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View Full Version : Am I wrong for making my husband compromise



jcg196
10-16-2009, 08:49 PM
Hi everyone,

I hate to vent and post a thread only when i am pissy =/ But I would like to hear yall thoughts on this.

My husband pretty much calls the shots, when I wanted kids and I got the go ahead my husband so no he wasn't ready. Now he wants kids (I will be 28 next month) and my lyme is positive and the doctor told me I needed to wait. And I feel bad because he sounded upset when I told him but I really think he feels this is a joke. When I came to him and said honey we have a window of opportunity (SLE is remission, lyme is clear, etc) He said no. Now we have to wait.

And I just feel bad at times cuz I'm wondering if in his head he is thinking man I wish she was healthier or I had a healthier wife.

So I had been searching for a puppy (not to change the subject) He always says no to the idea of having a pet but I feel like hey dude I compromised with the kid part u gotta give me something here......I am home alone all day, he golfs with his family and friends ....and leaves me home.

I guess I just want something to love and have something love me back.....

(fyi I grew up on a farm it's killn me not to have pets!!)

What do u all think, should I forget about the puppy and just wait??

Love you guys and hope all is well!!! xoxox

neL

sick n tired
10-16-2009, 10:43 PM
No...get the puppy...I love my hubby, but you just described him...It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that I am able to make decisions....At times, I feel when I ask to do something like having a baby he says no because it is my idea...
You do have a say...It is ok to submit if that is what you are doing, but you do have a mind and you should be in on the babymaking decisions...it is terrible that your illness doesn't fit in his plans, but that is reality...if you doc says don't try for a baby, then there is the answer....
Do get yourself a puppy and/or a cat....please don't let him take that from you....

DrinkofWtr
10-17-2009, 07:38 AM
I would not forget about the puppy. I am sure the puppy would be a joy to you.

jfal
10-17-2009, 08:22 AM
As a guy I would say go for it! If he can go off and do what he wants, you can too.
A puppy is a responsibility, but it can be yours. Kids on the other hand are more than a responsibilty, they are a lifelong obligation and the decision to have them must be mutual.

rob
10-17-2009, 09:06 AM
I try to avoid giving advice on relationships because, well, my track record of train wrecks doesn't really qualify me.

But, I'd be happy to give my opinion on the pet issue. Get a pet! There are thousands of wonderful animals at the local humane society in need of a home. Helping just one of them can be one of the most rewarding experiences a person can have. I have three cats, one from the Humane Society, one was a stray, and one a kitten of the stray. My cats give me love and enjoyment every minute of every day.

Definitely get a pet!

Rob

jcg196
10-17-2009, 09:38 AM
Awww thanks everyone for your input!!! I so appreciate it =) And Rob I am rescuing a pupppy I so believe in that as well. I rescued a puppy in high school and a cat and it is the best thing!

And u guys are right they do give u so much joy!

And Thanks sick n tired u are right I do have a voice and I shouldn't be afraid to put my foot down sometimes =)

xoxoxox,

neL

justomegirlindallas
10-17-2009, 02:36 PM
Not to sound demeaning to guys- but getting a puppy will oftentimes show you a new side of your husband... how well he would handle toddlers ;)

If your husband can do what he wants, you can do what you want. If he can't compromise with you- better you figure that out now when you dont have kids because once ya'll do have kids- compromise will be a very necessary marriage saving tool ...

BonusMom
10-17-2009, 03:30 PM
Not to sound demeaning to guys- but getting a puppy will oftentimes show you a new side of your husband... how well he would handle toddlers ;)

If your husband can do what he wants, you can do what you want. If he can't compromise with you- better you figure that out now when you dont have kids because once ya'll do have kids- compromise will be a very necessary marriage saving tool ...

Amen Anna! I strongly believe that a person will treat pets and kids similar. If the OP's hubby is selfish AND mean/impatient with a pet, I would definitely reconsider having a child with that person. And if having children is very important to you, I would strongly suggest that you examine your relationship before it's too late for you to have children.

My dad was MEAN and impatient with our dogs-just heartless. Well guess what, he's even meaner and more impatient today (but that's another story).

We all deserve unconditional love, which pets can provide, as well as companionship. They are so forgiving. Our lab mix came from a shelter and couldn't be more loved. But, having been raised on a farm and having adopted a puppy previously, you, OP, obviously know that :)

Just my two cents.

jennyjo
10-17-2009, 03:53 PM
Hey, get the pet if you are able to care for it and it makes you happy.. the kids will come soon enough. They are a handful, but well worth it. Esp the fact that you are rescuing one! That is super sweet..

jcg196
10-17-2009, 08:04 PM
Justtome, Bonusmom,

Oooo that scares me. I really worried about that. I will watch him closely.....
I have thought about not having kids with him to be honest...and I just don't know how much he would be there to help raise the babies. I don't want him to be like okay i'm ready for the fun stuff to teach him golf, bball football etc.

That was my father (and why does us women tend to marry our fathers =(
My mom said he mite have changed two diapers while we were young.....

