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  1. I refuse to let Lupus own my memories!

    Today I was out and about, actually feeling pretty good. I hate being as weak as I am these days but I felt inspired to dust off the treadmill and start working out tomorrow. I love to work out and I love to be strong. Undoubtedly I'll be sick again before I can get very far but it might be worth a start.

    I started thinking, "I don't want this part of my life to be my "loudest" memories." I have to say, a lot of life-changing things have taken place in a very ...
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  2. The Find

    Things fall apart
    at the slightest touch
    New words cannot be found
    only the old, looping
    round and around.

    Insanity can be found
    here,
    and here.

    Pain, of course,
    everywhere.

    Reading Rilke,
    I try to breathe
    but am drowned
    in his sea of beauty.

    His sea, mind,
    not mine,
    And for the first time
    I find myself
    bitter.


    - Shaista ...
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  3. Just exhausted.

    I have had a terrible time recently. The owners of my home decided to rewire and put a new kitchen in. Everybody said wow think a new kitchen. I went HELP. It has been like moving home but not moving anywhere everything had to be packed and sent into store for a week I had a sofa my telly and my bed while the house was in turmoil around me. Everything is back in the house now. I have emptied the boxes and just about put everything away. I now have to think about redecorating every room. Tell me ...
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  4. Finally lost it

    I have a lot of patience when it comes to my kid. I mean, I've never raised a hand to him and I'm very cautious about the things I say. I one of those big "positive reinforcement" people. With his autism, I've had so much coaching and for the most part, raised a kid who thinks well of himself. But today I lost it.

    We got ten inches of snow here in the Midwest No big deal. I had prepared and we had plenty of food and games and movies. But last night my son bought a ...
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  5. Normal

    Wow, it's the first day I've felt normal in SO long! I have energy and can think. It's the first day in longer than I can remember that I actually really, really wished I was employed and had things to do that required me to think and contribute. Usually I'm too exhausted, regardless of my seemingly endless sleep, to even consider working but today was that mental kick that reminded me of the real life I used to have. I just started on a new antidepressent after I was spending literally 15 hours ...
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