. I don't lie to her about the realities and she trusts me enough to share everything with ...
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  3. my journey

    In about 2002 I started getting migraine headaches, and occasoinally my hands would just become to painful to use. The headaches could last for days, but the hand thing would come on suddenly and be better by morning. They did an MRI and told me it was normal and the headaches must be from stress. Over the next couple years I began to develop frequent kidney and bladder infections, plueresy, back pain. The doctors would treat whatever condition I had and didn't seem to think there was any underlying ...
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  4. Sometimes it's time to cry

    I was raised not to cry. My mom is a beautiful person and very caring and loving but crying always freaked her out and she'd do everything in her power to make us stop. A therapist once told me it was because it was something she was powerless over and couldn't make us feel better so not crying made her feel like she had healed the pain. As I've grown and had a child of my own, I've made it very clear that crying is extremely okay in my house! I think tears are God's version of pain pills -- ...
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  5. trying for a baby

    Ive had lupus for 11 years, just turned 25 on monday and have been thinkin about starting a family, everytime I ask the doc, I'm always told that it would be very difficult for both me and the baby and could probably make my health a lot worse than it is. I really dont want lupus to dictate this part of my life, it has dictated everyother aspect of my life, I used to be a sporty child and had my life mapped out all I ever wanted to do is join the police and have kids, obv i cant join the police ...
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