View Full Version : Completely Frustrated

10-19-2010, 03:47 PM
Well tomorrow is my last appointment with anybody for awhile. My insurance runs out on the 31st and we are living on $300 a month so there will be no way to make doctors visits. I almost want to cancel tomorrows appointment with the MS Neuro because things have been better the last 3 weeks and I am so tired of hearing they can't figure what is wrong. I had a new MRI on Friday to see if there was any change and guess what? It was completely clear according to the radiologist! So all the lesions that were there are now gone in less than 2 months. I am not dropping things and falling like I was so the bruises are clearing up. What is the point of going now? So he can tell me that the fatigue, soreness, sun sensitivity and all the rest of my issues are caused because I am depressed? Yes, I am depressed but I am depressed because I have been sick so long and can't work so my life is in a tailspin. The depression started AFTER I became sick not before but I am going to waste my last $60 bucks (doctor, parking and gas) to have him dismiss me?

I actually had a meltdown yesterday. I don't usually cry. I may tear up but full out cry hysterically I don't do. Well, not usually. I did yesterday. I was on my way back from picking up the MRI results to take to the doctor and I broke down. I am so tired of all of this. I try to be positive but right now I am not feeling it.

I will put on the happy face for my friends and family but I really needed a place to say I am scared and I don't know what I am going to do. Thanks for giving me that place

10-19-2010, 04:30 PM
I don't understand the American health care system, and how you have to buy insurance or it seems like you can't see a doctor? It's absurd, it's not like that here at all in Canada.

*HUG* for you tgal, things will be ok and in time will all work out, you can hang on! We're all here for you to vent and rant and cry away.

10-20-2010, 08:00 AM
Dear Tgal I am so sorry for all the things you are going through and that you are losing your insurance. We know our own bodies better than anyone else does so keep pushing it and i hope you can find a doctor who will understand. I have been there about thinking all my symptoms maybe were in my head and thought i was going crazy. Is there any way you can get low income insurance for the time being. I am so upset that people who never worked a day in their lives expect government and the tax payers to take care of them when they are able to work. And someone who worked their whole life cannot afford to have insurance and are suffering. I am sorry but that is one of my pet peeves. If you need to vent we are here. Love Bonita

10-20-2010, 12:49 PM
Well, I went to the MS Neuro today. This was the last doctor I am able to afford before the insurance runs out at the end of the month. To say that it was a waste of 60 bucks would be an understatement. Unfortunately I have been having a good "muscle" week. I haven't been falling as much so I am not as bruised up and I haven't been dropping things like usual so he thought that was great news. He asked about my insurance and I reminded him that I wouldn't have any after the end of the month. Below is our conversation

Dr- Well Mari, after reviewing your latest MRI it shows that the lesions are not progressing, actually they have gotten much better since the one 2 months ago. It looks like you are on the right side of this now and so I won't be making you have a follow up appointment. You would be surprised at how many people come in with all kind of symptoms and we never figure out what happened. They go through this and then all the symptoms go away on their own. Hopefully that is what is going to happen with you.

Me- (silence because I am not sure what to say)

Dr- If you begin to decline again (although I was clear that I am stilling having the "seizure like activity and my memory is still shot... let's not even talk about the fatigue and the pain) make an appointment to come see me. You know, as much money as we spend on insurance and medicines going to the doctor isn't that expensive. It shouldn't be a problem for you.

Me- OK.

Dr- Hope you get to feeling better Mari. Have a safe trip home

The end. After months and months and months of doctor after doctor after doctor and medicine plus more medicine plus more medicine that is how it ended. It was very anticlimactic if I do say so myself.

10-20-2010, 04:04 PM
dear tgal i am so sorry with what you are going through it seems so unfair that you have to put up with worrying about expenses as well as your illness the american system seems so unfair in australia we have certain amount of free medical and some we pay for but we do get some of our money back from medicare as i have to survive on pension i know how hard it is to pinch your pennies please look after youself hugs kim l

10-20-2010, 08:25 PM
To put it bluntly, Mari, this just plain sucks.

I am really sorry that you had a disappointing visit with the neuro today and the visit was a waste of money--money you didn't have to spare.

Hang in there.

10-21-2010, 06:42 AM
To put it bluntly, Mari, this just plain sucks.

I am really sorry that you had a disappointing visit with the neuro today and the visit was a waste of money--money you didn't have to spare.

Hang in there.

agreed. (((HUGS))) Mari.

little side note - your post taught me something new. I didn't know there is a link between depression and sun sensativity.

10-21-2010, 09:01 AM
Thanks everyone. I am better today (emotionally). I had a major breakdown two days in a row and I think I got it all out. Thanks for letting me vent here. I really appreciate it. I am not giving up because I know something is wrong. I just have to figure out a new course of action!

10-21-2010, 09:40 AM
Hi Tgal,
I'm glad that you're feeling somewhat better today. It is totally unfair that the people who need it most have such a hard time getting medical care. Even though I have good insurance, I go through a lot of frustration with docs who don't seem to know or care what is bothering me.
Can you and your daughter get signed up for Medicaid from the state? I know that it is a terrible hassle to qualify for it, but then perhaps the two of you can get some care.
Meanwhile, take care of yourself.

10-21-2010, 07:09 PM
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my job due to being unable to work because of my joint problems and fatigue. My husband was working and then he was laid off. There we were with no insurance and me yet to be diagnosed but knowing something was very wrong. We found a little clinic that would base your payment on the income you had. It was a God send. In fact this is the doctor that first suspected that I had Lupus. I won't lie to you we have had some real struggles. I would ask my family if they were going to get me any gifts Christmas or birthdays that they'd give me the money to help me pay for my visits to the Rheumy. Finally I got my disability so things have eased up a bit. Just hang in there. Medicaid is a good possibility or Look for clinics in your area and go for help. Keep going if you are hoping to get on disability they want the doctor visits to show you have complaints. One thing that might help you with the doctors is keeping a symptom notebook. If you hurt, have a rash or whatever write it down and take it with you to see the doctor. Hopefully you will find one that cares enough to listen to you. You know your body more than anyone else. I honestly thought I would go insane before they finally found that I had Lupus. The diagnosis is terrible but nothing is as terrible as thinking you are loseing your mind! Hang in there. Things will get better. Billie

10-21-2010, 08:50 PM
hey tgal,
Glad you are feeling emotionally if not physically better, you hang in their it will get better even though it might feel like you are drowning or just cant catch a break. try going to either a free clinic or a hospital that charges base on you income,see whats available in your state, apply for disability the worst they can say is no and even than you can appeal. hug from me to u. slim

10-22-2010, 05:21 AM
I am sorry to hear your troubles. To me you, Tgal, seem to be very knowledgeable and very forthcoming. Can you answer for me? Why does the medical community shy away from diagnosing lupus? Considering the symptoms and tests, shouldn't there be a way to put the puzzle together? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

I am glad you are feeling better. This may be my time to lose it.