View Full Version : sinking in stress

10-01-2009, 10:46 PM
:hissyfit:I am wondering how you deal with stress. Yes, YOU! (ha ha) I am so overwhelmed right now with being a mom to my three great kids, and also having to be a parent to my MOM. Ugh. LONG story there... but here's a synopsis of her past 5 weeks: lost her alimony payments (due to ex retiring) and has to learn to live on disability alone, totaled her truck, had to get new vehicle (at least she was covered by ins), has to move to subsidized housing, sell (or donate) half of her stuff (and she is a collector) so she can move into small 1 bed apt, fell in my driveway and broke her wrist, needed stitches, a head ct, etc, had to find a new home for one of her dogs, because new place will only allow her to have one dog....
So now she has to move by the end of the month, and I am the only family around for her, so who gets the responsibility of moving her, sorting through all her stuff... That 's just the tip of the iceberg... she is such a child! She has never taken care of herself (spoiled only child syndrome), and has always had someone doing it all for her. Walking into her home you are hit with the smell of urine, feces, rotten food, old garbage.... she won't wash her dishes (she has a dishwasher, too), she lets the dogs go everywhere in the house, and then doesn't pick up after them... her counters, floor are covered with trash...
It's a literal nightmare. And after a weekend of moving and sorting through just her GARAGE, I am in a massive flare up. So now taking care of her mess is making me sick... How do you guys deal with life's stresses??? Any tips on coping, ways to get through it and not cause a flare??? Is that even possible?? On top of that, my sweet husband has been working OT all week... I feel like a failure as a mom, daughter, wife, friend.... I hate the stupid lupus guilt. Like I wouldn't want to feel better! I am lucky to have an understanding hubby, even though he can't help me much this week.
Love to you all, thanks for letting me put this crap in words,

10-02-2009, 03:25 AM
dear bunny i know how you feel my life is 24 hour stress right now it has been like this for months so i sympathise stress will cause you to flare so you have to find someway to relieve this i have tried screaming into pillow also i have waited till the nighttime and put my earphones on and play my favourite music just to relax me. wait till your alone and have a good cry. talking to everyone on this site helps to make me feel better sometimes venting is the only way to release the tension if that doesn,t help and the stress continues you may have to consider medication as you cannot continue to feel tense as the flare will get worse you can try natural relaxant from health food store or prescription i have had to resort to valium to help me but i only consider taking it after consulting my rheumotologist on a short term basis talk to your doctor he maybe able to suggest other ways for you to control stress as i have been told by my friends on this site if i donot look after myself i will no helpto anyone. good luck lots of hugs kim l

10-02-2009, 06:11 AM
Hi Kim I,
You're right, I do need to take care of myself. I needed that reminder. Had a long soak in the tub last night after the kids went to bed.. that helped a bit. Brainstorming ways to help my mom without knocking myself out. Praying for guidance. It's gotta get better!
Thanks for listening..

10-02-2009, 06:22 AM
hi deb, oh what a nightmare you are living....I have had to clean out an elderly aunt's home, and found everything from jewelry folded in socks, to dead rats under the china cabinet...the memories still give me the creeps. If she is present while you are cleaning out her home, you might want to get her out of the house while you do this. The stress that she is feeling is bound to pour over to you, and will only increase your level. You have so much facing you, and need someone to help with this move. Maybe order a dumpster and just start throwing stuff in it...Or hire a couple of day workers who can do the heavy lifting for you. Also, try to limit the time each day that you work at her home. I tried to go all day when cleaning my aunt's house, and it sent me into a severe flare. After that, i allocated a few hours each day, took lots of breaks, and just plowed through. Don't worry, i know you are a great mom, and your kids will be fine while you get past this move. Give you husband a kiss and tell him thanks for being him, put a smile on your face, and know that this is all just time, and time will pass. Best of luck to you, i am sorry that you are having to deal with outside stresses....lupus is so stressful in itself.

10-03-2009, 07:12 PM
Thank you for the kind words, Phyllis. You are an angel!
God Bless,

10-05-2009, 04:57 PM

I am afraid I will be going through the same things with my mother when my father passes on. She is terribly spoiled by my father, and unfortunately, at the same time, she is blind. Granted they have a housekeeper and the house is clean and neat, but it will be a terrible stress to tend to all the bills, etc. She will have to move to a place where she can be cared for. It's hard enough to take care of our ownselves when we have lupus, and taking on the responsibilites of others makes it so much worse. I hope you can get through this trying time as stressfree as possible.

10-06-2009, 07:47 AM
Wow...Deb...that is enormous! You're not lifting heavy stuff are you?

Phyllis has some great suggestions. And Kim is right...you need to remember to squeeze in time for yourself. Please don't kill yourself helping her. All you can do is all you can do, and that's it. It's my new motto for now although I try to push through it sometimes thinking I can still push myself...it's still a work in progress.

I wonder if there are some teenagers looking for some work and could help out. Maybe put an ad in the paper for some young helpers who would like to earn a little money. They're everywhere around here... mowing yards, babysitting, whatever they can get.

We have a great thread around here about dealing with stress. I'll look for it and bump it up to the top.