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  1. Not another day in paradise

    It's another day of utterly pure, profound fatigue. The phone rings around 10:30am and I can barely move to get up and get it. When I do, the caller has already hung up. I can feel the tiredness hang around my shoulders like a rock-solid cape. I do what I always do, I grab a soda and pray that the caffiene in the soda will perk me up but it doesn't. Nothing does. My mom calls soon after and honestly, I'm not in the mood to pretend like I feel well. I want to go back to bed so I start the ...
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  2. ANother Psych Appt.

    This time it was with the state. Gee, let's consolidate folks and save some money and time! But he was nice enough and it went fast enough. I'm just the proverbial fish they're stringing along!

    Oh, I also have the follow up appt. with my second rheum doctor on MOnday. She took a ton of new blood tests and wants me to come in for the results. No telling what that will mean. I'll just take it all one day at a time. NO MORE BAD NEWS!

    I hope all is well with everyone ...
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  3. I feel good today

    I never thought I would write those words again! It's been so long since I simply felt pain as mild as my usual fibro pain, I was sure my fate was sealed. But today I can think and move and even get a little restless! It's a miracle! I don't know if this will last but I wanted to write it down and take a moment to thank God for even this one day. It gives me hope. If, and it's a big if, tomorrow is like today, I will be able to decorate for Christmas. Please God, just for my son, let me have ...
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  4. Too much to bare

    I am not frantic anymore or fighting to find the answer to all the questions about Lupus. Perhaps the best way to describe my feelings are, "I give up." I'm worn out from fighting with the doctors and waiting on the blood tests. I'm exhausted from trying to explain a condition to people who don't even believe I have the condition. I have no way to move things along when it comes to disability so I'll probably end up living with my parents. I love them but the blend of their family ...
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  5. God's will

    I'm not a fluid writer anymore and there is so little advice can offer advice with any authority. I often wonder what I would be like in a work setting. Would I be that woman that drives everyone crazy? You and I know her/him. Always the know it all but seldom correct. Anymore I don't jump into conversations because even if I'm certain of the topic, I won't get the full sentence out before I forget what I was saying. Today my son was reliving one of our favorite programs that was just on last ...
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