View Full Version : Long time! Just a bit of advice?

12-01-2009, 03:17 PM
Hi guys, been ages since I posted on here. Had a hectic time with Uni and stuff.

Anyway I'm having something of a vile situation at the moment. Bit of background, past few years I haven't had a lot to do with my Dad because he was an alcoholic, and then eventually (last wednesday) it got the better of him and he had a massive binge and died. Now as mum and dad divorced, I'm his next of kin. Which is where the fun begins.

Initially, less than 12hrs after he died my family empitied his flat (my aunts and uncle) and took all the valuables. Then they ring me informing me that I need to sort out his pensions and banks, and bring round a death certificate so I can do this.

I do this, even though they won't give me his bank statements so I can't find what bank he's with, and also say I need to pay 160 deposit for funeral... fair enough.

Then today they ring me and say the funeral director is sending me the bill. Bearing in mind I am 20 years old, at University so living off my student loan of 6k a year and they all are married and in full time work. The funerals 2k...

They are now also pestering me about the pension money (im not giving them any but they dont know that) and seem to think stuff will happen in days when reality is its gonna be months.

Obviously all this stress is getting to me, and haven't even had the funeral yet. Been ill with my lupus a lot lately because theres some concerns about my kidneys, and my backs been hurtin a lot, along with the usual. As you'll all know stress makes it worse.

I just sort of need someone to talk to really, and figured here would be good cause you guys have a better grasp of what stress does to us lupies. It's really upsetting me that family can be so vile, my mums trying to help as much as she can but she has no money and can't do any of the paperwork as there divorced...

So yea... sorry about the rant, just been bottling up lol!!

12-01-2009, 04:19 PM

I am sorry about your dad.
This happens alot, when somebody dies, the family become animals and go after any kind of money or valueables. Don't give anybody anything. I am sorry, that you have to go through this.
Make sure you take care of yourself.


12-01-2009, 04:51 PM
I am so sorry about your Dad accept my deepest sympathies. This really does happen to some famlies at the saddest time in their lives hope that all works out and take care of your health. Love and prayers Bonita

Angel Oliver
12-01-2009, 05:53 PM
Oh my dear friend im so sorry to hear of your loss.Its times like these when greed takes over,i know a similar thing happened with my grand parents. When they died,my uncle took it all .It still angers me today,but i carnt change it and have to deal with it.
You need proper advice.Call citizens advice or go see a solicitor.I think the first half hour is free anyway.You are a student so i think this could benefit you,but im not 100%.As if you have'nt got enough to worry about the vultures come and do this to you.So selfish some people.But as bad as it all is,try keep going on,people can help you with this.Im sure!If they can empty the house they can foot the bill.I so hope you get good advice soon and wipe the greedy little smirks of their faces.
Im sorry on top of this you are sick and kidneys are hurting.I'll be thinking of you.Im sorry you are dealing with all this and the grieving on top,even if he was a drinker,he was your Dad,so you will feel the loss.Keep posting,talking,screaming......anything to help yourself....we are here!! Ive missed you and hope uni is good,just take one day at a time.

Lots of love n sympathy

sick n tired
12-01-2009, 07:24 PM
Oh no...Please accept my deepest regrets....I agree with Amanda...you need help...these people might be taking advantage of you because you are young...it would be nice to have someone who is an advocate for you...

12-01-2009, 07:29 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, too. You seem too young to be saddled with this. Could there be some sort of office right at your university that might help you? Does your university have a law school? They certainly could point you in the right direction!
Take care of yourself,

12-02-2009, 08:21 AM
I'm so sorry about your Dad, sweetie...and that you are facing such ugly trouble. I don't know what you could do but just wanted to offer my sympathies and add reminders to take it as super easy on yourself right now. Rest as much as you can.