View Full Version : want to scream
11-05-2009, 09:31 PM
as most of you know my daughter sarah has post traumatic stress disorder and ocd stemming from being assaulted by relative when she was child we were not sure if he had had full on sex with her because she blocked it out last week she found out she was not a virgin we now know that it was a full on sexual assault needless to say this has traumatised us all but we thought she was dealing with it but a few days ago her behaviour changed her moods became erratic screaming crying and angry yesterday the councellor at the mental ill hostel she lived at took her for bloodtests for lupus when the lab assistant stepped out she stole 2 syringes and tried to stick then in her veins to inflict pain and see her blood she said it made her feel better. last night she rang me screaming and cursing she was going to use razor blades she also verbal abused councellors screaming telling them to stay away from her she just didnot care about her life anymore she threatned to hit them if they came near her. she also verbally abused her father and me telling me that she felt we were not supporting her for not letting her come home but we just cannot i am not well enough to look after her and myself stephen and mikaela this hurt me very deeply as i have done everything to help her.both my husband and myself had no sleep last night my lupus has flared extremely due to stress and stephen has had chest pain. i don,t know what to do i have told mental facility not to let sarah call me for a few days as i need time to calm down i feel like i am in a pressure cooker i feel guilty because i cannot help her and because it was my sister and her partner who did this to her i feel like i am losing my mind i just want to scream enough is enough i cannot take this anymore i just want some peace and i don,t know were to turn. thankyou for listening again my friends to my family dramas love kim l
11-06-2009, 04:55 AM
Im so sorry to read about this.Im thinking of you all and so hope soon life eases for you all.
Lots of lovexxxxxxxx
11-06-2009, 06:05 AM
I am sorry to hear, that things are not getting better for you and your family. You will be in my prayers.
11-06-2009, 08:22 PM
Your family has more than its share of horrendous problems, and it all seems to fall on your shoulders. Be strong, girl, and be sure to take care of yourself.
We're all here thinking good thoughts for you.
11-07-2009, 06:02 AM
So sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time right now! We are all here for you! ANYTIME!!! Take care of youself and I will definately be praying for you and your family for things to calm down...
11-08-2009, 01:32 PM
hi kim, i am so sorry to hear about this traumatic discovery. You carry so much weight on your shoulders, and you feel like you are supposed to fix everything for everybody. I know you feel guilty about telling the counselors not to let sarah call for a couple of days, but you need the rest, and you must think about yourself. I am sure that they will take very good care of her, so you take care of you and get some rest. Try to sleep, and don't put yourself down, you are a great mom. All of this is too much for any one person to handle, you are faced with unbelievable family problems, so you must put yourself at the top of the importance list.
11-08-2009, 03:33 PM
thankyou all for your support i have been trying to rest but i took mtx on saturday and i am feeling ill i have spoken to sarah but she is in a very dark place right now she has lost all hope she is giving up she is in such a bad depression i get so angry that this monster is still walking around free while little girl suffers and i feel so angry that my sister took the easy way out instead of accepting responsibility for what she did she killed herself and left us to pick up the pieces i know i should really feel sorry for her but i am just to angry right now i feel like my life is spiralling out of control sometimes i just wish i could pack my bags and run away from it all i even hate the phone ringing now these councellors donot seem to be helping her it has been 3 years since her breakdown and she is no better the situation seems so hopeless now. thankyou for listening my friends it is good to vent sometimes i have taken to screaming in pillows lately just to get some relief. hugs kiml
11-08-2009, 04:18 PM
my dear kim, i send you wishes for peaceful rest. I know you are worried about sarah, and it is not her fault that she is in this dark place. This horrendous act was done to her, and now she is suffering, and you are also suffering. I am sure that everyone here joins me in giving you a giant group hug. We are always here, let us take some of the burden off of your shoulders.
11-08-2009, 07:36 PM
So sorry for your daughter and your family. My daughter suffers from PTSD also. She gets very depressed sometimes and has big mood swings, etc. She doesn't live with me anymore, as she is now married, but I am sure it must be hard on her husband, and on her too.
I hope things get better for you.
11-09-2009, 03:06 AM
thankyou phyllis and everyone i had some news today which was distressing they cannot cope with sarah anymore and her mood swings and have given her 2weeks to leave sarah rang me crying she is so distressed if they cannot find anywhere for her we will have to bring her home i will have to care for her i am so scared i do not know if i can do it the stress of today has made me really ill i am in pain i have headaches and am very fatigued my body feels so heavy i have had heart palpitations i worry i am being selfish not wanting to do this but i just do not know if i can cope with my lupus and stephens and mikaelas health as well as looking after sarah this illness is hard enough to deal with everyday just looking after myself without constantly having care for sarah she has to be constantly watched because of suicidal thoughts but as this inevidable outcome i suppose i will just have to put myself on hold for awhile and think about sarah she needs me right now and i am her mother and i love her unconditionally. well thats my news for today thankyou for listening you have all been a great support for me. hugs kim l
11-09-2009, 11:30 AM
kim, please call the dr. that is trying to help you get new housing. Tell him what is happening with sarah and see if maybe he can help you find a solution. I know your love is unconditional, but only professionally trained individuals have the knowledge and skills to care for sarah. She needs the best that the medical community can provide. Please try to find someone to help you.
