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kim,l
12-19-2009, 03:28 PM
hi everyone even though christmas is my favourite time of the year it is also sad i miss my dad he has been dead 5 years now and it never gets any easier this was his favourite time and he always made it special he would have aspecial christmas eve party just for his granchildren with all of there favourite food he would dress up as santa and they could open 1 present on christmas eve and he loved decorating it just does not seem the same without him mikaela made him special bauble the year he died and it is always the first thing she places on the tree and every year on christmas eve she goes outside and looks for the brightess star and says there my poppy and she wishes him a merry christmas and tells him she loves him and sleeps with his photo next to her pillow. my eldest daughter sarah cries every christmas day because she is still grieving for him i try to give them the christmas eve party like dad would but it just is not the same. its amazing it makes you think i may have lupus and my family may have there illness but we got through another year and we are still together and we love each other and to me thats the best gift of all. merry christmas everyone and let all enjoy the time we have with our families and live in the moment because really thats all any of us has i love you all my second family. hugs kim l

magistramarla
12-19-2009, 03:47 PM
Love to you too, Kim
It's funny how we start traditions as parents or grandparents and then those are the things that kids remember and really hold on to. We're missing our kids and grandkids this year, but it's also a good time for them to start their own little family traditions for the kids to remember.
Let's see... We're in California. Heather and Eric are in Guatemala for the holiday. Hillary and Steve just sold their condo in San Antonio, so they and David will be in a little apartment while their new house is being built. Tom is alone in Houston. Kayla and little Kyle are in Denver. Meg and Tyler are in Little Rock, anxiously awaiting the new baby.
It amazes us when we realize how much our little kids have grown up, and now are spread across the U.S. (And even occasionally out of this country).
The circle of life keeps going.
Marla

SandyR
12-19-2009, 08:10 PM
(((HUGS))) I think the holidays are amongst the hardest days for missing the loved ones we lost since it is a time filled with family traditions and memories that honor those we love. I agree that loving your family is the best gift of all. :grouphug:

Saysusie
12-20-2009, 10:13 AM
This is a very difficult time of year when you've lost a loved one. Especially when your memories are filled with how much joy they had during this season. As you mentioned, the passing years do not diminish the pain of the loss. The years simply change the way that we deal with that pain.
Even though your Christmas Eve parties are not the same, you are starting a new tradition, in his honor, which is just as special and your children will remember it with loving memories when they do the same with their children.
I found that it was necessary for us to start new traditions and to do them in honor of our daughter. This makes the Holiday season a bit easier for us!
You are still surrounded by so much love from your family. It is OK to miss your Dad and to talk about how much you miss him. Also talk about those moments that bring a smile to your face and talk about those things that you know would make him smile. Perhaps even set a place at the dinner table for him (I still do this for my daughter)!
Cherish him and your memories, but know that feeling sad and missing him is still alright too!

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie

Bonita
12-20-2009, 11:48 AM
My Dad has been gone since 1990 and i still miss him. He was in intensevie care for six weeks over Christmas and died on Jan 9th of 1990. He was and alcohlic his whole life but i never seen my Dad ugly only sad and he retired after 38 years and when my Mom divorced him it just got worse so i can sympathise with you but have a Merry Christmas and remember all the good things about your childhood and your Dad. Love Bonnie

pandagirl
12-20-2009, 06:25 PM
Kim..my dad passed away 9 years ago 12/27....we actually were all around his bedside on Christmas eve just waiting,,,,,he hung on 3 more days.As much as I love Christmas it is now difficult not to think of this most difficult time.Now..my mom passed away 6 months ago so this is my first Christmas without her too.I have a great husband and two beautiful daughters..along with 4 sibs.I know I am very lucky to have all of them..but it still hurts.

abbasgirl
12-21-2009, 10:08 AM
As you mentioned, the passing years do not diminish the pain of the loss. The years simply change the way that we deal with that pain.

Very well said, Saysusie.

My stepdad was my dad to me and one of the most important people in my life. We met when I was 12. We didn't get along too well until some years later. The father I had was no father, and it took me a while to get used to this new man in my mother's life. However, once we connected, we connected.

I called him Papi same as his biological daughters did, spanish for Dad...he was from Puerto Rico. He was my daddy and he called me his daughter. He was an awesome cook and gardener. He loved to grow muskadines and fruit trees and learned to make his own wine. He even made his own labels for the bottles. He taught me and many people in my family so many things. He loved learning new things and could fix so many jobs around the house simply by reading about it. He was an amazing person to me and many others. Always industrious and had a huge heart. We cut up together so much and worked on a lot of projects around the house together. We cooked together and worked in the garden together. When he retired, we really soaked one another up! When we'd have troubles in life we could talk to one another...and we'd console one another. If he saw damage being done, he'd try to undo it and tried to prevent a lot of disasters from happening in the family. He was my constant in life. My hero. My daughter adores him. They were very close. Losing him in 03 hurt us so terribly. We still ache.

Every Christmas was especially hard at first because his bday was always before Christmas and we'd make him banana bread... he loved homemade banana bread. He was very frugal and didn't want expensive presents...expensive to him was over 5 dollars. When asked what did he want for a gift, he'd say "Buy me underwear." lol. And he was serious. We'd buy him that or socks or make him banana bread. Looking at him you'd never guess he was loaded. lol. He was very humble but sometimes way too darn frugal, but we loved that about him and we learned it's good to be frugal. At Christmas he would fuss about how we shouldn't spend so much money on gift giving and he SO detested that part of Christmas...sometimes to the point that he was being a downer about it...lol...but the man always outdid himself on the cooking every year. He loved to cook and he enjoyed that part of the holiday very much. We had huge delicious dinners on holidays!

He blessed our lives so much and in so many different ways. It was a hard way to learn to 'enjoy the moment' and gaining the realization of how fragile life really is. He was the healthiest and strongest person in our family. He passed away in 03, but I can still hear his opinions about spending money on Christmas, and other things he'd say and do that we adored about him. He's still with us in a sense and I feel sure he can see us and knows we miss him. So, we're still connected even though he isn't here and that helps me with the grief a great deal. Talking about it always helps also. It does get better with time...like Saysusie said, over time we learn to cope. It never stops hurting, but we move on...carrying our loved ones in our hearts.

wolfwhisper
12-21-2009, 01:18 PM
Saysusie is right. Only time can heal a heart, and it takes longer for some than others.

Although it's not christmas, I lost my best friend (a cat :huh:) on Valentine's day of 2000. I only just stopped crying when he is mentioned even though I still mourn for him. Also, I think it was '03, I lost my 9 year old cousin a week before Katrina. I think about her every 4th of July and Christmas, since she liked fireworks and was always happy when Christmas was near. The only thing that cheers me up about the loss, is that he will live on in my heart and will always be with me and never leave. Even if I can't see him. It took a while to convince me, but now I know it's true.