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Silentscream
10-02-2009, 10:59 AM
Hi everyone it has been awhile since I have posted. Some of you know I am the father of a kid with Lupus and many of you reached out with such kindness while I came to terms with the illness from a Fathers point of view.

Yes, I am an Atheist and that will never change, I am ok with that.
However in my desperate seach for any kind of help I went to church to see a famous statue. Lady of Fatima was there. Sounds foolish for an Atheist to show up now that he needs a miracle. But I was thought God is forever loving and forgiving so I went with an open humble heart and I prayed like I never have before. I prayed that God would grant her the mercy of a chance at a good life and he could give me the pain. I would gladly take the illness to free her. That I was the bad one not her. Stuff people say when they are desperate. But I meant it very much.

Well fast forward one month. I went from perfect health to having RA and sudden end stage renal failure. I am dieing. In a short time I will be gone, my child will not have me to help and she is still sick. Almost makes you laugh. Thanks big guy.

magistramarla
10-02-2009, 12:12 PM
Hi Silentscream,
I'm very sorry to read about what you are going through. I'm not a very religious person either, but we can all understand that desire to take the pain away from our children.
Since I've been diagnosed with autoimmune problems, we've been noticing that family members in the generation before mine also had the symptoms, but were never diagnosed. We've also noticed AI problems of different kinds in the kids, such as asthma and possible IBS. It makes me feel sort of guilty, since it must have come from my mother's family.
Could your renal problems also be an AI symptom? It could be a clue! I believe very strongly that science is about to figure out our diseases, as well as many others. I was delighted when our president awarded the NIH with 5 billion dollars for research. I say - Hang in there! Fight this thing, and have hope that science will find the cure soon for your disease, as well as for your daughter's.
Gentle Hugs,
Marla

mountaindreamer
10-02-2009, 12:24 PM
hi silentscream, Now might be a good time for you to reconsider my offer to help your daughter. I know and respect that she is a very private young lady. But, I live only a couple of hours from her school, I have young daughters, I have extra room for visitors, and I know what she is going through....I can help with drs., etc. I am so sorry about your prognosis, you are a good man, you do so much to help others, and you love your family. I do believe that angels bring our paths together for a purpose, maybe finding someone to watch over your daughter is the reason that you found this site....you know the love that we all have, and you know that if she wants to join our "family of the sky", we will all encircle her with open arms. I also believe that your spirit/energies will be able to watch over her forever. If you want to talk more, just send a pm....my heart is with you.

rob
10-02-2009, 03:21 PM
Hello Attilio,

Although you and I do not speak on a regular basis, I think I know you well enough to tell you how I feel, about who you are. You are a man of principle, who loves not only his daughter, but also the people you have helped with the Meals on Wheels Program in Florida, and I don't think your care for people ends there. I was very surprised that you didn't win that competition, but I know that it was stacked against you. That does not, in any way diminish the good you have done.

You have been a defender of, and advocate for your daughter. I have a father who is alot like you. He would defend me to the last, and I can tell you that a father like you only comes along once in awhile.

You have been an honest, and valuable member here at WHL. Your frank, and honest way of talking has been both hard to hear, yet essential to know.

I don't know the exact details of your situation and diagnosis. But, I know that nothing is set in stone, and any diagnosis and outlook you have been given is subject to a second opinion, and IS NOT set in stone. I know an awful lot of people who have recieved a so called bad diagnosis, only to go on and live a good, and long life despite it. Don't take this as the end, it's not the end by any means. You can fight this, and you can win.

Please, don't give up.

Rob

SirLupAllot
10-03-2009, 12:04 AM
Hi Silentscream,

I am sorry to hear about the challenges you face and the difficulties your daughter has gone through with this disease. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.

I know it is difficult, but we are not suppose to question God's plan. He has a plan for you and your daughter and if you allow him, he will help you along the way. No, he doesn't guarantee a life without struggles and challenges - that is what Heaven is reserved for.... but he will never give you more than you can handle and if you trust in him he will give you his favor.

I hope that you would consider contacting a good Bible based Church and talk with the folks that they will have available to talk with you and pray for you and your daughter and help you through these times. Please give them the opportunity.

Another recommendation that I would like to make to you is to watch some of the good religion based programs on TV. Joel Osteen from Lakewood Church is a good place to start. He talks in common everyday terms and would be a great resource for you in the comfort and privacy of your home. Please check your local listings.

Now more than ever you and your daughter need to be close to God and allow him into your life. If I'm wrong then what do you have to lose? On the other hand, if someone rejects God and finds themself at the end of their life and they were wrong - what do they have to lose? Please take this into consideration. I wish only the best for you.

God Bless and Take good care.

Please feel free to private message me if you want.

abbasgirl
10-03-2009, 09:52 AM
Hi Silentscream. I have never had the privilege of "chatting" with you here before. I'm fairly new and I also tend to avoid certain subjects most of the time...one of them being religion.

