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Faith
06-23-2010, 11:23 AM
I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I can't ask why or how many trials need to be met because God already has the answer and paid the price for all of us.

Finished up steroids after Lupus was in left side of chest. I was profoundly relieved that I could sit up in bed once again as I couldn't for 7 days. The simple things we take for granted really humbles us. I found out I was being laid off due to budget cuts. I pray about it as it could be worse. Then I received word of my Mom's cancer being back.

I have been praying for my Mom. My Mom's cancer is back for the 4th time in 6 months and they think it may be inoperable or if it is operable, she will lose all body functions as it is suspected that it has moved into the bowels. My Mom is 70 years old and wants to go and do as much as possible. Right now she can't even sit in a chair due to the pain from cancer. My heart is heavy and breaking. I cried the first two nights I heard of her cancer coming back and then began praying . . . eventually falling asleep.

My wonder why must a person go through so much pain and suffering? I know that it allows us to enjoy the hills and valleys . . . but why so much pain? I also understand this is God's fight to fight. I have already lost my mother-in-law to cancer; please God not my Mom as well. I pray that the cancer is operable and can be removed without her losing body functions. I know you are listening God and I also know that you already know the end result. I am trying not to be selfish, but I am being selfish because I love my Mom with all my heart and she has sufferred through so much.


Please join us in prayer for my Mom, Charlie, as I truly believe in faith and prayer.

God Bless,

Faith

Angel Oliver
06-24-2010, 07:25 PM
FAITH,

Oh my dear friend.Im sorry its took along time to respond ive not been online,but my heart goes out to you and your MoM. You will both always be in my thoughts.Try keep strong.I know its easy to say but i understand the pain you must be feeling,but live each day as it comes.Be there for your Mom and enjoy life as much as you possibly can.One day at a time.I so hope they can operate and help your Mom.I dont know why these things happen,but its life and we are given huge things to deal with.You are in my thoughts Faith.Let us know how she is when you can.
Lots of love n hugs
Amanda.xxxxxxxx

Faith
06-24-2010, 09:47 PM
Amanda,

I have missed you too Amanda. How are you doing?

Thank you for the kind thoughts and prayers. I try to stay strong; it's hard. You are right my friend; one day at a time. I wish I knew why we have so many trials at once. I guess the saying when it rains, it pours. I am trying to dance in the rain and praise Him. Thank you Amanda for posting; it means a lot to me. As soon as we know more information; I will post an update. Please keep her in your prayers. I am praying for God's grace and intervention.

Thank you & God Bless,

Faith

Saysusie
06-24-2010, 11:18 PM
Faith;
Your questions to God are very legitimate and I think that it is only faith that gives us answers, or at least peace. Why must those we love suffer in pain? Why? That is the question that lingers and seems to go unanswered.
The peace that I find for that question is the peace knowing that there is no pain, there is no sorrow, and there are no tears when we are called. However, that is absolutely no comfort at all when we are praying for the health of someone that we love.
I can hear the faith and the love in your post and I pray that you find both strength and peace in your heart and in your soul. I will be praying for you and for your Mom. Sending you warm and loving hugs.

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusi

Angel Oliver
06-25-2010, 04:27 AM
Faith,

I think Carlotta worded it much better than me there.Thinking of you always.I hope each day you know many people here are thinking of you.I know ive not been online much,but doesnt mean out of sight out of mind at all,cause i think of you all here as you have helped me so much.Hope today is a good day for your Mom,just try enjoy each other,laugh and do something nice,even if its just reading a book or watching a funny movie.In all this worry theres also joy,you have each other....and us!! And most of all your faith like Carlotta said.Keep posting,we are always here.....eventually ...sorry been a while.Hope you are ok too Carlotta.
lots of love
Amanda.xxxxxxx

SandyR
06-28-2010, 07:06 AM
Faith,

I am raising you and your mom up in prayer. I think that you have very valid questions. I know it's hard to see someone we love battle so hard through their journey. Being selfish about the ones we love most is perfectly normal. I think it often seems like it is the most faithful who often have the most trials but maybe that is because HE only gives us what HE knows we can take. Your mom sounds very strong to have faced this enemy so many times and I am praying for you and her that she beats it again and for good.

Sandy

Saysusie
06-29-2010, 11:27 AM
Angel;
I just had to say that what you suggested was so beautiful in its simplicity and that it brought me to tears. I remember the simple joy that my Lauri would get out of just watching a movie together and how she would jokingly scold me for falling asleep on parts of the movie. Thank You for bringing that sweet, simple memory back to me. You are, indeed, and Angel.

