View Full Version : New to Site, and need someone to talk to

08-25-2005, 11:13 AM
Hello, Im a 22 yrs old, and i was dx'd with Lupus on July 21st 2005 with SlE, 2 days before my 22nd b-day and informed my left kidney was failing.
I dont have anyone to talk to about it really because many of my friends got tired of dealing with me being sick all the time. My fiancee left me because he didnt want to deal with it, and had enough and broke it off.

Im very depressed and it just feels like my life is over before its even began. I dont know what to do. Im about to lose my job, and im normally a very strong together person. Im just looking to talk to someone that understands what im going through... :cry:

08-25-2005, 11:37 AM
Hi Aeryn;
I know how hard it is to be diagnosed with such an unpredictable and systemic disease when you are so young. My heart went out to you as I read your post. I watched my own daughter go through some of the same depression that you are feeling. You've lost your friends, your love, maybe your job and you have gained an illness. Not to mention, some of your medications and the Lupus itself may be adding to your sense of depression. You have every right to feel depression and anger, do not beat yourself up about that. The most common cause of depression with Lupus is the emotional drain from the continuous series of stresses, strains and life changes associated with coping with this chronic illness.
You did not mention your family - brothers, sisters, mother, father. Are they being supportive and understanding. I know you are feeling overwhelmed and your family is probably feeling that way too. The feeling of being overwhelmed is very real for both you and your family.
However, educating yourself and your family can help to alleviate many of the worries and concerns that you and they may have. You must understand that you will have days when you are upset about having lupusó just as your family and friends will beupset that you have it! You will be upset about the side effects of your medications and upset about the limitations placed on on you because you have lupus.
Know that it's no one's fault; I know that doesn't help much, but it is true.
I would also suggest a lupus support group, if there is one in your area.
There is a whole pamphlet dedicated to depression in lupus provided by the Lupus Foundation of America. For information about lupus or to locate the a foundation chapter nearest you, visit their website at www.lupus.org or call them at 1-800-558-0121
What I really want you to know is that we truly understand what you are going through and what you are feeling. Please believe that you are not alone and we are here for you any time that you need to talk or just want to release your emotions. There is always someone here who will talk to you, comfort you, answer your questions and support you!
Peace and Blessings

08-25-2005, 01:50 PM
Thank you for responding to my post. As far as my family goes, we dont talk about it much. my parents are angry and they dont know how to react to me. It gets very hard. I know im depressed, but i dont like to ask for help. its very hard for me to reach out considering ive always been very independent. I have looked into the Lupus foundation site, and ive found a grp near me. its just going to the support grp that makes me uncomfortable. like this is anoyn. but then if i actually went to the grp itd make it real. i just dont know what to do anymore. it's breaking my heart.

08-25-2005, 05:15 PM
Hi PinkPixxie! I'm so sorry to hear what you're dealing with. I, too felt a little wierd going to a support group. The reason I did, was, I felt very fortunate that there was a group right in my own town and I felt I should at least give it a try. I'm so glad I did. I, too never considered myself to be the "support group kind". Maybe you could try it just once and take it from there. I've gone at least 6-7 times and each new face has that same uneasy look (at first) but by the end of the meeting it's replaced by a look of relief and satisfaction. So long as the meetings are kept on a positive note - it can be very uplifting and informative. Maybe you can enlist someone to go with you for the first time (family would be good - maybe it would be good for them, too.) I did the first time, now I prefer to go alone. (I think you can talk more candidly.) Hang in there. The beginning is the toughest part, it will get better.

08-25-2005, 09:36 PM

I know how you feel about the whole support group thing... I can't bring myself to do that either... I had a hard enough time joining this site, even though it IS anonnymus!! Something about sharing such a huge thing with strangers was very hard for me... It still kind of is... Not that you'd know it anymore looking at all my posts... LOL!! I also agree whole heartedly about HATING to ask for help... I still don't do it... And I pay for it... But, for some reason, it's really difficult for me to admit that I have to slow down... Kinda like, if I do, then this thing wins... And I can't let it win...

I've only been diagnosed a little over a month, too.. Also with lupus nephritis... And I have a great set of ears... So, if you ever just want to talk, I'm more than happy to listen!

08-26-2005, 05:33 AM
Welcome pinkpixxie. I am so glad you are here, but so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I think you will find a lot of support here and people who understand a lot of what you are going through. The family and friend thing is really hard. I am constantly afraid that I am going to alienate people because I am sick all the time and eventually they will get sick of me being sick. Like you, I used to have it all together and was very independent and didn't like to ask for help. The good thing about this forum is that we are all in the same boat, so grab a paddle and come on in! There are a lot of great people here. Take care and stay in touch :lol:

08-31-2005, 07:47 AM
I'm a newbie here too, and almost 3 years ago I was diagnosed with lupus. The news felt like getting hit across the back of the head by a 2x4!

Unlike you, I didn't tell anyone for a while. It took me almost a week to tell my family, and even to this day I don't think some of my friends know.

I was determined not to let Lupus run my life, so as painful as it was during the first few months, I went to the gym for 30 minutes a day (which helped my heart and also helped me sleep better, it also helped my stress levels), I joined WW and lost 30 lbs (which helped put less stress on my joints) and I got myself a counselor (talking helped relieve stress, and let me get out all the emotions I was afraid to show my family and friends)

I took me 6 months of serious work to put myself into remission, which I guess I am pretty lucky for.

I know it might be hard to deal with right now, but remember, all things considered, your body is still your body, disease or not, and it can only control you as much as you let it.

Now is the time to get involved. Take that photography class you have been wanting to, do some volunteer work, meet new people. This is your life, take advantage of it. And remember that LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

I know you can do it. You're strong enough to ask for help. You're strong enough to go out and find it.

Keep your chin up.

09-02-2005, 03:24 AM
Hi. I understand. This is a great site to get help and advice that is helpful.

Keep you attention on the positive like you are doing. That's very well done! It does make a huge difference having people in your life who care and you have found that here and I'm sure you will find that with the support group.

Get as much data on what is going on with you as possible. The more you know the more at cause you can be over your situation. Also, help others. That will help you as well.


12-10-2005, 10:20 AM
Hi Aeryn,

I too started out with kidney involvment with my Lupus 10 years ago...they only diagnosed it 9 years ago though!!! I have found however, that with good doctors and wonderful support, that I could be in remission. I have many other problems that go along with yet are separate from my Lupus. The most important things right now are for you to find a brilliant nephrologist, and that you have support from your family and friends.

I understand your fear of a support group, and not even wanting to tell your friends...I was diagnosed when I was 19. It is difficult for friends and family to "see" what is wrong. But trust me...there are many ways to talk to them and "show" them how you feel.

I'm sure that things will look brighter for you. You have come to a wonderful, loving site!!! Hang in there!!!