I am very sorry to learn of your diagnosis. I think what Rob said is great advice. I think a second and even a third opinion is always a good idea and to also remember that doctors are often wrong. I know there are many great doctors who are "miracle workers", but there are so many idiots out there that have no right to be doctors at all.

In a short time, you may be healing from this. Like Rob says, nothing is set in stone.

My Dad passed away in '03...but it wasn't the cancer that killed him. It was the many doctors pushing different treatments way too fast on his body. He also went through more mental stress than a person in his condition should have. It all took its toll on him.

Please be careful who you choose for your medical care. Please be careful of your frame of mind during this... don't give up.

We're here for you, friend.

Tamy
10-04-2009, 04:25 AM
Hello Silentscream
I'm Tammy, and i'm very new here. I read your post on the day you wrote it, and it brought me completely to tears. I wanted to write to you, and give you some words of encouragement, but I felt it wasn't my place to do so. So instead, i've been checking your thread, and hoping you would reply with some sort of "better" news. Besides, the first time I read your thread, I was pretty much speechless. I don't really know you, so I thought, there would be nothing I could do to help you, or make you feel better...But tonight, when I re-read through it all again, I decided to write you, and tell you that I care. My heart goes out to you and your daughter, and I hope, and i'm praying, and i'm wishing, that by some small miracle, you come out of this okay. So far, you have had responses of hope, help, and encouragement. We are here for you, and ready to listen, and help in any way that we can. I myself am not very religious. I was raised a catholic, but never really practiced it. Since getting sick, I find myself reading "between the lines". I've noticed things, that I never noticed before. I know this might sound so stupid, but since falling ill, rather than finding reasons why God isn't real, I now am seeing reason to how God could actually all be possible. After all, despite our ill health, when you really look around, life is beautiful. Everything seems to fall into place. From the simplicity of day, and night, to the way the flowers bloom in spring, the tree's which give us fruit, the animals which give us milk, and eggs, even the rain that falls from the sky, that intern gives everything life. Are all these things coincidental? Before I fell ill, my parents would always hound me to go to church. I always thought God was like a Santa Clause for adults. The worlds biggest hoax, or one big fairy tale. But when I got sick, I wanted so much to believe that God exists. I figured, if i'm gonna have a crap, sick, boring life, I want one massive party waiting for me as I enter the gates of heaven. I know this all sounds crazy, but the point i'm trying to put across is this. It took me getting sick to finally "find religion". I never stopped to notice the beautiful things around me, until I got sick. It was then, and only then that I realized, how did we all get here? The world is a wonderful and beautiful place, surely it couldn't have been all accidental. I figured, to everything that is beautiful, there is a creator for. A painting doesn't just fall out of the sky, an artist has created it. Music doesn't just fire out of my stereo, a musician has written it. A building doesn't just appear, a builder has built it. Earth, the universe?...We may not know the answers yet, but I believe that their is somebody responsible. I hope that that being is everything good, and everything loving, and everything forgiving. My point is, I guess I never believed in God before, but now I do. I don't believe in God because I am sick, but because being sick made me see life at a different perspective. Believing in God has helped me deal with my illness a little easier. It gives me hope that life doesn't end when we die, life only just begins...eternal life. I'm not trying to turn you, or make you believe in something you think isn't there, I only want you to see my interpretation of God, and how a non believer can somehow see the light.

I'm sorry this post is so long, but I really wanted to share this with you. I really hope you post something soon, and let us know how you and your daughter are doing. I wish you both well, take care, and keep fighting this thing. You never know, things might actually sort them selves out. Your in my thoughts and prayers, Tammy.

rob
10-04-2009, 04:28 AM
Hey there Attilio,

Just wondering how you are doing today. Say hello if you are up to it. We'll be thinking of you.

Rob

Angel Oliver
10-04-2009, 07:51 AM
Oh Attilio,

I am so sorry to read this post,but i am glad you went and tried to pray at Lady of Fatima, even though you are an athiest,every little helps and dont you give up just yet,no matter what the doctors have told you. Ive never met you but know from your posts you are a fighter and oh what a Father you are too. I hope you take Phyllis up on her offer for your daughter,i believe people are brought together for a reason and if anyone can help its Phyllis.She helps us all here and your daughter will get the best help and advise ever.
I was so sad to hear you didnt win that first prize,we all tried so hard for you,but i am glad that lovely man had you in his life. You help people and now i hope if you keep coming back we will all try our best to help you too, if you let us.
I hope you are not in too much pain and i hope you know how we all care for you.

Thinking of you
Amanda.xxxx

mountaindreamer
10-04-2009, 09:09 AM
hi silent....just checking on you. After reading Rob's post, i agree with him....the option of health is a possibility, and i hope good health is in your future. Drs. can be wrong, and new cures are discovered every day.....hang in there, and let us know how you are doing.

