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Nonna
02-27-2011, 07:46 AM
just for the moment, i'm feeling very overwhelmed and tired. I know this is only temporary; but i am. My cold has done the usual; dropped to my chest - where it has become bronchitis and possibly on to pneumonia. Maybe I should not have taken the Methotrexate. But that did what it was supposed to and I did feel a lot better until I got sick. but then maybe this is for the best to get it out of my system.....

But as I started on ...... after 40 years of this........... i'm so tired of it.

I know it's just a reaction to being sick. but I want to get on with my life and do the things I love to do. It's the time for month end closes in accounting. I have to close the month. I have to get tax forms filed. I have to do housework. I would have loved to have gone to the mall with the kids. But where am I!!!!!!!!!

Being sick. Being to tired to do anything..... afraid to even go to church for fear I'll get worse or make someone else sick. I'm sitting here in tears.

But it's just for the moment. I know that. I just need to say all this; cause saying it usually makes it better. the thing is I've been having a lot of these moments lately. but that just could be the time of the year... Jan Feb and march have always been bad for me up north, maybe moving south got me warmer; but I still have this trouble.

What y'all must think of me, I don't know. I seem to be having a lot of these moments lately..... must be senior emotions (instead of moments). LOL

sorry, just needed to express myself.
Toni

mountaindreamer
02-27-2011, 08:12 AM
hi lady,

you know that you don't apologize here for needing to vent....that is why we are all here for each other....we understand.

i agree about the time of year...it is time to get out of the house and breath some fresh air....it is time for flowers to start blooming so that we can enjoy their beuty....it is time to sit outside and watch the birds come to life....it is a beautiful day, why don't you try sitting outside for a few minutes....all of your chores can be done later. I am so bad, i would put cleaning house at the very bottom of the list.....probably would not even get done. lol

i know you were questioning taking the mtx this week, i don't know the answer, but i never miss a dose. My drs. had me to not take it once, but that was because i was having surgery the next day. I think we are supposed to take it without miss. I hope it does not make your cold any worse.

hang in there, my friend....our next lunch will be sitting outside in the spring air...

BonusMom
02-27-2011, 09:20 AM
Sorry you're feeling so poorly, Toni. Sometimes the side effects of meds makes one wonder if it's worth taking them. That's (personally) why I wouldn't want to take MTX while still working. I mean gosh, work all week, take meds on the weekend that make me ill and wiped out, only so I can go back to work on Monday. No leisure activities, no social life/meals out. Where's the quality of life with that?

I hope you feel better soon.

tgal
02-27-2011, 10:03 AM
Hello Nonna my friend. Never, ever say you are sorry for coming here to talk about how you feel. All you are doing is putting into words the way many of us feel on different days. Sometimes Getting tired and worn down is your bodies way of making you stop and rest. You need to stop and rest my friend. For me the emotional upset of this disease is much worst then the physical pain. That is when I know that I have pushed myself too far and I rest. I rest because it is the only thing that I can do because I am crying so much.

I wish I was closer because I would come hug you and make you rest. Special hugs to you

debbie-b
02-27-2011, 11:55 AM
Hi Nonna,

Sorry you feel lousy.
I totally understand that you had to write this down, because I know it helps, I have done it. After I have gotten encouraging comments from you guys, I felt much better.
So let you little fingers do the TALKING.
Hope you feel better soon.

Debbie

Nonna
02-27-2011, 12:02 PM
Sorry you're feeling so poorly, Toni. Sometimes the side effects of meds makes one wonder if it's worth taking them. That's (personally) why I wouldn't want to take MTX while still working. I mean gosh, work all week, take meds on the weekend that make me ill and wiped out, only so I can go back to work on Monday. No leisure activities, no social life/meals out. Where's the quality of life with that?

I hope you feel better soon.

Oh that is so what i'm feeling at the moment. no life..... but then to get sick on top of it. I did leave Saturday for fun though.

thanks for understanding.

rob
02-27-2011, 04:21 PM
Hi Toni,

It's so easy to become overwhelmed, especially when you feel like hell. It's almost like being trapped, or cornered. When it happens, it's like all of your thought processes go into survival mode. For me, than means shutting down, and shutting everyone and everything out. Not a good way to live life, but sometimes you have to do it.

