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View Full Version : Sometimes, I just dont' care anymore



serand4
11-26-2010, 07:40 PM
Never fear, I'm not suicidal. I'm just tired of it all! We've gotten through Thanksgiving and it was very nice. I wasn't allowed (nor could I) do anything to help but it was nice to see family. Today I went to the coagulation clinic only to find that my blood thinners, including Lovenox, 100mg, wasn't working. My INR is 1.1. That's .1 more than the last time we panicked over it. Last night I spent in agony and most likely should have gone to the hospital but what is real and what is hypochondria? My coag gal told me never to guess again and just go. As the pain in my upper right side begins to set in again I should probably make plans, but guys, I'm just TOO tired! I just don't care.

My son, who yes, I love more than life, has been such a complete butt head lately (my mood hasn't helped either I guess). I asked him to do three small chores while I'm gone. Naturally I get home and nothing is done. He's spent four hours on the computer. Oh, and forgot to tell me that my caseworker needs to set up my psych appt. for my medicaid. Fine, forget it. We don't need money, or health care, or a home. We need him to sit on the computer and stay comfortable! I'll stay on the couch, gasp for breath and try to care less and less about my health.

Sorry for the drama guys. As our beloved folks would say, "I'm at the end of my rope!" I'm going to take a valium, hope some time that the diarreha stops, pray that the fire in my side cools down and will have the strength tomorrow to go to the hospital if necessary.

God bless you and this website. Not one other group would understand!

rob
11-26-2010, 08:46 PM
I know how you feel. I've been having a rough time lately too. I hope we can both have a better day tomorrow.

Rob

Islablue
11-26-2010, 09:18 PM
I know exactly how you feel. I get so tired of constantly pushing myself to have energy to do anything. It's sad when you're too tired to go to the hospital. I KNOW EXACTLY what you mean. I'd rather just lay on the couch and slip into a coma. (just kidding.. but in theory it sounds better than the ER waiting room when you're in pain) Hang in there. Just know that you're NOT alone.

tgal
11-26-2010, 09:27 PM
I hope all of you get to feeling better soon! I firmly believe next year has to be better than this one

magistramarla
11-26-2010, 09:35 PM
Serand,
I hope that you do all right tonight and get to the ER tomorrow, if necessary. Are you anywhere near SLU hospital? I went to school there, and I know that they have a great medical school. I wonder whether that would be a good place for you to get help?
Teens all seem to go through a stage where they don't seem to be aware of anything but themselves. Believe me, the stage will pass and he will once again be your sweet boy, just in an adult's body - that's what happened with my son. It's a wonder that we let them live to get past that stage!
Hugs,
Marla

serand4
11-26-2010, 11:30 PM
I adore that child but he was out of bed less than 10 minute less than 10 minutes later to the bathroom. He was too tired to get out of the care so I had a bit more to get done

Sorry guys - it must be my Lupus fog. More and more my mind completely stops working. Above is the perfect example! Even I'm a bit troubled over this one!

kim,l
11-27-2010, 01:33 AM
dear serand4 i understand how upsetting it can get and sometimes i do a lot of crying and i to have a teenager who at times can drive me crazy but we love our kids and thats what helps us keep going this disease is a terrible burden and sometimes you want to give in when this happens do what i do look imagine what your child would feel without you and how they would cope this keeps me fighting and my many friends from this sight keep me going with there loving and caring advice and support so just remember we are here for you and if you want to talk you can message me anytime i will gladly be your aussie friend love and hugs take care of yourself kim l

teresaa40
11-27-2010, 03:40 AM
I have three teenagers living at home. 21, 19, and 15, and none of them really help me. Sometimes they will do the dishes, usually only half way and I end up having to finish because I can't live that way even if they can. Sometimes they will help out with the laundry, which means I will have one wet load left in the washer to end up mildew smelling, one load will be left in the dryer, and one load left unfolded in a basket somewhere getting wrinkled and occasionally be mistaken for dirty laundry and have more dirty laundry piled on top of it making it dirty all over again. It constantly amazes me that even though they act like they do so much around the house, they really do very little. I work a minimum of 42 hours a week, and spend my days off catching up on what they could be doing when they're home, but, when I point that out, they give me the sob story of how they have so much going on in their lives. Give me a break. They at least have the energy to have a life. They at least do not suffer in pain and exhaustion when they do housework.