Bonita
10-04-2009, 10:38 AM
I am sorry that you are sick and that your child is sick. I am a Christian and i do not want to preach to you but God loves all of us and does not want us to suffer and we all have questions from time to time wondering why things do happen the way they do. I pray that you accept Jesus as you Savior but that is your choice if you do not mind i will pray for you and your child. I cannot even imagine the pain you are going through but as humans we have to reach out to others in love and kindness I hope that things will change in your health. Do you have family close by? I know that i worry about my family not being close to God and all i can do for them is pray for them. I really do care about you. Love Bonita

Silentscream
10-04-2009, 05:32 PM
Hey guys,
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Never have there been a kinder group of people. How many forums will someone offer you into their home.
You are all HERO's to me. The stuff you all deal with and raise back up from.
I should never complain.
When I see how many have Lupus and kidney issues...

Anyway I am ok. I will do and learn from all of you, just take one day at a time and fight. It is easy I guess when all other options have been removed, lol Feeling sorry for myself is what I do sometimes but I am still lucky. My daughter is doing ok and close to graduation. I have health insurance. I am not the major bread earner. So lots to be happy for.

I wish to thank each of you personally for the replies.

mountaindreamer
10-04-2009, 05:53 PM
hi silent, you sound like maybe you have found some new strength. I hope so. The initial diagnosis is so frightening, and i hope time will bring you options. So glad that yu daughter is doing ok....when does she graduate? My daughter graduated from the same school, she got a great degree in engineering with a speciality in waste water treatment and an emphasis in chemical engineering. She went on to get her masters and is now knocking the socks off of the engineering world...i love it. You should always include yourself when you speak of the nice people here....you are one of us and you are one of the nicest men that i know.

mrstjscott
10-04-2009, 05:54 PM
Hi Silentscream. I have not read any of your prior posts, but this one I read today has really touched my heart in more than one way. I am so sorry that you got that horrible diagnosis, but I agree that you should get more than one opinion because doctors are humans and are prone to make medical and non-medical mistakes. My prayer for you and your daughter is that you both will live long, beautiful lives together. As a person who got diagnosed with SLE so late in life, and being a woman who strongly believes in God and Jesus, I wondered "why am I going through this?" I still haven't gotten the answer, but I do believe there must be a good reason. From the replies you received from our friends on this site, you sound like a man full of love and joy. You sound like a man who would give the shirt off of his back to help someone less fortunate than yourself. You sound like a devoted father to your daughter. You sound like you possess some Godly qualities in your character. I pray that the doctors were wrong in their diagnosis concerning you. I also pray that you will be just as strong for yourself as you are for your daughter. Please don't give up. If you can, be strong and whisper a prayer to God. I believe He will hear you.
I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Tamy
10-07-2009, 07:27 PM
Hello Silentscream
It's okay, and normal to feel sorry for yourself. We all do it. I feel sorry for my self sometimes too. I try not to lose sleep over it, but I wonder everyday why this is happening to me. Most of all, I wonder how different my life would be, if I didn't have all these autoimmune problems. I live life everyday, not knowing what tomorrow might bring, but right now, I just try and live as best as I can, enjoying my two little boys, and making sure I let everybody around me know how much I love them. After all, none of us know how long it is we are destined to be here for, so I try and make each day count for something.

Please continue to stay positive, and remember it is important to let out what you may be feeling. If you come here to vent, there are many wonderful people who will listen, and honestly care about you. So don't ever find your self feeling alone, because we are here anytime you need us to be.
Please take care, and be strong
Tammy.

pjreeses
10-07-2009, 09:13 PM
we all come here as strangers and leave as family. we welcome everyone with equal love and respect. no matter what religion, race, or nationality. thats what i love about WHL. although we are all different, here we all have one common thread that binds us to one another, its called lupus. we either suffer from it, watch our family members suffer it, or both. i am christian, but i have a lot more to learn about GOD. i guess to put it in the lyrics of the christian music group "casting crowns" i am "somewhere between the alter and the door." so i can't teach or preach if i don't know enough about it myself. but i hope that one day we will see each other on the other side. i hope that you continue to post and stay in touch with us. we will keep you in our prayers, in our thoughts and in our hearts.

DrinkofWtr
10-08-2009, 08:34 AM
Dear Silent Scream:

I don't really know you, but I have a hard time understanding why you are blaming God for what has befallen you? Things, in life, sometimes just happen. Another thing I have learned is that God doesn't always answer prayer the way we want him to. He has a plan. We may not understand it now but, I believe, we will understand it someday.

Bonita
10-13-2009, 06:52 AM
Amen to that . Dear silent scream i have put you and your daughter and everyone on this website on my prayer list. Love and prayers Bonita