View Full Version : Don't know what to do!!

03-28-2011, 07:59 AM
I know that this is a subject that probably has been discussed hundreds of times here but I have been thinking about this a lot lately!! I'm struggling with the idea of having another baby!! I have a three yr ol already and I really would love to have another one...I'm just not sure with this lupus crap!! I'm so scared something bad is going to happen if I try for another one...My son was born 7wks early but no one knew I had lupus yet so I was being monitored for that..he's a healthy lil boy now..Thank God!! I'm just so torn...my husband is all for it but my mother and my aunt are dead set against it!! They think I should get my tubes tied...but I'm only 31 and don't want to have that procedure yet!! I'm just so tired of debating this issue with myself...can someone please help me reason this out? Should I or shouldn't I?:unsure:

03-28-2011, 08:12 AM
I know that has to be a very hard decision to make! I had so much trouble with female issues I had to get spayed (LOL) when my daughter was 9 months old. I really think this is a question for your OBGYN. I know there are several people on this site that have gone through pregnancy with Lupus and they will have much better info than I.

03-28-2011, 10:42 AM
It's a terrible thing to fight with emotionly wheather to have another child or not, even though your hubby's all for it but i am pleased your son is ok healthwise as that's nice news.
My only suggestion besides asking member's there opinion, is to sit down and think how your coping with your son, look at your mental status as Lupus does get we down and the major fact look at your energy level at 31 and how you live from day to day with chores, as so many of we have really had to pace ourselves plus how much a child on top would do to you and when you weigh all these pro's and con's up, hopefully you should find the answer your looking for.

I wish you all the very best ~Hugs Terri~ xxx

03-28-2011, 01:55 PM
I say if you aren't in a flare and your husband is okay with it, then you don't have to listen to anyone else. Its just between you and your husband. Good luck in whatever you decide! God bless.

03-28-2011, 03:08 PM
Personally I would say as long as you're "stable", go for it! You and your hubby are the ones that need to be okay w/your decision. Also, find a high-risk obgyn who has handled patients w/Lupus before you get pregnant - this way you're not scrambling afterwards when you feel like poo! lol
On the subject of getting your tubes tied, you're only 31. Unless you are having problems in that area, I wouldn't suggest it. This is just my opinion of course. You never know what is around the corner. (((HUGS)))

03-28-2011, 07:59 PM
i had three children during the early years of my illness, but i was not diagnosed. I did fine, other than energy level with three little ones.

I agree with the others, this is a decision for you and your husband. You told us his feelings, and the feelings of your mom and aunt, but, what about how you feel. I know you are frightened about your future, but we must continue on with our lives. Lupus requires us to respond to its attacks, but we don't have to stop our lives in anticipation of the next flare.....we just deal with it when it hits.

03-28-2011, 08:18 PM
from a males point of view............
it is easy for us. we dont have to do much.

from a fellow sufferers point of view..........
if you want it, and can physically handle it, dont let anyone stop you.
if you would like it.... talk some more.....
it will not be easy for you, but the love and joy cannot be discounted.

i love my 2 kids............. but i have given both of them medical problems.

03-29-2011, 04:32 PM
Thanks everyone for your advice!! I appreciate all of you!!

03-29-2011, 04:36 PM
Thanks everyone for your advice!! I appreciate all of you!!

We appreciate you as well! Please keep us posted on what happens. I will keep you in my thoughts!

04-08-2011, 09:28 PM
I agree with all the people here. I have the exact same dilemma as you. I'm 30 and before I got sick (about 6 months ago) , I got married and we wanted to have a baby very badly. b I already have twin boys from my first marriage, so I have decided NOT to risk my health (kidney failure ) or the babies life (miscarriage) by being selfish just because we want ANOTHER baby. it is not fair to my sons, who are alive and well for me to be useless in my pregnancy and possibly depressed if I lose the baby. and when the flares come ....and I can't get out of bed...3 small kids. too much for me to handle, and the husband works 6 days a week.

So what I'm trying to say is, think about what could happen to YOU , because if something does happens to you, who will be there for your kids?
On the other hand if you and your doctor think you are well enough...go for it
I know there has been many woman that had kids with Lupus, but everyone is different
I'm sorry if i'm too negative, but as I said I'm going thru the same dilemma(or was going) and my mind is made up. give all my love and attention to the kids I already have.

good luck


Linda From Australia
04-09-2011, 06:01 AM
Don't get your tubes tied, you never know what tomorrow's technology will bring us.
As for your mother and aunt, don't discuss it with them anymore, it is really up to yourself and your husband to make the decision.
Keep healthy and happy