The good thing though, is that usually the really bad overwhelming sensations don't usually last long. Many times, I've found myself feeling just hopelessly swamped, yet the next day, after a bit of sleep and not thinking about it all, the problems don't seem to be as big. They are still there, but you can break them down into smaller sub-problems, and proceed to tackle them as best you can, one at a time. And even if you don't solve everything for that day, you can at least make progress.

Sometimes the little victories are enough to get you through another day.

Rob

Nonna
02-27-2011, 06:15 PM
Sometimes the little victories are enough to get you through another day.

Rob

and you would know; Rob at times you amaze me with your ability to cope. You are a wonder coping with the things you have to cope with. I understand more that some would. My hat's off to you Rob.

Thank you
Toni

rob
02-27-2011, 06:46 PM
and you would know; Rob at times you amaze me with your ability to cope. You are a wonder coping with the things you have to cope with. I understand more that some would. My hat's off to you Rob.

Thank you
Toni

You know, I often think the same thing about you. Despite how you've been feeling today, I think your coping skills are pretty amazing.

tiggerlishus - Heidi
02-28-2011, 05:34 AM
just wanted to say ((((((mmwwwwwaahhh)))))) ( huge kiss and hug )

what you said ring so many bells of rememberence i think its something as lupie we can all relate to soo this is the best place to vent!!!! so you go head hunnie vent all you like!!

hope you feel better and the lupie roller coaster starts to rise again xxx

SandyR
02-28-2011, 08:10 AM
Here's what I think of you.

You are a strong strong woman who has had to deal with more stress and sickness then most people can even begin to imagine in her lifetime. You somehow manage to push the pain and sadness and anger of the sickness aside and stand here with arms open wide and a shoulder to cry on for all of us. Your wisdom comes from years of experience and you are willing to share it with all who are willing to hear. You are compassionate and work tirelessly to be a good friend on here and I am sure that is a reflection of the type of friend you are in your everyday life. At the moment your superwoman cape is a little frayed and in need of fixing and you are feeling more vulnerable then you usually let on and more human than you may want to. It's ok to feel this way. You are not alone. We all love you here and can take our turn taking care of you right now so go ahead and cry, kick, scream, let it out. You are not alone.

tgal
02-28-2011, 08:23 AM
Perfectly said Sandy!

mountaindreamer
02-28-2011, 08:32 AM
morning toni,


just checking in on you. hope you are feeling better today....

magistramarla
03-02-2011, 11:13 PM
Hi Toni,
I'm just now catching up on threads. I understand how you feel. I think that a lot of us have been frustrated lately - with our diseases, with our doctors and with our medicines.
It's all a huge pain, and it is so good to have this site to come to so that we can vent to friends who actually understand what we are feeling.
It' OK to be frustrated. I hope that you feel better soon. Maybe you should talk to your doc about your doubts with the MTX. I hate the stuff, but I have noticed that some symptoms come back or get worse when I miss a dose.
Lots of hugs,
Marla

Nonna
03-03-2011, 04:08 AM
Feelin much better now emotionally; just need to kick the cold. It's over a week and a normal cold would be gone but who ever said I do things normally. When I took the MTX I had virtually no side effects. It amazed me and I did feel way better until I got sick.

I am trying to remember to call doctor to see what she wants me to do.

Thanks again to all of you. Sandy you made me cry. Thanks Toni

Linda From Australia
03-03-2011, 07:49 AM
Gee Nonna, if you lived a bit closer to me I could come and visit you while I am on sick leave and give you a bunch of roses from my garden.

SandyR
03-03-2011, 07:50 AM
good thing I always carry tissues then. *winking face* (((hugs)))

tgal
03-03-2011, 08:57 AM
Just wanted to stop by and check on you. When things are tough just remember that there are so many people here that love and respect you. It can't make the pain or worry go away but it will remind you that you are not alone.

Love ya Toni

Bonita
03-03-2011, 11:46 AM
Sorry that things have been so bad for you and never apologize for venting to us. Even the strong people need to be comforted now and then we cannot always put others first. Love bonita