Always
Saysusie

Angel Oliver
06-29-2010, 05:22 PM
Faith,

How are you today....and your Mom? I;ll always keep you in my thoughts we all will and are my friend.
Ah Carlotta, sorry i brought a tear, but i understand what you mean.Thanks for being so kind to me and i hope you are ok....good memories.
Lots of love.xxxx

Faith
06-29-2010, 11:10 PM
Carlotta, Amanda and Sandy,

My Mom goes in this Friday to be seen by all 3 surgeons and hopefully willl get a surgery date. Her 2 choices were (1) hospice and (2) surgery with the doctor telling her she may not ever come out of the hospital and the cancer will come back as another tumor came back within 1 week between check-ups. It is a matter of when it comes back. The cancer is in her bowel muscle so she will have to have a colostomy bag and prays she will be able to come home within 3-4 weeks. She will be about 4 hours drive from where we live as this is where all the specialists are located in the Kaiser hospital in Fontana, California.

The saying "When it rains, it pours . . . " well, I was rear-ended Sunday and the driver who rear-ended me pushed me up into three power poles. Angels were looking after me as I am truly blessed; painful neck/upper mid back. The ER doctor said the SUV saved my life. God is good. I will always Praise Him.

Carlotta,

I think you are right in that there is no comfort when you are praying for someone you love to heal. I continue to Praise Him and dance in the rain thru the trials.

Sandy,

Thank you for the prayers and keep them coming. Yes, I am very faithful and my faith is really being tested although don't know why.

Angel,

Thank you for checking back in nad the kind thoughts and prayers. Please keep praying.

God Bless each and every one of you and thank you for caring and taking time out of your busy day.

God Bless!!

Faith

SandyR
06-30-2010, 09:58 AM
Faith,

I just now saw your message & was shocked to see about the accident. THANK GOD you are safe and ok! You and your family are still in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know what your mom decides and what the doctor says.

Sandy

Faith
07-02-2010, 12:34 AM
sandy,

Thank you!! I was shocked too and here was I had been wondering how much more could I handle. lol. I guess more than I will ever know possible. My Mom has decided to go thru with surgery as she is a fighter as well as a survivor. My Dad is upset because she was diagnosed June 1st and they called today stating they won't do surgery until 7/26. He is worried is will continue to spread even more. I can understand his point of view and wish there was something I could do for forth of them. Unfortuntaly, the doctor hs said it will come back. I coninue to pray and I ask for your kind thoughs nad prayres asl welll.

Take care & God Bless!

Faith

John 3:16

Bonita
07-02-2010, 10:05 AM
I am so sorry to hear about all that you and your family have been going through and yes God is faithfull and your mom gave you the perfect name. I also will be praying for all of you . We do not always know what Gods plans are for any of us but He is in control and always present with us. Love and prayers Bonita

Angel Oliver
07-04-2010, 04:37 AM
Faith,

Im hoping you are feeling less pain after the rear ending.....as if you didnt have enough to worry about.How is your Mom today? Im always thinking of you both.Just keep posting when you can to see just how many people have you in their thoughts.Lots of love n hugs.
Amanda.xxxxxx

Faith
07-04-2010, 11:07 PM
Thank you and God Blesss You All!

Thank you for keeping both of us in your thoughts. My Mom is fighting and has her up and down days. My Mom is a survivor and said she will fight as long as she humanly and physically can, and that is all that I can ask her to do. After my accident, I am still having neck pain along with eye spasms/twitching in one eye since the day of accident and it's getting progressively worse. I have an apptmt to see an eye specialist this next week to have it checked out. God is good. I am dancing in the rain!! Find the good, live, laugh and love.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank all of you for your support. I am so blessed to have fellow friends/lupees who care. Thank YOU!! Take care!!!

God Bless!!

Faith

Angel Oliver
07-05-2010, 01:29 PM
Oh Faith,

So glad to hear your Mom is fighting on and that you are seeing an eyey specialist soon.Let us know how you get on.

Love n hugs
Amanda.xxxxx

SandyR
07-21-2010, 07:26 AM
Hi Faith,

How are things with you and mom?

