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butterfly11
08-26-2005, 03:00 PM
why do i feel so down and depressed? Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be here anymore. My self-esteem about myself is way down, and I feel like I'm going on this emotional roller coaster.

Does anyone here feel that? And I also feel like I'm lost and confused. Why do I feel so lost right now?

hippimom2
08-26-2005, 03:32 PM
butterfly, I think a lot of us can relate to how you are feeling. Not only is lupus hard on you physically, it wreaks havoc on the emotions too. I've gone through a lot of grief and loss because of how much my life has changed. I also deal with the self-esteem issue. I used to be in really good shape and was a long distance runner and it's been hard to watch my body change. THe brain fog doesn't help either when I forget things or can't find the words I'm looking for. I know for me that lupus often leaves me feeling lost and lonely. It's like I'm trying to walk forward, but it's dark and I have no idea what might happen next.

Do you have anyone to talk to when you are feeling down like this? HAve you had a chance to talk to your doctor about how depressed you've been feeling? I'm glad that you were at least able to post here and hopefully others will be along with some more support for you. Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.

butterfly11
08-26-2005, 04:17 PM
thank you for your support. no i don't really have anyone i can talk to about the way I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel like when I talk to people about my depression, or emotional roller coasters, it seems like some people get tired of hearing me talk about my illness, so sometimes I don't even bother. I just keep emotions bottled up inside of me.

But thank you so much for your support. :(

SoleSinger
08-26-2005, 04:35 PM
I hear ya sister! I have a theory on the lost feeling... And it may not be a fit for you, but, this is what I think the lost feeling is for me... I have always been used to not being able to depend on anyone but myself. But, I always knew that I COULD depend on myself. But, now, all of a sudden my own body is attacking itself. So, now it's kind of like, the one thing I could count on in my life, I can't anymore. And that just ADDS to everything I'm already feeling...

As I said, I don't know if that fits for you or not, but, it's a theory... If you ever want to talk, feel free to vent on me, I'm a very good listener!

hatlady
08-27-2005, 11:28 AM
Oh Butterfly!

As the others have said, we all have been where you are, and most of us visit that place fairly regularly. For many of us, it is a clinical depression that is caused by chemical imbalances in our bodies - and we KNOW that lupus can cause those. For those times, medication can help even out the lows.

For times when it is "just" feeling blue, talking to someone can help. If you or your parents have an Employee Assistance Plan (EAP) where you work, talk to them. If you have a local provider of "mental health" services, call them. Talking can make such a difference!

I visit my EAP several times a year. My counselor there calls those times my "tune ups" and we'll meet to talk, she often gives me book assignments as well - I've read many helpful things because of her. Each of us is different, but I'd encourage you to reach out to someone that you can visit and talk with. Your doctor, your minister, a counselor.

Many hugs - and know also that this group is here to listen and support you as well ~

hippimom2
08-27-2005, 03:59 PM
I see a therapist once a month too. I'm like a lot of you and worry that my friends and family will get sick of me talking about the woes of lupus. I can talk about it as much as I want to with my therapist - he's getting paid to listen to me :P

butterfly11
08-28-2005, 11:57 AM
I really appreciate all of your responses. it feels great to have someone here I can talk to.

Thank you :)

honeyshell69
09-06-2005, 01:02 PM
I too am tring to deal with this, the mood swings are just awful, i also have unconrollable angry, for no reson at all I will get so angry, my husban has been great, he get the brunt of it, and is tring to help me, but it is so tiring. does anybody eles have the anger issue, if you have any tips please let me know. thank you

SoleSinger
09-06-2005, 01:57 PM
I have a LOT of anger... Actually, I wouldn't even call it anger... It's full blown uncontrollable RAGE... I scream and cry and throw temper tantrums... But, nothing really helps... Though, I haven't been in a constant state of rage for the past week or so... I guess maybe it's dissipating a little bit... Or maybe it's just been a good week... Who knows?

mommymc
09-06-2005, 08:01 PM
Dear Angels:

My heart breaks for all of you and I wish my tears could be hugs!!! I wish that you didn't have to suffer in silence. That is why all of us are here!! Never apologize for feelings you have!!! You have the right to feel the way you do.
I don't feel the same pain as you do, but my 13 year old certainly does. I want you to know that people do care!!
I went to my first lupus support group last month and honestly, it helped for me. I don't have lupus, and I can not find a support group for parents,in my area, but ask around. I got the number from the Lupus Society here, in Canada. I do know that they have many more in the U.S.. Just 'google' under American Lupus Society, and I hope that you will find one close by to attend.

I send you all positive thoughts, and you are in my prayers.

EVERYTHING GOOD IS POSSIBLE !!! :angel: