View Full Version : Hurt feelings

08-24-2010, 03:38 PM
So my son and I have been staying with my mom and step father for the last 2 months. I have been struggling with my lupus since my diagnosis in March so we thought it would be best for all of us to live together and get through this rough beginning stages. Thankfully, I have the most supportive family ever, and my mom helps me everyday with my 3 yr old son and daily tasks when I am unable.
Just recently my mom have started butting heads. Its like we cant even talk to each other without one of us getting mad or feeling attacked. I know that we are both under stress, and that both of our lives have changed in the last few months. BUT, I feel like she is becoming insensitive and impatient with my symptoms. I help out around the house, I make dinner every night, and I always make sure that I am mothering my son and taking care of him instead of her.
I get disconnected and my fog makes me out of it, so sometimes I say the same thing a couple of times and dont know if I already said it out loud or just thought it. Today she snapped at me and said "I know...you've said it 4 times"!!! I just started balling...She dosn't understand how frustrating and sad having lupus can make u feel. I feel like she is so sick and tired of me saying "this hurts" "that hurts" "I have a headache" or any other symptom I may be experiencing. I make an effort not to complain and just go about my day, but I feel like I shouldnt be afraid to tell my mom when I dont feel good. I am just frustrated and sad today and needed to vent. Thank you for listening!!!

Angel Oliver
08-24-2010, 03:49 PM
Oh Sarah,

If you go read the chatbox ive just had the same conversation.I so understand how difficult it is as i too live with my Mam and also having difficulties at times....and when the 'evil' sister comes to visit it gets so much worse.Just hang in there....many will understand like i do.Go read it now before it dissapears.

sending you gentle hugs
love Amanda.xxxxx

08-24-2010, 06:17 PM
Sarah, I wish you the best with what you are going through. I wish I had a magic pill that would cure us all. I very much know the feeling that you can't remember what you have just talked about. I have the same problem. I can also go to get something and when I turn around or get to where I was going I can no longer remember what I was going to get. My wife in a humorous way when I go somewhere asks me if I want her to pin a note to me in case I am found. Best of luck. Jim.

08-24-2010, 06:56 PM
Thanks for your replies gang..I know u all can relate. Pardon my french, but my memory is going to shit!! It really is such a weird feeling to live in a fog and not remember what you had just said. I know that since my mom dosnt know what that fog feels like it is hard for her to relate. Lets face it, if my mom was saying the same thing a few times a day, im sure id get a little annoyed also. This disease sucks!!! O am just having a rough time dealing with it. And Jim, if you fing that magic pill, send one my way please!! Thanks

Linda From Australia
08-25-2010, 03:33 AM
Oh, what were you saying Sarah, I just forgot...
Oh yes I remember - oh - what did you say Sarah, I just forgot,
Oh yeah that is right, Sarah what were you just saying, sorry I thought I was paying attention
Oh yes, that is right - what was it again???????
Oh Flip - Why don't we all just get a brain transplant - I'm sure that would fix everything up!!!!!

Now Sarah, I know you had something really important to get off your chest, now what was that again????

Linda From Australia
08-25-2010, 03:34 AM
Sorry Sarah - I just couldn't resist it!!!!

08-25-2010, 06:16 AM
hahahah...That made me laugh out loud!! Thank u for the humor, it is ALWAYS appreciated. Im still laughing..Thanks Linda
Have a great day lupies. XOX-Sarah

08-25-2010, 09:22 AM
I truly know how you are feeling but it is not my mom who does not understand anything about lupus and what we go through as the rest of my family especially my husband they seem to think this something that will go away and that you should always be there for their needs as you were before. I just try to be that is all Bonita

08-25-2010, 04:32 PM
... wait till you are riding in the car, and say to the driver "I'm feeling sick to my stomach!"... and you get back "I *know*! for the 42nd time!!!"... lolol

08-27-2010, 01:08 AM
I know how you feel. I just did the same thing to a new friend earlier this morning (yesterday now...She's a new friend since classes with her started Tuesday). I asked her how old she was and she had to tell me again, but we had a good laugh about it. I don't know how many times I've made a fool of myself by repeating questions. Another was in front of the teacher and class this morning. I raised my hand and when she called on me, I tried to explain what I could, and just gave up with "I don't remember." She took it well though, as the class giggled (I had the same teacher a year ago, so she remembers my definition essay or my "Lupus Paper").

As for your mom, I get frustrated with my mom when she does it to me, but it usually works out anyway. I'll repeat something several times a day, and she'll give me different replies because she forgot she's heard it before. I can repeat something a hundred times and it will still be her first time hearing it. Just know that it will eventually get better, and although it may take time, it will become a bit easier to deal with. Scubagrumplit and his wife have a good deal going by joking about it. It helps take off a bit of the edge.

I thought finding this was kind of ironic, since I was originally looking for a good diet.
It has basic info on brainfog, but it might help your mother understand a little bit more. I thought that the ideas were pretty good too!

Linda From Australia
08-27-2010, 01:40 AM
These are really good tips. I have copied some to refer to on this thread from time to time. Hopefully it is OK

These tips may help ease the frustrations of cognitive impairment caused by lupus.

1. Pay attention when receiving new information. Repeat it or write it down. Verify any details.

2. Focus on one task at a time.

3. Take good care of your body; exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep.

4. Learn memory techniques, such as associating a person’s name with an image, or repeating the name several times in conversation.

5. Try to stay organized. One helpful hint is to use a year-long calendar notebook so that all appointments, plans, contact information, and reminders can be kept in one place.

08-28-2010, 08:23 AM
I truly know how you are feeling but it is not my mom who does not understand anything about lupus and what we go through as the rest of my family especially my husband they seem to think this something that will go away and that you should always be there for their needs as you were before. I just try to be that is all Bonita

Amen, Bonita! Spouses are the WORST!

08-28-2010, 09:20 AM
He has a mild case of diabetes and copd and he is the worst baby around. I am not going to tell him that though. Bonita