JennyJo, Awww thanks =) yeah I'm excited I pick him up tomorrow at 10am =)

Thanks again for responding everyone!!! :yes:

xoxoox,

neL

mountaindreamer
10-19-2009, 06:44 AM
hi nel, are you getting your puppy today? How exciting. I agree with everyone else, a pet will be great company for you. And yes, you will see what type of caregiver your husband is, and maybe your questions about children will be answered. Also, it will be enlightening to see if he responds to you making a decision without his control. enjoy your precious new family member, and send us a picture.

justomegirlindallas
10-19-2009, 06:53 AM
we want pictures!!!

lucky7
10-20-2009, 04:40 PM
ANIMALS are the BEST THERAPY!!!!! I have 2 dogs and i take care of SO MANY yard "animal friends" as well!!! I feed so many animals the people at the store down the street laugh at me because im in there SO MUCH for my "ANIMAL FOOD"! I even have a bat and an owl that live in my backyard! They drink from my birdbath and they eat my cookie newtons i throw out! Its cool to watch! I saw my owl catch a bug in midair once! It was like National Geographic in my own yard! LOL The neighborhood calls me "SnowWhite"! LOL

jcg196
10-22-2009, 10:12 PM
Hey Everyone here are some pics of the puppy =D

And Lucky7 I agree they are the best therapy and he is sooo much company for me. I am glad I went ahead and got him. And the funny thing is my husband fell nlove with him. That is so sweet of you to take care of so many animals =)

xoxox and take care everyone!!!

neL

Danica01
10-22-2009, 11:24 PM
It is really hard when there are two sides to a situation and two people involved. It seems that the timing for having children isn't working out so well. Maybe it a sign or just plain bad timing on everyone's parts. So, I think you should try a puppy and that may actually help bring the thought of a baby back to the table. You may be surprised at how easy it will fit or it may show you it may be a little more difficult. It is a starting point and that is a good thing! Hang in there and please remember that compromising in relationships has to come from both partners involved. Good luck and keep us posted :grouphug:

lucky7
10-23-2009, 12:28 PM
WOO HOO for you Nel!!!!!! YOU got him!!!!! HOW DANG CUTE!!!!! Hes a LUCKY little guy!!!!!! GOOD for you AND your hubby!!!!!!:heart::9:

Samo
10-23-2009, 12:52 PM
Hi Nel,

I am happy you got your puppy and even happier that your husband loves it too! Dogs, and animals is general, are the best therapy. They are always full of love and have plenty of it to share :veryhappy:

Jeannette,
I took a moment to look at your profile because when you said you practically have national geographic in your backyard I was thrilled. Owls are one of my favorite animals, next to dogs, of course :cute: I have two dogs that are my kids since I don't have any human children.

From your pictures it looks like you enjoy every moment in your life, THAT IS WONDERFUL. You look happy and full of joy and that makes me happy. More power to you!!

Samo

lucky7
10-23-2009, 04:59 PM
AWWWWWW, THANK YOU SAMO!!!!!!! YOU MADE ME SMILE!!!!!!!
Yeah, Carl said that was one of the reasons why he wanted to marry me! He said he loved that i had such a warm heart for our furry and feathered friends! HECK, how can you not! THEY ALL ARE PRECIOUS!:cute:

Samo
10-23-2009, 07:02 PM
You're welcome!

admin
10-24-2009, 10:37 AM
I'm waiting until I'm ready to have children. I'm 43. Guys are wimps...

Run and get that puppy!

jfal
10-24-2009, 08:45 PM
Guys are wimps...


HEY!


Nice dog, glad you got him.

SandyR
10-24-2009, 10:31 PM
Nel,

Congrats on the new pupper! I love dogs! What's your baby's name? Is he a mini pincher/daschaund mix?

Sandy

PS - Admin - "guys are wimps" that is so funny! :)

mountaindreamer
10-25-2009, 08:50 AM
nel, what a precious little guy.....is he a mini pincher. My friend has one, and he quickly became her husband's best friend. So cute, and i know he will be a great companion for you......contrats on starting your little family.

mountaindreamer
10-25-2009, 08:52 AM
awe conrad, i bet you would make a great dad.....you do a super job of watching over us.

lucky7
10-27-2009, 11:47 AM
I agree PHYLLIS!!! :yes:

BonusMom
10-27-2009, 06:47 PM
Just too stinkin' cute! Congrats on your adoption!

jcg196
11-14-2009, 08:39 PM
His name is PV I wanted to name him Snickers but he likes PV better...my husband named him and he fell in love with him. He is a Chihuahua mix and I think its with min pin. Thanks u guys for all the post it makes me feel good I have a fam I can talk to about things.

Sorry it took so long to write but whew getting a puppy is a lot of work but sooo rewarding =)

Love u guys and take care

neL

magistramarla
11-14-2009, 10:24 PM
I'm waiting until I'm ready to have children. I'm 43. Guys are wimps...

Run and get that puppy!

Conrad,
That's too funny, since my hubby became a grandfather at the age of 43. He was 20 and I was 19 when our first one arrived and we raised 5 of them! It did take some bravery (or maybe insanity) to raise that brood, but we would gladly do it all over again.
BTW, now that all of the kids are gone, we treat our cats exactly like children. They are the two most spoiled kitties ever!
Marla

brandichi
11-14-2009, 10:30 PM
Congratulations - he's totally adorable!!! There is nothing like a dog, especially when you're not feeling well. I don't have kids, so my Chihuahua is my baby. Enjoy every minute of his puppyhood, it's a lot of work, but so much to smile and laugh at too.