View Full Version : Been miss and now back.

01-14-2010, 01:50 PM
Hi all,
I am so sorry that I have been missing for so long. Been dealing with a host of problems. I do not handle stress and depression well at all.

What I am dealing with is the fact that I think my husband is on his way out. I think he is in the last stages of cirrhosis of the liver due to severe alcoholism. He is showing all of the signs of cirrhosis. His blood pressure is sky high. He is lying to his doctor and tells him that he does not drink alcohol. It makes me so mad, because this is a totally self inflicted illness. He did not have to drink like that. I get an illness that I did nothing to get and here he is with a disease that he could have prevented. His father drank himself to death and so did his stupid mother. It peeves me off to no end. I am sorry I just so desperately need someone to talk to.


01-14-2010, 05:57 PM
Hi Kathy,

I can hear your pain and hurt and anger and frustration in your words and although we don't know eachother, mentally, I am wrapping you in one great big hug.


01-15-2010, 05:53 AM
Hi Sandy,
Thank you so much. It really helps to have friends. I will deal with all that is happening, but boy it is hard.


01-15-2010, 10:07 AM
My Dad was and acholic all of his life just like his dad and most of his brothers. It is a diease that some people cannot beat. My dad was never uguly and retired from his job of 38 years and when my mom had enough and divorced him he really went downhill and died at age 62 from sepsis because of his bleeding ulcers. On Jan 9th he was dead 20 years and i still miss him. I can feel your pain and frustration. Love Bonita

01-15-2010, 10:58 AM
It bothers me too when I see people with self-inflected illness destroying themselves. I realize some of these people are virtually powerless to do anything about it, but it still really bothers me. Like you said, here we are with lupus that we didn't cause in ourselves, but are ill with. It just doesn't seem fair. But life isn't fair is it?

01-15-2010, 01:59 PM
hi kathy,

so glad to hear from you, i have missed your presence here. So sorry to hear about your latest situation...i know this must be very stressful and hard on your body. Please try to find peace within yourself. I know you are frustrated by his drinking, and lying...and I know that alcoholism is a disease that some people just can not control, but please try to give him ownership of his choices....you did not choose lupus, but you must protect yourself from its destruction.

take care, and please stay in touch.

01-15-2010, 02:09 PM
Hi Kathy;
It is so good to hear from you again, but I am truly sorry to hear about your husband. I know that alcoholism is a self-inflicted disease and the person with the disease seems to care nothing about what they are doing to themselves. My mother is a functioning alcoholic and in major denial. So, like your husband, she continues to drink and to lie to her doctors about it. Like you, I get so very angry at her, but I am sure that this does nothing at all to help her or to help me.
I truly understand the mixed emotions that you are feeling and how hard it is to watch someone die from an illness that was 100% preventable. I wish that there was something that I could say that would give you wisdom, comfort, or relief. All that I can say is that I truly understand and my heart goes out to you. Sending you hugs of understanding and compassion!

Peace and Blessings

01-15-2010, 04:22 PM
KATHY! (((((Hugs)))) It's good to "see" you again!

I'm so sorry about your husband. It's painful enough to lose a loved one, but to lose them because of something they knowingly inflicted themselves with is even more painful. Please take very good care of yourself during this.

01-16-2010, 02:20 AM
Hi all,
Thank you all for answering. I went to an Alanon meeting and they told me that there is nothing I can do except to let go and let God deal with him. I told them that I am afraid he is going to stroke out or have a heart attack or and esophageal bleed. They said he may very well have that happen, but it is his fault not mine. I agree with that. I just wish that I had seen this long ago. I would have dumped him. I am just glad that you all answered.


01-19-2010, 08:22 AM
Hi Kathy -
I am just coming back as well, and Im so happy to see you here!! You have always been a great source of support to me. Kathy, I am so sorry to hear of your husband, and his refusal to get help. Before I read all the responses I was going to say, "Go to Al-Anon" - This is a wonderfiul program that helps family members live thier lives as best they can in spite of a loved ones alcoholism/addiction. I hope you continue to go, and also get some phone numbers while your there. Its a great benefit to be able to call someone at any time of day, just to vent, cry, etc. Just as they have sponsors in AA, they have sponsors in Al-Anon. A book I would suggest also is Co-Dependent No More...life changing messages in that one. As you may remember, I have been in recovery from my alcoholism and pain killer addiction for over 3 years now. One of the first things we learn in the program is that we were SELFISH in our abuse of substances. The 12 steps help us to change the way we think, and how to live...for OTHERS. Kathy, I hope and pray your husband gets a moment of clarity, and decides to take responsibility for his problem. I wish all that are still in the midst of their addiction could see that life is SO MUCH BETTER when youre sober...but everyone has their own journey.
Im really happy you went somewhere for support - and that you recognize that YOUR life does not have to end just because he chooses to end HIS. I will keep you both in my prayers honey.
Much Love,

01-20-2010, 02:36 PM
HI Kathy! Ive been MIA as well! Its always something huh! That IS life though! I understand the whole alcoholic thing as well. My WHOLE FAMILY are alcoholics and/or drug addicts,i am the ONLY one to come out of BOTH my moms side and my dads side alcohol and drug free. WOO HOO to THAT i say! My parents, sibling,cousins,aunts uncles,grandparents~~~~~~~ It goes throughout the family tree. Its an awful thing. I tell my kids it is rampid through your blood to become an addict so PLEASE dont take that "first sip" or "first hit"f ANYTHING! My daughter is almost 20 and she NEVER has. SHe says shes the ONLY person out of the circle of friends shes had her whole life who hasnt, but she has fear in her because of all the damage she has seen around her from it. My 14yr old son is the type of person to walk that straight line so he says "heck no mom,yuck! And i dont want to end up like all of our family!" He and his sister have thanked me for being the "sober one" in their lives. They say they dont know what their lives would have been like if i was messed up with all of that crap as well. Im not perfect BUT at least i did THAT right! LOL