Blog Comments

  1. Moonbeam's Avatar
    Don't let your parents get to you, Nonna. You know you are not ignorant. Try to get a breather, even if it is only going outside for a few moments. Are you ever able to get away for a little while? No one can do this caregiving 24/7. I hope you have some help. Feel free to contact me at anytime for online support.
  2. Moonbeam's Avatar
    Nonna, I went through this with my Mom and Dad before they went into assisted living. Mom had Alzheimer's really bad. She was a nightmare. Poor thing. She was in bad shape. I used to snap at her too. We would get into it. My poor dad was left in the middle. They both knew I loved them terribly though. We were family and all would be forgiven. Now I just miss them and remember the good times we had before Mom got mentally sick and Dad got physically sick with cancer. They both passed a few years ago. It was both a relief and not a relief at the same time. Nobody knows what this is like until they go through it themselves. It isn't pretty.
    Updated 03-30-2014 at 08:08 AM by Moonbeam
  3. Nonna's Avatar
    Well, my sister finally showed up to visit and stay with my parents. I took off for my son's house for some time and then went to my daughters. Rested I've now returned.

    Mother is better physically, mentally is another story. One of my friends told me about Sharon Sala, I think that's her name on Facebook. She deals with her mother and calls her Little Mama. She tells funny stories that make me feel better. I think maybe I can find the humor in some of the situations that happen, but so far I just have the Italian restaurant story

    We're at the table and I ask Mother what she wants to order. She tells me what do I usually get? Cheese Ravioli Mom. Ok that's what I want. We order and five minutes later.... What am I going to eat? Cheese Ravioli Mom............five minutes later........ What am I going to eat? Cheese Ravioli Mom. This went on until our plates arrived. Mom: What's this? Cheese ravioli Mom. The surprising thing out of all this was that she ate all but one, usually she eats only3 or 4.

    Well now that she feels better, she moves rapidly around the house. Forgetting her crane or walker. She fell again while I was gone, so I have to watch her like a hawk. She doesn't like that and is giving me nasty looks. So here I go back, hoping the rest of this year goes better than the first 3 months.

    Needing good thoughts and hugs
    Updated 04-01-2014 at 09:25 AM by Nonna
  4. Nonna's Avatar
    I know, the situation is getting worse for me. I think I'll have to confront things sooner than later.
  5. Moonbeam's Avatar
    It just gets to the point where you have to bring up assisted living. My mom had advanced alzheimers and nothing would please her. She was driving me crazy. For my own sanity, mom and dad had to go into a home. I couldn't bathe mom anymore. My back would go into spasms and then I had to go to the chiropractor (which at that time I could not afford). Poor dad had it worse than me. Mom started to get physically violent and hit him when he disagreed with her over things. We didn't know at the time he had a form of bone cancer. Believe me, he had the patience of the bibical Job. It isn't selfishness. It is doing what is best for them, even if they don't think so.
  6. Nonna's Avatar
    I woke to horrible dreams this morning, it made me feel like everything good about my life is being taken from me. I know that this is just a passing thing. A feeling of being overwhelmed, being out of control.

    Out of control of my life, as if I was ever in control. Never have I been in control there has always been someone else there to make or help me make decisions. Even when I was a single mom I was not in control - doing what was best for the kids. Now I'm doing what is best for my parents; what they want. I feel like I'm not in control.

    What is control? Everyone always wants to control things. I know I have to and want to trust that The Lord God knows what he is doing, but why am I tormented with bad dreams. I want to cry but can't. I want hugs, but none are freely given. I'm feeling alone in the crowd again; everyone supposedly understands. But no one truly offers help.

    Lord I trust in you, lord I praise your name.
  7. Nonna's Avatar
    Thanks for sharing your story, Mica. My Dad has a heart condition and he just wants everything status quo. Good days far out weigh the bad at the moment. I know down the road I'll have to take those step, but as they need each other we'll just take it slow
  8. Mica's Avatar
    I took care of my grandmother the last few years of her life and she lived with my mom and I. I took care of her because my mom worked a lot. My grandmother was horrible, she was a mean spiteful woman to the day she died, and it got to the point I had to put her in a home because mentally she was making my lupus worse. I couldn't feel guilty at all because she was unmanageable, the final straw was on a bad lupus day she decided she wanted a shower so I told her please wait for my mom or tomorrow when her bath lady came. She wouldn't have it, decided to do it her self and it made me so stressed and physically worn because she got her way to make me help.
    Can you get caregivers, they will come into the home to help. That way it takes some of the stress off of you. It's like a step before assistant living.
  9. Nonna's Avatar
    Well, two nice days without an incident. I hope I haven't jinxed myself saying it. I'm feeling better emotionally, bad times only when Mom losses it. I'm having severe pain in my left shoulder elbow and wrist . Thought at first it was arthritis, because tests showed I have carpel tunnel in that wrist. Thinking that the elbow and shoulder pain are related. See Doc. On the twenty third. Had a brain fog moment and grabbed a right wrist brace instead of a left one. Gotta go back tomorrow and switch them out. I swam today and made it for 25 minutes before my wrist and hand exploded in horrid pain, being in the deep end I quickly got to swallow water and climbed out. The hot tub felt real good and I did another 15 minutes. I got to cook tonite, Mom helped. I went and got her so we could cook together. I think I did the right thing there. Well, my wrist is hurting again, more another time.
  10. Nonna's Avatar
    Merry Christmas to all. We had a family emergency this year. My son in laws father had a brain bleed. The family went down to be with him; they did an angiogram to find the problem and repair it. That was yesterday. He's still unconscious. My grandson is here with me and we both feel very alone. Friends want us to be with them; but it's not the same as family. I sit here and pray for him to recover. But I also feel guilty about not liking my situation. Loneliness is something we all feel at one time or another.

