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kim,l
11-30-2010, 04:47 AM
well i have had rotten day with all 3 children suffering from depression one in rehab one in hostel for mental illness and the other one so depressed from bullying at school they have all had bad week school constanly ringing wanting meetings my son went crazy today and screaming and yelling and fed up with life am frightened for his sanity my eldest daughter is not sleeping and suffering nightmares have appointments with her councellor tommorrow had appointment with youngest ones councellor today and she is worried about her safety i often wonder what i did to deserve this i know other people were to blame for the way my children are but sometimes i feel like a failure as a mother i could not protect my children from these people as some of the things that were done to my children were from family members my family i am so tired and worn out i have been told i need respite from my youngest for awhile because her aspergers can be very trying. but this would devastate her. stephen my husband said something that worried me today he said sometimes he wishes he had died last year as he is so sick of the trauma in our life and for moment there i agreed with himsometimes its just so hard to go on with this illness and all the stress. sometimes i go to bed and wish that i could wake up and this all be a bad dream. i feel like somewhere along the line i lost who i was i am a mother a wife acarer to my disabled child and sick husband and now sick with my own illness i had all these hopes and dreams and now all i have is stress and heartache instead of waking up looking forward to the day all i do now is wonder what else will go wrong. thanks for listenening to me rant and rave my friends. hugs kim l

tgal
11-30-2010, 06:44 AM
I'm sorry that you are having a bad day Kim. I am sure with all of that going on you are feeling overwhelmed. That is a natural response but please remember that no matter what is happening, this moment that you are in is only temporary and it will pass. Being ill is stressful enough but with all of that on top of it I see how it can get hard to handle.Try to find some quiet time to relax. Maybe a warm bath with candles. Maybe taking 20 min. for yourself and going for a walk. I know you don't feel well but you need to find some "kim time" to gather your thoughts and de-stress a bit. Is there anyone that you can talk to? Do you have a counselor or anyone that could try to help you through this rough spot in your life? If so you might want to consider making an appointment because I don't know anyone that could handle all of that on their own.

No matter what happens just remember that we are here for you.

SandyR
11-30-2010, 07:40 AM
Kim,

that's so brave and honest of you and your husband to acknowledge your feelings so candidly. I think Mari had some really good advice. A warm bath sounds nice. Maybe with some bubbles or relaxing music. It won't take your troubles away, but it will give you a little break from them for a few minutes. (((gentle hugs)))

Sandy

Islablue
11-30-2010, 08:55 AM
My goodness, you are such a strong person! You don't sound like a bad mother at all, you sound like a wonderful mother who cares about her children. I can tell your heart breaks for them. The best thing you can do for them is to be there. To keep waking up, even if it means pain.. just knowing that their mother is there for them and hasn't given up probably means so much. Though I have made some big mistakes and my parents gave me an earfull about them... I'm glad they are still there. I was bullied in high school, and even though I stood up to the guy that did it I never felt like it was enough. BUT my dad constantly fought for me. He would go up to the school, complain to the principal and even went to this guys house. I will never forget that. Just know that being there for them means so much. I wish there was more I could say to help you with this. Just know you're in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

Nonna
11-30-2010, 12:09 PM
Such good ideas - Kim time - warm bath,soft music, I'd add scented candles on the counter to that.

Sorry we missed each other earlier, I could have given you Hugs in person.

Nonna

Bonita
11-30-2010, 01:04 PM
You do not sound like a abd mother at all. Just someone who is being streched to the limit and are not feeling good yourself. I wish for you that i could change your situation and make things go better. I know that without God in my life that things would be so much harder to deal with. I pray for you and your family and i hope that is okay to do because i really feel bad for all of you Love Bonita

kim,l
11-30-2010, 03:37 PM
thanks everyone just having hard time dealing with everything at moment hugs kim l

Saysusie
11-30-2010, 05:06 PM
Kim;
I can only echo what everyone else has said and send you loving hugs to help you survive the intense stress that you live with on a daily basis. You are a loving and caring mother, so please don't ever doubt yourself in that area. I know that the constant turmoil and stress can make it difficult for you to care about yourself, but please take a bit of time for yourself to get some rest, peace, and stimuli-free moments.
I wish you the very best!

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie