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kim,l
10-06-2009, 05:49 AM
well i take mikaela to the hospital tommorow for her tests am dreading this visit have been worried all week what they will find am hoping it is minor but it just does not feel that way her headaches have been worse and she is dizzy all the time with everything thats going on i just donot know if i could cope with another medical crisis i already have one child with only partial sight my son josh who i am having all the trouble with has only one eye they had to remove it when he was 2. i will tell them about my lupus i hope they will listen to me and not brush it off i really want her to be tested. after asking my son to leave last week i was felling a little less stressed but i got phone call today they cut off his welfare payments and he lost his part time job as barman because he says his artificial eye fell out on to the bar while he was serving drinks and it upset the customers he can,t pay his rent or food bill to his mate who is allowing him to live there he has rang my mother up crying wanting money now she is pressuring me to let him come home as she is frightened he will hurt himself. he has gambling and drinking problems i do not know if i should believe him he is my son and i still love him but i cannot stand the abuse anymore i don,t know what to do just the thought of having him home stresses me. i just sometimes wih i could pack my bags and run away from home. or just wake up and this whole thing would just be a nightmare . and i have relatives who keep on telling me your strong you will cope but how much more of this do i cope with i 3 children with disabilities a husband with dementia and heart attack and looks like small stroke i have lupus and a bad heart i am begginning to lose my coping skills i am just so tired and sick and feel like crap how ami suppose to help everyone else. i feel so angry lately with myself for feeling this way but i just at the end of my rope i just want to be able to report some good news for change i just want to laugh and smile again. well thats my venting for today thankyou my friends for listening especially since i know ther are alot of you worse off than me. love and hugs kim l

abbasgirl
10-06-2009, 06:17 AM
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) )))))))

Kim, I'll be praying about Mikaela's hospital visit. Take a deep breath in and release it slowly...relax...maybe it will be good news sweetie. I know life is very overwhelming right now and it's easy to feel utterly frustrated and want to crumble apart...but don't go there sweetheart. That's not a good place for you to go. Hold onto hope. Hold onto our hands. Feel all these hugs we have for you. Know that God loves you all and it's all in His hands. Whatever happens, it's going to be okay.

Oh I wish she hadn't told you he called her and pressured you like that. ((((More Hugs)))) Can I send you something in PM?

SandyR
10-06-2009, 04:23 PM
Kim,
You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow, what time is the appointment? I hope all goes well with the appointment and that Mikaela gets some relief from her headaches. and I don't think you should feel bad about venting. This is a safe place for you to share your feelings and express yourself. We are here for you with love and understanding and an ear or shoulder if you need it.
(((HUGS)))
Sandy

mountaindreamer
10-06-2009, 05:57 PM
hi kim, i hope mikaela's appointment goes ok....do you also see a dr. or are you only having tests done? I hope someone can ease your fears. Sorry to hear that your son lost his wellfare support and his job. I hope something else comes around for him, then he can repay his roomate....i hope you don't have to continue under this stress....it is time for your life to have some peace.

kim,l
10-06-2009, 09:07 PM
well mikaela saw eye doctor today they are ordering tests like mri and and ct scans i had to make appointment with rhuemotoligist for her she is going with me next week as i have appointment because of symptoms she has they want to rule out lupus but said it is quite possible also looking for diseases such as myastenia gravis because of persistant headaches and her balance problems and the fact that she is experiencing dizzy spells could be a few weeks before she gets appointment needs to see neurologist she has been very fatigued lately she can sleep all night then wake up and be tired again a few hours later she has been falling asleep at school and complains about pains in her joints and in her neck always complaining of stomach upsets and having mouth ulcers she gets extremely dizzy when in sun and the light is affecting her eyes she complains of chest pain and breathing problems i just do not know what to believe the doctor says it could be something as simple as her being stressed and worried about us but she wants all the tests done because she believes her balance problems and dizziness could be something more serious i really hope its not lupus its bad enough i have to deal with this disease without her having to as well its going to be a few tense months i can,t say i am not frightened for her because i am. thankyou all for your kind words and support it is a real comfort to me right now love and hugs kim l

mountaindreamer
10-07-2009, 06:19 AM
hi kim, thank goodness Mikaela has you as her number one advocate. I too hope that she does not have lupus, but if she does, at least she will begin treatment at a young age, and hopefully, she will be able to resume a "normal" life. Hang in there, Kim, surely sunny days are around the corner.

abbasgirl
10-07-2009, 06:36 AM
I echo Phyllis... she has a wonderful Mama!!!

It's gonna get better, Kim.

Keep hanging in there!

SandyR
10-07-2009, 04:47 PM
Kim -

ditto what Phyllis said. plus - I am glad the doctors are taking her symptoms seriously and not just blowing it off or chalking it up to stress. If nothing else, your Lupus diagnosis has helped the doctors to take her symptoms more seriously and look where perhaps they might not have elsewise.

You're still in my prayers.
Sandy