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View Full Version : My man - love him, but I want to kill him!



magistramarla
10-02-2009, 11:53 AM
Hi everyone,
We're getting settled in California, but my hubby's nerves are getting on mine. He is so nervous about going back to school full-time for the first time in 27 years, and I understand, but I may kill him before he becomes a PHD!
Last weekend, we drove to Pasadena and joined our oldest, Heather, at her Cal Tech Alumni meeting. We had fun exploring Santa Monica while Heather was at her meeting, and then went out with her for sushi. On Sunday morning, we went to The Getty Villa, and this old Latin teacher was in heaven. We left LA a bit later than planned, so Jeff was very upset about getting home late, since he had to get up early for classes the next day. We even skipped lunch.
I refused to let him take the route through the mountains and made him stay on 101, so I wouldn't have to deal with those awful heights. That added some time, too. After we were getting near San Luis Obispo, I informed him that I had needed to go potty since Santa Barbara, and my stomach was telling me that it was time to eat. He stopped at a Chevron with a restroom and a Subway, so that he could take care of everything at once, including gas for the car. I refused the Subway, since I wanted a salad at a decent restaurant. Since I've been taking MTX, I've been craving salads and veggies, and I find that I need to eat on a very regular basis, or I get sick.
I kept pointing out places to stop, but he was always in the left lane and missed the exit. Finally, I complained that I was feeling sick, so he pulled over and found a Burger King! He dragged me in, and he was about to order a sandwich, when I told him that all I wanted was fries. The smell in that place was making me sicker. He got mad, and we got back in the car. A few exits later, he found a MacDonald's. He refused to go in, and went through the drive-thru. I had to settle my poor sick tummy with chicken nuggets and yogurt, and then I insisted on driving the last 100 miles, since he was about to fall asleep behind the wheel. He was such a bundle of nerves, he still didn't sleep that night.
He's been in classes all week now, and his nerves haven't gotten much better. Last night, he was up late struggling with trying to put a new program on his laptop. It was actually easier to put it on my old laptop, and then transfer it onto his. He was extremely nervous about the labs that he has today, so he didn't sleep again. I'll be glad when today is over, and he has the weekend to rest. I'll also be glad when he gets used to this new schedule.
I've seen discussions about our men on other threads. They just can't seem to understand what we're going through, even when they love us very much. Jeff can forget about eating and just keep going and going, and he just doesn't get it that my body just can't handle that. I know that he cares, but his head is just on those classes now. Hopefully, he'll get better soon.
Sorry about the vent - it's been a rough week.
Marla

mountaindreamer
10-02-2009, 12:07 PM
oh marla, what a week you have endured. I returned to college after many years out and i remember how frightened i was. However, after a very short time, i so enjoyed learning again that i forgot about being nervous. Hopefully, he will quickly fall into the new routine and his nerves will settle down. You are so right, MTX really messes with my eating habits....the tought of eating some things just makes me gag...i too like veggies and salads (and not from McDonalds). I always drive the car when traveling....for some reason this helps with my quizziness. You might want to try driving on trips and see if that helps, plus you can pull into any restaurant that you want, and hubby can sleep. Hang in there lady, i am sure things will get better....in the meantime, you might want to find lots of alone time this weekend.

magistramarla
10-02-2009, 12:22 PM
Hi Phyllis,
Ah, alone time is the last thing I want this weekend! I've spent a lot of time alone with the cats this week while he's been in classes. I want his help this weekend with hanging curtains and unpacking the last few boxes.
I used to like to drive, but now I can't so much. My knee stiffens up and hurts, and the neuropathy gets so bad that I can't feel how much pressure I'm putting on the accelerator or the brake. I just don't feel that I'm very safe behind the wheel anymore.
I'll see my new rheumy next week, so we'll see if she has any ideas to improve the way I feel.
Marla

mountaindreamer
10-02-2009, 12:35 PM
hey marla, sounds like you need to borrow Rob's punching bag. Hang in there lady, i am sure he will settle down as soon as he gets accustomed to the new routine. Are you having good weather in Califorina? I know everything is beautiful there. Is your new rheumy in the private or government sector? I hope he/she is really good and can help you feel better. I think I have just given up on that. I have accepted daily pain, and the need for several rest breaks during the day. Oh, let's keep hoping for a miracle.

SandyR
10-02-2009, 06:57 PM
Marla,

You should call my mom. You and her have a lot in common right now. She is packing for a move. My step father retired in March. They are home together all day all the time the last 6 months packing and cleaning and showing the house and he is so wrapped up in all of it that he is just jumping up and down all over her last nerve. Boy could she feel your frustration right now. I hope things are better this weekend and that you get to hang the curtains together instead of hanging him with the curtains! ;) Seriously, I know it might take a little time for him to settle his nerves but I hope that doesn't take too long.

Sandy

magistramarla
10-04-2009, 07:38 PM
Hi guys,
Thanks for the support. He managed to get some of the curtains hung, so that's a start. He's getting his computer "trained" to do his projects, so at least he's not threatening to throw it out of the window anymore. He's finished the project due tomorrow and he just finished another one that's due on Tuesday, so he's getting used to being a student again.
I made him feel pretty guilty about the way he's been acting, so he got up and made breakfast for me this morning. I spent three hours in the commissary, grocery shopping, so I dragged home really hurting. Jeff unloaded all of the groceries, and then he "cooked" dinner while I napped on the couch. Mind you - his idea of cooking is to warm up leftovers. No one could live very long on what that man calls cooking!
Sandy, I know just what your Mom is going through. When guys get to a certain age, I think that they get very comfortable in their usual routine. If anything happens to disrupt that routine, such as your step-dad's retirement and upcoming move, or my hubby's military retirement, change of jobs, and move, and they get nervous and take it out on the nearest person, such as your mom and me. Jeff is thankful for finally starting into a new routine, so I'm sure that he will settle down and be normal after a while. After they get the house sold and the move accomplished, your step-dad will probably settle into a new routine, and your mom will be able to stand him again!
Marla

SandyR
10-04-2009, 08:18 PM
Marla,

I am glad to hear that Jeff's nerves (and consequentally yours) are calming. I am going to share what you said with my mom. I think she will find comfort in that.

Thanks!
Sandy