    I think it also stems from my failed marriage my shyness and inability to make friends. That's very hard for me and those friends I have have their own families and lives. I saw that when we gathered at chuch last night and talked about family and loved ones. I was alone. I'm still alone. The Lupus makes me feel worse; especially not being able to pull myself together. I spend the afternoon cooking and doing dishes. I am so wiped and overwhelmed emotionally with all that has happened that I I want to do is cry. I need to go and try again.

    Hugs and Merry Christmas to all (and to all Good Night)
  11. Kristyxx's Avatar

    It's okay to be frustrated; we all have our moments. I understand where you're coming from with feeling alone; but know that you aren't, you have all of us here(!) and we understand where you're coming from. You aren't a downer; you have every right to feel upset and down, what you're going through is hard. Personally, I try to remember that if we were never had hard times we'd never have good times. In this life we are never given anything we can't handle; I am sure you have the strength to get through this.

    All the best,
  12. Mica's Avatar
    I feel your pain, we all on this site know what your feeling right now. I think something along what you wrote goes through my head at least once a day.
  13. Saysusie's Avatar
    I, too, have horrific nightmares (sleep disturbances as my doctors like to call them). My doctors attribute mine to my Fibromyalgia (it is a common symptom of FM). As such, I have to take something to help me go into a deep sleep. If I do not, I suffer from the nightmares. My nightmares are also recurring (there are two specific ones that occur over and over again). I love Elo's interpretation of yours
    Perhaps you should mention your sleep issues to your doctors as your sleep disturbances could be a symptom of your underlying illness and there may be something that they can do to help you.
    I wish you the very best.
  14. Saysusie's Avatar
    Yes, we are all here for you and you are not alone. Warm Hugs Nonna!

  15. Saysusie's Avatar
    I am sending good thoughts your way. I don't have a lot of advice for you other than, please don't give up. I know how difficult it can be to keep pushing when you seem to run into walls at every turn.
    Please know that you are not alone and that we are here for you. Sending you warm thoughts and warm hugs!
  16. Nonna's Avatar
    Or did it begin with the pain in my foot, when I was eight.
  17. Nonna's Avatar
    Elio thanks so much . You young ones are so much better at the Internet than us old foggies. My daughter thinks pretty much the same
  18. Elo's Avatar
    Okay, without consulting a dream site, i'll just wing it and explain how I see it.
    In both dreams, you are travelling on a path when something happens to make the travel either harder, or impossible. If you think of the path like your life, then it could be that you're facing unresolved issues with accepting something that has made your life harder, or maybe something that you feel (Even subconsciously) that has stopped your life short.
    Now, consulting a dream dictionary... A bridge signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life.

    "Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. If the bridge is over water, then it suggests that your transition will be an emotional one. If you fall off the bridge and into the water, then the dream indicates that you are letting your emotions hold you back and prevent you from moving forward. Alternatively, the bridge may indicate that you are trying to "bridge" or connect two things together"
    "To dream of a run-down bridge indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time.
    To see a bridge collapse in your dream implies that you have let an important opportunity pass you by."

    I'm not sure if any of that speaks to you, but I hope it does.

    "To dream that you are stranded on an island suggests that you need to get away from the demands of your daily life. Or perhaps you are running away from a situation instead of trying to confront it. Alternatively, the dream means that you feel cut off from society. You are in a rut and do not know what to do with your life"

    Sorry, most of that was just copied from this website:
    and I'll bet that really didn't make much sense... but hopefully you understood it.

    Best of luck with your dreams... I myself have had pretty chronic nightmares/bad dreams, so I know how draining it can be. I hope it gets better for you.
  19. tgal's Avatar
    Oh Nonna I am sorry! Never forget that I love you and that we are all here for you!
  20. Nonna's Avatar
    I'm just so tired of this, to go two years without getting this then to relapse so badly; it's just not fair. My doc had a death in the family so I'm seeing a substitute. Should be interesting.
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