View Full Version : worrying news for daughter

11-29-2009, 10:55 PM
hi everyone as most of you know my daughter mikaela who is 14 has been unwell we had neurologist appointment at childrens hospital today not so good news she has neurologic problems something is wrong with her brain that is affecting her balance and coordination as well as having autism her reflexes are not good and her muscles either they also believe she has enlarged liver. and is suffering from depression from being bullied at school she got beat up again on friday and tried to defend herself and because she hit back they also suspended her for a week the neurologist is very worried about her being hit in the head she now has to have a series of tests a mri scan , ultrasound, and lumbar puncture, as well as series of bloodtests and referral physcolgical department for depression. she has had so much to deal with for a kid her age with my illness and her fathers as well as her sisters and brother the neurologist believes she was born with brain damage due to premature birth which he believes was caused from my lupus so this has made me feel more guilty i hate this disease because it has not only affected me but also my children. i amfeeling unwell at the moment with my kidneys and liver and severly bloated i bent down to pick something up this morning and i have been in severe pain since this morning am having to take endone am dizzy and have nausea i am so embarrassed going to weightwatches as my weight is up and down one week i lose the next i put it on i am feeling extremely depressed right now thankyou for listening hugs kim l

11-30-2009, 05:14 AM
Hi Kim,

That is an awful lot of stuff to have to deal with for your daughter, and for you. Everytime I hear the words bully, and beat up again, I get a little flash of my childhood and all the bullies and beatings I endured. Hard to imagine since today I'm 6'1" and more than capable of defending myself. I really feel for your daughter, and I know the emotional scars can run very deep. And to be suspended for defending yourself just adds insult to injury. Defending ones self from harm is one of the most basic rights a person has, and to be punished for exercising that right is as wrong as wrong can get.

You shouldn't feel guilty about your Lupus possibly being the cause of some of your daughter's problems. It's not like you asked to have Lupus. You didn't cause your Lupus. Definitely hate the disease, but don't beat yourself up, as you are not at fault.

About the weight issue, and going to weight watchers. Instead of being embarassed, you should reach back and pat yourself on the back for going. You are not comfortable with the weight you are at right now, and you are doing something about it, I think that shows courage and honesty on your part, hardly things to be embarrased about.

I hope the Dr.'s can find some answers for your daughter's health problems, and I hope she can get through all the problems with the bullies. She must feel like she's at the bottom of some deep, dark hole. Let her know that there's other people who have been where she is, and understand what it's like. Let her know that like other's she too can make it through all of this and end up OK one day.


Angel Oliver
11-30-2009, 05:56 AM
Oh Kim, just to let you know im thinking of you and am sorry to hear about your daughter.I hope you make sure you press charges and inform the school on whoever hit her in the head as well.Its so wrong what she is going through and so what she defended herself yet she got suspended? Something not right.I hope she now gets the help she needs and you too.So much to deal with,but we are all here for you.

Lots of love

11-30-2009, 10:46 AM
I'm so concerned about you and your family!
As Rob said, you can't keep beating yourself up over this. You didn't cause the lupus, and you didn't ask for it.
I really get upset at the way schools respond to fights nowadays. The schools are mostly concerned about being sued, so they often punish the victim more than the bully. All this does is show the bullies that they can get away with it, and they get to watch the victim suffer even more. It used to frustrate me to see this sort of thing happen when I was teaching.
Kim, can you get anyone at the school to advocate for Mikaela? Is there an AP, a counselor or a teacher that both of you feel you can talk to? If she has someone within the school who will take her side and understands all of the implications for her, it might help.
If school districts there are anything like those in the U.S., the thing that they fear the most is being sued. If you can show the administration all of the doctors' findings and make it very clear to them that you will hold the school responsible if she is damaged any further, it might scare them into doing more to protect her. This is where you need that person from the faculty on your side, so that if you get too emotional, that person can explain things for you.
Hang in there, and keep fighting, girl!

11-30-2009, 10:47 AM
Kim....(((((Hugs)))) to you and your family sweetie.

Like Rob said, don't beat yourself up. You've got a lot of patting on the back to do!

I'm praying for your sweet Mikaela... that the doctors help her and things at school improve for her.

