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View Full Version : Feeling alone, overwhelmed and in need of a Hug



Nonna
07-14-2010, 11:16 AM
I just got back from a retest this am. I am now going in for a biopsy. The family is out of town so I'm not being very strong at the moment. More like a pity party, I'm indulging in food; which I should not. I want to find a hole and crawl in.

I need to talk to someone so here I am. Just when I thought the flare is finally over and I can have so healthy time. Here I go again........ It makes me want to do nothing but cry.
Between this, finding a new endocrinologist; trying to do my job at work..........

My PD symptoms have gone wild. My hands are shaking like a leaf. I'll fall on my face any minute. My stomach is total chaos. Stress is ruling me at the moment.

I need to de-stress but can't stop my brain from coming up with "what if's"

Nonna

SandyR
07-14-2010, 11:40 AM
I just got back from a retest this am. I am now going in for a biopsy. The family is out of town so I'm not being very strong at the moment. More like a pity party, I'm indulging in food; which I should not. I want to find a hole and crawl in.

I need to talk to someone so here I am. Just when I thought the flare is finally over and I can have so healthy time. Here I go again........ It makes me want to do nothing but cry.
Between this, finding a new endocrinologist; trying to do my job at work..........

My PD symptoms have gone wild. My hands are shaking like a leaf. I'll fall on my face any minute. My stomach is total chaos. Stress is ruling me at the moment.

I need to de-stress but can't stop my brain from coming up with "what if's"

Nonna

(((HUG))) (((HUG)))) (((HUG))) (((HUG))))

KEEP SQUEEZING BACK TILL FEEL BETTER.

I know what you mean about the stress and the food destressor and the mind games. It's scarey and frustrating and overwheming and it sucks that your family is out of town at the moment when you just really need love and normal around you. Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat.

Sarah2010
07-14-2010, 11:44 AM
Hey nonna, Here is a BIG warm hug from me to you! Heck, here is a little tiny squeeze from my 3yr old too...his hugs may be small, but they are the best hugs in the world and they work for me every time!! I know that it is easy to feel pitty for yourself, and as long as its not an everyday sort of thing, then damnit nonna, feel sorry for your self!! Your sick!!! You deserve the pitty!!! It sucks to have test done, they are uncomfortable and painful!! It sucks to be sick and in a flair, it sucks to try to drag your self to work, it SUCKS!! You have come to the right place nonna, because we know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I need to get a good cry out, and then once the water works stop, I feel a little better and have more strength to deal with my issued. Try it. I know everything is going to be ok. Chin up nonna. TTYS
-Sarah

Saysusie
07-14-2010, 03:16 PM
There is no such thing as a pity party here. You are going through a lot and handling a large amount of stress. Of course you are feeling down and, with your family away, you are feeling a bit lonely. All of these feelings are justified and understandable. So what, you are indulging in food! Go Ahead..it's not like you do this 24/7 -365. We all indulge at one time or another..do not beat yourself up!
I am sending you gentle {{{hugs}}} filled with understanding and compassion. We are here for you!

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie

Nonna
07-14-2010, 05:07 PM
Thank you all, it's nice to have you all there. Well, I have indulged myself today. Tommorrow I'll eat healthy again. I'm still nervous; but this isn't my first biopy. The last one resulted in surgery. Well, come what may; as I told the nurse at the hospital it's just another piece in the puzzle.
Thanks again
nonna

jmail
07-14-2010, 05:28 PM
Don't tell anybody, but I ate two pieces of brownies today... man, they were good! I've been paying for it, but it was *worth* it... sort-of. lolol

Hugs & prayers for ya, Nonna

Nonna
07-14-2010, 05:37 PM
Jmail is that a dirt bike I see. Oh man!!...
I sure miss those days


Nonna

magistramarla
07-14-2010, 08:06 PM
Hi Nonna,
I'm here late, so I sure hope that you are feeling much better by now. As everyone has told you - go ahead, indulge yourself. You deserve it today. When my oldest was very small and was the least bit hurt, she would look up at us soulfully and lisp, "ice cweem, cake, cookie?" It just melted our hearts. Even toddlers know that sometimes you just need a treat to make it all better.
We're all here for you when you need us, and we'll all be waiting to hear when you get those results.
Lots of gentle hugs,
Marla

ProfessionalPilotSpaz
07-14-2010, 09:24 PM
sending lots of hugs your way!!!
i strongly believe crying is good for the soul! there are a lot of times when i cry and i always feel better after a good cry. so indulge in that too!

tgal
07-14-2010, 10:50 PM
Warm hugs from me to you. I have had my fair share of pity parties and it always helps to know that there are people that understand what I am going through. Just remember that we are here for you if you need us. Feel free to PM if you ever want to talk.

