View Full Version : While on the topic of "lupus and death".....(a lit

08-21-2005, 06:18 PM
Reading all the replys regarding lupus and death made me just realize something that, in a strange way, must be related. I have always been the type of person that was able to "read" people fairly well. My best friend became my best friend because I sensed she really needed someone. I am drawn to people who seem to need a friend. I get sad when I see people who are alone and can see their loneliness in their face. One of my best traits I think is the ability to listen to people who just need to get things off their chest. To try to keep this short, it makes me very happy to "perk people up" and compliment them. To see a sad face turn into a smile is exhilerating for me. I used to work w/ a guy who always wore really nice ties. I complimented him a couple of times and it seemed to make his day. I honestly believe he started to look forward to it. By no means was it just an empty compliment. I really mean what I say, I'm just not afraid to say it to people I know. Well, ever since being dx'd 3 years ago, I sense in myself a desire to "clean out my emotional closet" as I call it. I am determined to tell people that I think are special that they ARE special to me. That they are beautiful or handsome, even though THEY don't think they are, or that they're admired and I look forward to seeing them. Unfortunately, some of these people are just very casual aquaintances and I am relatively shy. I would love to say what I want to say, but can't seem to do it. It just has become so much more important to me to accomplish it. I guess I just don't want my intent to be misinterpreted as looking for trouble (I am a very happily married woman) and to tell a guy "he's very handsome" or "seems like a great guy and whoever finds him will be very lucky" --well, it just may convey the wrong message. Why, then do I feel like I just might burst if I don't get to say what I want to say? I feel obsessed with getting this off my chest....making people feel good about themselves...Maybe I'm subconsciously trying to figure out my "purpose" before my time is up...any thoughts?

08-21-2005, 09:25 PM
That was great of you to share with everyone...I don't know if you have ever seen the movie or read the book called Pay It Forward. It's a fantastic idea about a kid who wants to pass a small act of kindness to others. The concept is to do something purely out of the goodness of your heart for someone else. As payment, they agree to return the favor to 2 other people. From there the acts multiply.

I try not to view having lupus as having my days numbered but instead to squeeze every bit of life out of each day. My philosophy I have tried to live my life by is...have I made a positive difference in someone else's life today? If you think about it, everyone's days are numbered...we just don't know the number. I lost my mom 3 years ago. She had had a heart attack 15 yrs prior and had completely changed her way of eating. She suddenly passed away, holding her newest grandchild. She didn't drop my nephew and went very suddenly. I miss her terribly but if there is a better way to say adios to this world, I can't think of one.

Have you considered joining a support group in your community? My husband is urging me to do so. I hesitate only because I studied alot about lupus but it scared me to death so I stopped reading anything about it. I think the more informed you are, the more you are going to pay attention to your body and keep in contact with your dr. to help keep you on this earth as long as possible.

Just some food for thought!

08-22-2005, 05:28 PM
Hi catlady4520,

Thank you for your response --
Yes, I have seen that movie. I thought is was really good... (I hated the ending, though!) I, too don't look at my days being numbered, I think it's more like not wanting to have any regrets and wanting (or trying) to make a difference in a positive way in someone's life. I enjoy nurturing I think and unfortunately we live in a world where "beautiful people" get most of the positive attention. I like to give more attention to those that are usually looked over. (ie. anytime I volunteer at my daughter's school - I tend to gravitate to the quiet kids who are polite and raise their hand and wait their turn. The loud "in your face" kids tend to take all the attention simply by being loud!) I guess since I've always been shy and quiet, I can relate! This site certainly offers a lot of insight and I enjoy coming here!

So long for now,

08-24-2005, 07:19 PM
I feel kind of the same way, that since I've had lupus, I'm more apt to be honest, show appreciation, and not be as shy about it. So, far, no one has taken it the wrong way! Fortunately, I work with a great group of people that also give a lot of positive reinforcement, so maybe that has helped my confidence level in that way. However, I also find myself being honest on the other end more now, like when my feelings are hurt - previously, I maybe wouldn't have told my sister if something she did hurt me for fear of hurting her, but now I'm willing. Maybe I just have less fears now all areound........