Sandy

Angel Oliver
07-21-2010, 01:23 PM
Oh Faith,

Enjoy every day as much as you can with your Mom.Shes so very brave and you too.Always know we are thinking of you both and hope your Mom is coping as much as possible,but with you as her daughter she is blessed.Sending you gentle hugs.So glad you have your faith too my friend.Let us know how you get on at your appointment,i hope they can help you.Neck pain is horrid.Did you say the man who hit you is paying for the accident for your medical care?We are always here for you.
lots of love
Amanda.xxxxxx

Hillbillie
07-21-2010, 10:17 PM
Faith,
I just found this post. I will certainly put you and your Mother in my prayers and will have our prayer group pray for you both as well.
Sometimes we have to endure the hard days one minute at a time. It is especially hard to keep going when every time you try and stand something else comes to knock your feet out from under you. There will be a brighter day! Keep dancin' in the rain for the sun will shine tomorrow!
The only advice I can give you is to keep on holding on to God, to allow him to do His work in your life as well as your Mom's. He see's tomorrow, next week and next year. He knows whats best for us all. When you are in the midst of the trial you wonder if you will make it through the next second. Lean on him, snuggle up and allow Him to be your stregnth when you feel you can't stand alone. He is strong enough to carry you both!
Keeping you in thought and prayer, Billie

Angel Oliver
08-04-2010, 05:23 PM
Dear Faith,

How are you and how is your Mom and your family coping? I have been thinking about you allot so just know allot of people have your Mom in their thoughts.How is your neck n eye now? Hope you have eased allot since this was written.xx

Love n very gentle hugs
Amanda.xxxxx

wrightrs
08-11-2010, 10:23 AM
Sorry your mom and your family have been going though so much. I've be praying for you all.

wrightrs
08-11-2010, 10:37 AM
Carlotta, I just read about how sick your Mom's been. Just the other day I was thanking about you for some reason was not sure why. So I prayed for you. I will be praying for you and your family. I've been though colon cancer twice with my Mom. So far her cancer is gone for now. But now we are dealing with some type of dementia with her.

Prays and Hugs !!!

Angel Oliver
08-17-2010, 10:56 AM
Hi Faith,

Just checking in on you to see how you have been with your neck and eye,also how is your Mom?

Thinking of you
Love Amanda.xxxxx

Angel Oliver
10-15-2010, 06:35 AM
Dear Faith,

Thinking of you and hoping you are coping ok and your Mom is fighting.Sending you gentle hugs n much love.

Amanda.xxxx

Angel Oliver
01-19-2011, 06:59 PM
Still here when you come back.Thinking of you.Lots of love.xxxx

Faith
01-20-2011, 01:02 AM
Hi Angel,

How are you doing? Did you have a nice Christmas and New Year? Thank you for thinking of me; I appreciate it. My Mom passed away; I miss her terribly. What is comforting is knowing she is not in the unbearable pain she was having to endure. I couldn't be selfish and want her to endure that; although I have my moments. It is getting a little better. Thank you for asking and thinking of me; Bless you. Sed rate has been high since August nonstop and may have to go on methotrexate. I was in the dr's office today for lab follow up and primary noted my potassium levels were , very very low and said I was very lucky my heart was still ticking and wrote out a rx for Potassium. I praise Him and I am thankful on a daily basis!! I was so happy my heart is still going, I stopped by the market after picking up my Potassium rx and splurged on a small bouquet of mini-carnations.

How have you been? What is going on?

Take care,

Faith

debbie-b
01-20-2011, 05:33 AM
Hi Faith,

I am sorry to hear about your Mom passing.
My Mom passed away 15 years ago and I still miss her, that will never change, but it will get a little better with time.
I am so glad that you didn't have any problems with your heart. Do you have to get your blood checked on a regular basis now, to see how your potassium levels are?
Wishing you the very best.

Debbie

tortugal
01-20-2011, 05:33 AM
Hi Faith,

I have been reading your post with great interest and I hope you are doing ok with the loss of your mom. I am awaiting diagnosis now as my mom is in her 2nd round of chemo for lung cancer. She is doing alright for the most part, some blips here and there. It has been tough to think of myself during this time, but also difficult to be the kind of daughter I want to be to her when I am not feeling well. I live far away and sometimes the guilt is all that brings me to drag my butt and call.

Sending you all of my prayers. I just wanted you to know how much your story has helped someone else!

