View Full Version : frustrating week
01-20-2011, 05:40 AM
well stephen my husband is still having trouble with cellulitus still in pain and now has to have scans on kidney seems his blood test showed kidney function not good they think he is not getting proper blood flow to his kidneys, and on top of that i back on that merry go round with my son hw now wants out again of rehab again i just do not know what to do with him my head says walk away but my heart says you can,t your his mother but i am exhausted and tiredof trying i am physically and emotionally drained i just do not think i have anymore to give to anyone my fatigue is dreadful and i have had migraine for 3 days all my muscles are so weak i am so terribly low i do not know how much longer i can keep this up i feel like i am being pulled in different directions i am scared right now because i do not like how i feel i am worried that all this stress is finally taking its toll.i feel like i need to be vigilante all the time otherwise stephen could get worse or joshua may hurt himself i just do not know where i have gone somewhere a long the line i lost me just plain old kim not kim the mother or kim the wife or kim the daughter just kim i look in the mirror and i cannot find her anymore just someones carer ever since i got this diagnoses i see me slipping away and i a becoming a little resentful because all these years i have been there for them i feel that they just expect me to be strong and solve everything still and i am sick and i am tired what about me no all i get can you take care of this or that. for once i would just like someone to take care of me and recognise my feelings all people tell me is your a rock your the foundation just for once i would like a soft place to fall. sorry everyone just throwing pity party thanks for listening kim l
01-20-2011, 05:49 AM
I hear ya!! Sorry you have so much going on.Go do something for yourself,rest and know we are all here for you.
Lots of love
*hugs* I am so sorry things are still so hard for you. We are glad to be the place you come to vent. Never feel the need to say you are sorry. Kim you really have to figure out a way to take care of Kim a little. I know we have discussed this before but if you don't you won't be any good for anyone. I will send you a PM later in the day when my head is a bit better so we can talk about this. *hugggs( again)
01-20-2011, 11:17 AM
dear Kim you and your family have been on my long prayer list and i hope that soon your life will calm down we are always here to give you support. Love and prayers Bonita
01-20-2011, 08:12 PM
Thinking of you, Kim
I wish that we could do more than just give encouraging words, but please know that we are all here to listen when you need to vent.
Hang in there, girl!
Lots of hugs,
01-23-2011, 01:03 AM
Things sound pretty overwhelming for you, Kim, and you're probably not going to like what I've got to say but you need to practice some TOUGH LOVE with your son.
He's been to rehab before and left when the going got tough. He's counting on you to cave in and let him return home amid his promises that he'll clean up his act. Soon he'll be back to his old ways, stealing from you, partying and setting a poor example for your daughters.
This isn't good for your or Stephen's health, nor is it a good example for your daughters to follow. Let's face it-if they see their brother lying, cheating, partying and Mom putting up with all the crazy making, heck, they'll do it too. It's a recipe for disaster.
You're not doing your son any favors by rescuing him from rehab. You're enabling him and allowing him to continue his self-destructing habits. You're the key to his success, Kim. If you love your son (which I know you do), do him and the rest of your family a favor by refusing to allow him to leave rehab early. If you find it difficult to talk to him on the phone and listen to his pleas to get him out of there, let his calls go to voicemail for a bit. He might try to guilt you in to an early release with a temper tantrum. Know it's the disease talking.
Stop the madness and stick to your guns, Kim. Stress can contribute to major health issues and it sounds like its done a number on your household.
I am not saying the above to be mean or cruel, but your posts over the last 18-24 months have been mostly about the same topic, so obviously it's causing you great distress.
01-23-2011, 01:23 AM
thankyou bonus mom you are right i have had some real stresses in the last 18 months and joshua is and has been one of the major things i am not letting him return home he has been told this and he has also been told if he walks out on this rehab then i can no longer help him and he will be on his own . yes the stress i have has done a number on my health and it is making my lupus worse causing major complications but i have to cope, hugs kim l
01-23-2011, 05:20 AM
Atta girl, Kim! Stick to your guns even when giving in would be easier because you feel like crud. In the long run, giving in is harder physically and mentally. Just keep reminding yourself of the real "cost," not only to yourself but to your entire family, including Joshua.
We'll all be rooting for you!
I am so proud of you, Kim! I know it is hard because you are his mom but stay strong. It will help you and him! Never forget that we are here for you!
01-23-2011, 03:05 PM
I agree w/bonusmom. Just like when they're little and we don't let them do things cuz we know it's for the best, no matter how mad they get at us we stand strong, when they're older we have to do the same even though it's even harder. Sometimes the only way to learn is to hit absolute rock bottom and to have no one else but yourself to depend on. Sending you lots of hugs & prayers!
01-24-2011, 09:49 AM
I'm sorry to hear things are so overwhelming and I am proud of you for sticking to your guns. I know it can't be hard for you, but as Bonusmom says continuing on the same path as before is not helping you with your health or stress. I know it will take him a while to realize this, but by refusing to enable him you are helping Joshua to make the choice to save his life and you are doing it out of love.
Much love to you. You and your family are still in my thoughts and prayers.