I love my kids. I really do. I appreciate when they step up and do what they do to help me. I just feel the frustration of the mom who was bedridden, couldn't leave her bed, and relied on her family to do the housework. On her bedroom wall was a spot. From her vantage point she couldn't tell what it was, just that it wasn't supposed to be there. Everyone that entered the room noticed the spot, grimaced, some said something about the walls needing to be cleaned, but none actually did anything about it. Day in and day out the scene repeated, and after weeks went by, the mother had finally had it. She pulled herself from her sick bed, found her way to the bathroom where she took a washcloth, wet it, went back to the bedroom, found the spot, wiped it off, and then collapsed back into bed. As each family member came for their daily visits they all passed the wall where the spot had been, but, to the mother's amazement, none noticed the spot's disappearance.

That's the story of my life. They all see what needs to be done, none of them really want to do it, and when it's been done, no one notices.

The only way we are going to get them to do what we need done is to tell them. If the mother in the story would have said, hey, go get something and wipe that spot off the wall, her frustration would have ended so much sooner. Yes they grumble and complain. No one likes doing chores, and teenagers especially will do nothing until forced. Either we ride herd on them, or we do the roping ourselves.

Linda From Australia
11-27-2010, 04:17 AM
Well said teressa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

debbie-b
11-27-2010, 05:22 AM
I think, we all come to this point once in a while, with or without teenagers in the house.
We me, it is because I get frustrated, with me, with my life, with my limitations.
Some days I just get fed up. I can't remember how it is to live without pain. Some days I feel like such a burden.
Ugh, now I forgot what this post was all about.
Anyway, I hope you feel better.

Debbie

serand4
11-28-2010, 07:13 PM
As usual, you all have wonderful replies and have walked the exact path I'm walking. It's funny, I often talk about you guys like you're friends I met at a support group. My mom no longer tries to figure out why I refer to everyone by their "handle".

It really has been such a hard week. Our weather changed to cold so my pain changed too. Today I spent literally 8 hours on the phone getting medication that I desperately needed the night before (and I'm not even counting that time I invested). The sever pain I had the night before, it could easily have been a blood clot with my INR so low. I've had five shots now and usually I'm starting to get lots of purple spots and my shot sites are big blotchy bruises. This time I have none of that. Fortunately, tomorrow is Monday and I'll call my pcp and get his opinion. I've also started running into things (with my body - I'm staying clear of the roads right now). I've literally started walking into the kitchen and suddenly fall and catch myself with the wall. Yesterday I was so dizzy I had my poor dad pick up the infamous prescription (I usually do win because I have the time to hang in there!). It was nice to catch up with him and my mom, though, so it wasn't a waste at all. Also, I apparently was sleep walking the night before. That has NEVER happened before!!! Like some crazy nutjob, I got up and asked my son why he woke me up at 4:30am? He's not computing (who would?) but a minute later he's in my room telling me that he never woke me up. I assured him that absolutely believed him. My back had ended up in such an odd position I was almost paralyzed! Praise God for pain pills and muscle relaxers or I would've probably had to break my decade of alcohol sobriety!

I see a new rheum doc on Friday and will definitely bring my folks. You guys, I have Lupus fog that you would have to think I was faking it for it to be this bad! I have to have backup on some of this stuff or I'd forget everything! I also wonder about MS. We all know how one autoimmune pops up on another. Or maybe not, I still get confused even with the the Lupus information. Oh, and I'm required to see a psych ASAP by the state. Okay, thank you, I could use it!

Regardless, thank you all for being a very supportive family and sharing your stories. I truly don't know how I'd deal with all. I don't even want to call my bestfriend to give her updates. I just can't. There's nothing funny or positive to say, unless being clumsy counts and I should be hilarious! Anyway, thanks for everything!!!!

tgal
11-28-2010, 10:29 PM
We are your friends and your support group just like you our friend and part of our support group! That is what we are all here for and I, for one, am so glad we have all found each other! I am thankful that Conrad, Susie and Rob gave us this place so we could be the support group that many of us didn't have locally. All of you have made this journey much easier for me