11-09-2009, 06:49 PM
Wow! Your plate has been full. I am sorry to hear about all the added stress happening lately.
Can Sarah's house just do that - kick her out without helping you find new lodgings for her? That seems unethical to me. How's Mikeala doing? How're you and Stephen today? Have you heard anyword about the bathroom repairs? I hope you are carefully watching your step inthere.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
11-10-2009, 06:20 PM
dear sandy thankyou for your kind words yes they can throw her out they have found her 2 weeks crisis care accomodation and they will review her situation in 2 weeks and if they donot decide to let her back in to program then we will have to take her this is very distressing for stephen and myself my health is not the best at the moment it is all the stress. mikaela is still not well they are having to turn lights off in classroom because the light is affecting her eyes she is wearing sunglasses and a hat al the time very fatigued and compalaining of headaches, and pains in joints her lupus test came back negative so they will now have to look for other causes this is also a worry we are waiting for neurologist appointment for her this could take time. stephen has to see neurologist in december because he is still weak on left side oand they are waiting to give him tests for his dementia as well as sleep disorder clinic. no sandy i still have not got my transfer and my bathroom is the same i am still having dizzy spells and weakness and am still having falls. my weight loss is very slow i have had some reallly bad bloating in the last 3 weeks and this shows on the scales but i am hanging in there sometimes it gets so frustrating i would just lie to have some goodnews to tell everyone for a change sarah has just rang me to tell me she has recieved a 6000 dollar bill for her internet they signed her up to a plan she did not understand this has just added to my stress level i do not know why the mental health facility allowed her to do these things i do not know how to get her out of this situation i am tired of everyones worries being put on to me i just want a little peace and quiet. well thanks for caring thats my news for today love and hugs andy i hope you are feeling well today my friend kim l
11-10-2009, 07:02 PM
I'm so worried about your state of mind, too.
Does Sarah have a person that we here in the US would call a caseworker - someone who works for the state and oversees a person's care? It seems to me that there should be some professional person who could advocate for her so that this doesn't all fall upon you.
I agree with Mountaindreamer - please, please look for another place for her where she can be taken care of by people who are trained for these things. It is just not right for you to try to care for her in her state.
As always, please take care of yourself!
Lots of gentle hugs,
11-10-2009, 10:12 PM
yes marla she does have a councellor but she agrees with them she says sarah needs consquences for her actions and if that means she ends up in homeless shelter thats her problem what annoys me is they have no idea what she goes through with living with the abuse and inflicting pain on herself is the only way she feels relief it has been 3 years with this councellor and she does not seem any better they have told me if i go against them and take sarah home after these 2 weeks they will not offer me anymore help i would need to seek private help for her which i cannot afford i am only on pension she only gets to see phyciatrist every month she feels like nobody listens to her she is my daughter and i am worried about her safety. the councellor just does not seem to get it. the mental health system here is very bad. i am worried i will not be able to cope but if coming home is the only i have to protect her i do not see any alternative i wish there was i have not slept for 3 days because of worry thankyou very much for caring i really am grateful for all the support i feel like a rock in hard place . love and hugs kim l
11-11-2009, 04:19 PM
oh Kim, my friend I wish there was something to do to help you. Can you request a new councellor?
11-11-2009, 05:35 PM
hi sandy no they will not allocate her another councellor i hope they will consider taking her back after the next two weeks otherwise i will be caring for again and this is a 24 hour job with her severe moodswings and we would have to make sure all sharp objects were locked away it would be constant supervision as well as attending all her appoinments with her and as i already have enough appointments with my illness and mikaelas and stephens i will have to be juggling everything and stephen is so unwell at the moment he has no energy and just wants to stay at home his brother takes time off work to take us to appointments as i do not drive and even if i wanted to my eyesight now prevents me as well as using a walking stick most of the time. sarah coming home is going to put undue pressure on us that is why another reason i want transfer i need shower but i also need to be near our specialists they are all in the one area but goverment housing is taking its time i may not get transfer till middle of next year even though i am hurting myself all the time i put another call in today hoping they can give me a date but i still have no reply. thankyou for listening and caring you are a good friend hugs kim l