BonusMom
07-15-2010, 12:00 AM
(((Nonna)))
Sorry to hear you've had a rough time of it. There's nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned cry when you're feeling overwhelmed and all alone. Lord knows I've had my share of tears lately (and then some). It's easier to pick yourself up once you've cried out the negative energy.

We're all here for you, even when your other family returns. Take care and keep us posted.

Bonita
07-15-2010, 06:00 AM
This is why we are all here for each other just want to send my hugs also Good luck with the biospy. Love and prayers Bonita

Nonna
07-15-2010, 05:36 PM
Again, thank you all. I'm feeling much better today. I still want to cry, but I can't; I'm not a crier - I think that's why I eat. I was taught as a child to hide my emotions.

Many thanks to all,
nonna

missing my twitchy especially now when I'm twitching

BonusMom
07-15-2010, 05:52 PM
Believe me, Nonna, I understand the feeling of stuffing my emotions and not crying. For the longest time I couldn't cry. Now, because (I think) of the meds I'm taking, I can't turn the faucet off. It started after watching a sad movie.

Since you're feeling the need to cry and just need a little nudge, why don't you try putting in one of your favorites--whether it's Marley and Me, An Officer and a Gentleman, ET.....whatever will take you to that place and let 'er rip. There's nothin' to be ashamed of. You're safe. No one's going to laugh at you. Chances are, another one of us will also be bawling our eyes out tonight and have snotty noses too. It does the soul good to release those tears of frustration and loss.

Give yourself a break Nonna. You deserve it.

Linda From Australia
07-15-2010, 06:54 PM
Nonna my heart goes out to you. You seem so helpful and strong, and now you are feeling down. This just shows how much people put up with before reality hits them and show their emotions.

I found myself crying when I went on an appointment with my daughter to a service provider. They were not helping her very much and was very blunt with their advice because she did not bring in all her paper work. I asked the person if she could be a bit more helpful and she said that was all she could do. Then I really surprised myself and cried because I was getting so stressed by the whole situation. Oh My Gosh - I never do that, and NEVER in public. I appologised and explained that I have just been diagnosed with a life long serious disease and I have many appointments and procedures I have to attend and I cannot afford to take anymore time off work just to drop some more paper work off. Mind you I did bring in what was required and this woman was just being difficult. She went off for 5 minutes or so and came back. Then everything was sorted out - easily solved. All because I cried. I am not a good actor and I will not use cryng as a way out, but sometimes shedding a tear or two does help.

Nonna I hope you start to feel a bit better soon. How was your biopsy?

mountaindreamer
07-15-2010, 07:42 PM
hi nonna,

so sorry to hear about all of your worries. I agree with everyone else....there is nothing wrong with the occasional endulgence in our favorite foods....why not. Look at all that you are dealing with, a little yummy soul food is certainly deserved.

I am glad to hear that you are doing better today. I hope tomorrow brings you a smile.

Nonna
07-16-2010, 11:17 AM
Biopsy is next Wednesday the 21st; then I have to wait 48 hrs for the results. Which would be Friday afternoon..... try the following Monday. You know how you're always waiting for the other shoe to fall. That's what this is. One by one my glands have fallen, died and needed to be removed. this is just the next piece. I will survive I always do. I think it's mainly the 'what's next' syndrome.

nonna

Giving out hugs now to others who helped. still missing my twitchy......... twitch, twitch.

SandyR
07-16-2010, 12:36 PM
*giving hugs and passing around tissues*

Cry, girl, cry! and we'll cry with you.

Sometimes I think it's all the time consuming stuff - waiting for an appt, waiting for a referral, waiting for lab work, waiting for the dr to call with the lab work, waiting to see it the dr's solution is having any results, waiting for the new lab work to see what the results are, waiting for that shoe to drop - just waiting waiting waiting - is the worst part. It's like you have all this time for your mind to play the What If game and the What If game is always about the worst possible outcome. It's such a mind scrambler. I have faith you will survive too and please know -we are all sitting next to you holding your hands and rubbing your shoulders and offering hugs while we play the What If and What's Next games with you. You are not alone.

Angel Oliver
07-16-2010, 05:29 PM
Yes and me too.Im sorry your having a rough time and glad you feel a little better.Most of all you keep posting we are all crying,smiling,hugging with you my friend.One day at a time.Good luck on Wednesday....we'll all be there with you.
lots of love n gentle hugs
Amanda.xxxxxx

SandyR
07-20-2010, 06:22 AM
Biopsy is next Wednesday the 21st; then I have to wait 48 hrs for the results. Which would be Friday afternoon..... try the following Monday. You know how you're always waiting for the other shoe to fall. That's what this is. One by one my glands have fallen, died and needed to be removed. this is just the next piece. I will survive I always do. I think it's mainly the 'what's next' syndrome.

nonna

Giving out hugs now to others who helped. still missing my twitchy......... twitch, twitch.