Love and more (((hugs)))

11-30-2009, 08:13 PM
KIM...."no child left behind"..your district has an obligation to provide education in a safe environment for your child!!! If they can not keep her in your district..they have to find a place for her...if they can't do that, they can give you a tutor at home. Hold your ground and if you must.... get a child advocate from your county. Kids have rights too. You have so much on your plate....hang in there you health is important... as is hers.Prayers are with you.

sick n tired
11-30-2009, 11:14 PM
I agree with Pandagirl....you need to take this as far as you can go...your sweet Mikaeila deserves a school where the kids dont hit her...

I am praying for both of you....You sound like you are almost to your breaking point....try to get the rest you need...and like the others above said...don't feel guilty...that is a mommy's worst enemy....and counterproductive...actually you should feel proud of yourself for all you have accomplished....

12-01-2009, 04:16 AM
i am really worried about mikaela and i have meeting with school on friday if they cannot guarantee her safety we are pulling her out of school for the rest of the year don,t get me wrong i know mikaelas no angel she is like all girls her age but this is the 8 time in 2 years she has been severly beaten 2 of these required emergency room visits and it has been the same girls they say nasty things to her like her mother is a whale because she i am overweight and i am a cripple and they wished that both stephen and i would die from our injuries they call mikaela retard and mikaela gets hurt and retalliates she is very protective of her father and me they have done some terrible things to her push her down stairs lock ed her in cupboards tried to cut her with scissors hit and kicked her in the head she has bruises every week these girls are so vindictive we have tried to teach mikaela to walk away but they stalk her and because of her aspergers words hurt her alot she is unable to comprehend she just wants to defend her father and me and this makes her more of a target because they no this upsets her what makes us angry is she should be punished for trying to protect herself they say she should tell playground teacher but she has tried and they tell her to go away and stop annoying them. with having to have these tests and also worrying about her enlarged liver and what is causing it the stress is overwhelming i am sick and in so much at the moment the mtx works and i get some relief but it also makes me sick to make matters worse i turned the wrong way yesterday and my back is worse and my liver and kidney are playing up i am so sick and frightened for my baby i am feeling at my wits end i am crying alot and feel the depression taking over. i just wanted to have one good christmas for a change. thankyou for all your kind words and support it has mean.t the world to me to have such caring friends i just wish i could report some good news for a change i hope you are all having a good and painless day love and hugs kim l

12-01-2009, 07:50 AM
School was a rough place to be when I was a kid. When my kids started school I was floored at how much tougher it had grown. And the experiences I hear about now make me very worried about our future. It just gets meaner and meaner. My husband worked for the city schools for a while and sympathized with teachers trying to keep kids from fighting and grow angry watching coaches allow boys to fight, only stepping in when it started getting bloody.

I'm with you kim...it would be nice to have a good and peaceful Christmas. I'm praying that we all get blessed with a healthier and happy one this year.

I don't know how things are done in your country, but over here that warrants a talk with a superintendent and if need be, police. You're in Australia right?

The parents of those bullies need to be pulled in and warned that this has to stop right away and no more problems. But then, over here, only that will get you so far. I've had to talk to school officials who only nodded heads, looking bored with one more parent complaining, and only gave a slap on the wrist. Not just over bullies as children but a teacher as a bully. I understand that their hands are tied about a lot of situations, but when a child sends another child to a doctor or ER, that's definitely a red flag and that child needs some serious help and the parents ought to be apologizing and helping to pay the medical bills.

That just makes me so angry. Poor Mikaela.

12-01-2009, 10:31 AM
The guilt that we have affected our children's health because of our lupus is sometimes overwhelming. I know that it has affected my daughter Kelly's health and I feel really bad about that because I can't do anything about it. It is genetically predisposed.

12-01-2009, 10:34 AM
Have you ever thought about suing the girl's parents who have caused all this misery to your daughter and of suing the school for not protecting her? I would seriously consider talking to a lawyer about this.

12-01-2009, 10:47 AM
About your weight issue. I too am overweight, but I don't let people intimidate me, or say hurtful things about me without standing up for myself. Be proud of yourself (whatever your weight is) and be self-confident. Self confidence can go a long way. I have gotten to the point that I really don't care what other people think about my weight. They don't walk in my shoes. Keep your chin up, sweetie.