Angel Oliver
01-20-2011, 05:58 AM
Oh Faith,

I am so sorry to read your Mom did pass away and i know how hard she was fighting.Like you said,she has no more pain and i am here with everyone else for you.(Also Debbie n Tortugal thoughts are with you).
Phyllis Mountaindreamer is on the Meth so chat with her if you have questions or other memebers too that are on it.Let me know how you get on so glad you have a good doctor that actually takes notice n listens n helps you.
Christmas was quiet had the lurgy,chest infection n getting over pluerisy but im ok.Sleep still bad ...drives me insane.Been thinking of you allot.
Ahhh so glad you bought some flowers,cheers you up a little to look at n smell.
A few people here have lost family n friends recently,Saysusie n Oluwa both.So keep posting you know i care n always here for you.
Hope today is a good day.
Lots of love n so good to hear from you.Thinking of you.
Lots of gentle hugs
Amanda.xxxxxx

Faith
01-26-2011, 12:08 PM
Hi Debbie-b,

Thank you! I miss her terribly. What is more difficult is when my Dad calls and breaks down (they were married for almost 48 years). I am afraid that he is not going to make it because of lonliness; he needs companionship. I feel helpless and I told him I wish I could make it all better; but there is nothing I can do. I have given him info on a seniors group thru our church annd pray he follows up on it. It breaks my heart to see him hurt. I have to have my blood levels checked periodically. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

God Bless,

Faith

Faith
01-26-2011, 12:59 PM
Hi Debbie-B, Tortugal, & Amanda,

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I miss her terribly. What is harder still is when my Dad calls and breaks down (they were married for 48 years). I wish I could fix everything and take the pain away. I am worried about him as he is lonely; he needs daily companionship. I keep praying for him and I told him I couldn't handle losing him as well as my Mom.

Tortugal,
My Mom was not able to finish chemo because her platlets kept dropping too low and her managed care insurance refused to do blood transfusions so they took her off of the chemo. I feel if she had been able to remain on the chemo and get blood transfusions; she would maybe be here today. My hushand donates blood every 6 weeks and the blood bank was even willing to put his blood back for free. The managed care insurance refused to do so. I was fortunate in that my Mom lived in the same city as us and I wouldn't change it for the world. If you get a chance to visit definately do because you just never know; but rest up and pick a weekend that's good for you. Don't stress yourself out because your not close by on a daily basis; it may be a blessing in disguise for you if you are really ill right now. Picking up the phone and calling makes a huge difference; I know it did with my brother who was out of state. It made it more special when he did call and visit. Don't beat yourself up.

Angel,

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It does really mean a lot to me. I hope I don't have to go on the Meth, but I have the latest copies of labs in front of me (just after having a cortisone shot) and my c3 is thru the roof and sed rate is still high. We will have to see how things go with the newest rheumy. The 1st rheumy I saw told me everything was fine in October when I had a sed rate of 54 and was in a lot of pain. He then told me I couldn't be in pain. Thus, the search for a rhuemy who listens to patients and looks at lab results. I am glad to hear you are getting over the pluerisy (ugly stuff-hate it) and chest infection. Has the doctor not rx'd anything for sleep? Just curious. I didn't know Saysusie and Oluwa both lost family and friends. I am very sorry to hear it and will keep them in my prayers. How are they both doing? I have missed them both on the board when I have checked in from time to time. Last time, Oluwa was moving to Seattle? I hope you have a good day and lots of hugs and love your way as well. Thank you for thinking of me.

God Bless,

Faith
xxxxxxxxx

Angel Oliver
01-26-2011, 02:25 PM
Hi Faith,

Mountain dreamer and many others take the mtx if you need more info on it.Its scarey how some doctors get it so very wrong isnt it? I so hope they are able to help you get back on the road to recovery.

Lots of love n hugs
Amanda.xxxx

tortugal
01-26-2011, 03:27 PM
Faith, your insights are again so appreciated! Managed care insurance can be quite awful, I hate mine too. My dad had the good sense to purchase cancer insurance a few years ago... just in case... so that will help with some expenses that might not otherwise be covered. I have been feeling sick all week and I feel bad that my mom worries about me instead of herself. Still, I am thankful that she feels well enough to be able to be worried about me, does that make sense?

I hope you get somewhere with your current rheum track asap so you can get to feeling great soon. Sending you my best!

Peridot20_Gem
05-04-2011, 03:47 PM
Hi Faith,

I'm so sorry you lost your mom and losing people dearly to you can be so disturbing at times.

I lost my dad to cancer they said he had 6wks to live her died in 2wks and the change in those 2kws for me was unbearable besides seeing other family member's go in the same way. It seems to me he always takes the good ones first for some reason.

Sorry to hear also your healths not been to good either at this moment in time but warm hugs to you, hoping your able to pick up abit soon.

Terri xxx