Hi Nonna!

Did you get your results yet?

teresaa40
07-20-2010, 07:30 AM
Well, tomorrow is almost here. It will be over before you know it, and then you'll have to stock up on junk food to last for 48 hours. What are your favorites that really get you through it? Mine are pastas, and oddly enough, vanilla ice cream with honey and cinnamon on top.

Nonna
07-21-2010, 01:14 PM
Well, just got back from the hospital, one biopsy turned into 2. I'm so glad it's over. Now I play the waiting game for the results.

nonna

mountaindreamer
07-21-2010, 01:24 PM
hey lady,

glad you are through with the biopsy (s)...hope you can rest. I know waiting is just the worst, but maybe time will pass by quickly.

Nonna
07-21-2010, 05:09 PM
Well, tomorrow is almost here. It will be over before you know it, and then you'll have to stock up on junk food to last for 48 hours. What are your favorites that really get you through it? Mine are pastas, and oddly enough, vanilla ice cream with honey and cinnamon on top.

Mine is pasta also, and pizza - tons of melted mozerella.......... and cherry ice cream with butterscotch sauce or carmel and whipped cream

Nonna
07-23-2010, 04:05 PM
Friday evening, no phone call. Gotta wait till Monday. Anyone care to join me in a "Jack 'n Coke".

Phyllis thanks for meeting me for breakfast. It was a comfort.

Nonna

Saysusie
07-24-2010, 09:50 AM
I will join you in a drink...make mine a Cadillac Margarita. We will wait it out together...
B there in 10 :-)


Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysuse

Nonna
07-24-2010, 01:55 PM
Susie
you sound like my daughter. She loves her Margaritas. Wish I still lived in SanFran. Would reallyove to share that drink

nonna

Angel Oliver
07-25-2010, 02:50 PM
Hey im there with ya.....make mine a Southern comfort n lemonde or maybe just a shandy lol.Hope the call comes soon.

love n hugs
Amanda.xxxx

Nonna
07-26-2010, 11:18 AM
well, it's Monday afternoon and I'm still trying to get the results. Dr is calling the hospital to see what happened.

Linda From Australia
07-26-2010, 03:32 PM
Waiting - waiting - waiting - waiting
And the doctors say that you should reduce your stress levels or you will get sick. I wonder if they have any advice about how not to stress out while waiting for test results. Thinking of you during this time Nonna

Nonna
07-27-2010, 05:24 AM
Well I got the results and promptly flared in the car on the way home last night and could not post

results are negative for both

my stress levels are down but I'm sicker than a dog

nonna

Angel Oliver
07-27-2010, 04:20 PM
Oh Nonna thats good news!! Glad your stress levels are down now and i so understand you....being sicker than a dog.They will find the answers,it just takes allot of time.We are all here,so when you feel a little better post and let us know how you are now.Did they say whats next?What are they going to do?

love n hugs
Amanda.xxxx

Nonna
07-28-2010, 03:57 AM
The flare was my own fault basically I had to drive home though a thunder storm with driving rain and strong winds after walking through the downpour to get to my car. My muscles didn't like it and started to spasm. To top that off I picked up the viral stomach bug my daughter had last week. So I'm laying here debating on when the money is with it to drag myself to work.
Nonna

SandyR
07-28-2010, 06:43 AM
That's great news on your test results. I know you must be relieved. I'm sorry to hear about the flare. I hope you are able to get yourself up and moving today, but if you're not, that's ok to rest and relax the day too.

mountaindreamer
07-29-2010, 08:30 PM
oh, nonna,,,,,that is wonderful news about your biopsies....i guess some things to go right for us, but sometimes it seems like everything goes wrong.

i enjoyed our breakfast so much, and can't wait for us to get together again.

hope you are over the flare and feeling better....and the stomach bug....yuk, hope it is gone.

Nonna
07-30-2010, 05:32 AM
Still trying to kick the bug out of my life

Lupine
08-01-2010, 11:23 AM
Hi Nonna,
I am new to this post and have not had an opportunity to get to know everybody, but I hope you start to feel better or already have. I've been diagnosed for 2 yeears, plus have an Oncologist, Cardiologist, Psychiatrist, oh and the Rheumy LOL - and - I'm only 44. I hear you about the what if's. I get that to, and I have some friends that say Just for today, look down and let your head stay right where your feet are, and sometimes we can't do it 1 day at a time, sometimes its 30 minutes, 15 minutes or heck, even 1 minute at a time. The pity pot is my favorite place to sit these days for sure! I can relate and I just cannot believe that I have found a site where everybody is saying everything that I feel and expierience. My partner has not accepted or does not understand and since my diagnosis says "I want my Debbie Back". I had no idea what I was in for! I think I've been indulging since my diagnosis LOL - whatever works is what I say. I really hope you have a much better time of things and good luck with your procedure.