View Full Version : extreme distress
09-27-2009, 11:46 PM
i have had 3 terrible days my son has been terribly abusive he has called my physcopath says i complain of pain for sympathy says both my husband and myself should be placed in nursing home and it is our responsibility to give him money when he wants it as i gave birth to him he has drinking gambling and anger problems and he just plain lazy he called my husband a bludger for being on pension my husband has heart problems and early onset dementia and a spinal problems he has worked from the time he was 10 years old helping to support his family right up until he got hurt in 1995 it hurt my husband deeply for my son to say this we recently found out that they believe stephen suffered a stroke and this extra pressure joshua has put on us is affecting our health after this severe bombardment of abuse over the last few days we told him to get out today we had to pay our son off give him rent and food money just to get rid of him i suffered severe mental meltdown this morning i had to take valium he started his abuse at 6am and it went on for 3hours i just snapped consquently i have now gone into bad flare the mexotrexate had just started to give me some relief now i feel like i am at square 1 again and to top things off took my 14 year old for eye test because she is sufferig eye twitches ,double vision. and headaches she now has to go to childrens hospital they think she has something wrong with her sight and will need tests and scans just something else to worry about. i bought my son up to respect people now i feel ashamed at the way he has turned out neither my husband or i smoke, gamble or drink and we have respect for everyone i just donot know where i went wrong i just want to get out of this vicious cycle i just want some peace to heal.how can i expect the medication to work if i cannot control the stress. thanks for listening everyone to my venting hugs kim.
This may sound rather harsh, but have you considered taking any legal action? You could get a restraining order against your son, so the next time he comes around he would be arrested for trespassing/violating the order. Unfortunately, there are good parents in this world, who do everything right, yet they still have a child who goes on to do bad things later in life.
The thing that really stands out here is the fact that this abuse and stress is bad for your health, as well as your husband's. I hope you can find some solutions to these problems. I hope you have a better day today.
09-28-2009, 05:53 AM
Rob is right, Kim. It sounds like it's time for tough love. Until you stop giving him money, he's going to continue his verbal attacks because it works. He knows that if he's abusive enough you will tire of it and give him money to shut him up.
It doesn't sound like your son has ever worked, yet shows disrespect because your husband is no longer able to? He should be ashamed of himself.
Be strong because otherwise your son's behavior will continue and your health can't afford the price for the stress he's caused you.
I totally agree with Rob also.
You can not keep blaming yourself for the way your son has turned out. As parents, we try our hardest to teach our children about good morals, respect, and family values. For some reason, some kids just end up out of line anyway.
If your thinking that obtaining a restraining order is not the way to go, I know that here in Australia, there is a heap of free help for parents, children, etc, who are effected by gambling and alcohol. They refer you to the right people to try and get you the help you need. They teach you how to approach and respond to people with these types of addictions.
What ever it is you decide to do, keep your health first priority, you need to keep your strength up, as looking after a 14 year old, is not easy work.
I hope you have a better today, take care.
09-28-2009, 07:17 AM
Oh Kim. (((((Hugs))))) for you and your hubby. That's so awful. I agree with others here. It's so hard on the heart but he's gotta learn he can't do that to his parents or anyone. Once the peace is established, the quiet will start to set in, and then the healing can begin for your body. And once that is established, do not let him back in unless there is a real show of sincere changes taking place, okay? I know it's easier said than done...but that's got to stop.
09-28-2009, 12:30 PM
I agree with Rob as well. SO SORRY for what you are dealing with:no: Sometimes WE HAVE to DO things that are VERY HARD when it comes to family BUT, it HAS to be ABOUT YOU and YOUR HEALTH. I unfortunately had to go to a lawyer to keep my MOTHER away from my family and i. It was HARD BUT its been BETTER for ALL OF US (especially me) since i did it. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS. Please take care of YOURSELF.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
09-29-2009, 02:59 PM
Oh Jeanette...so sorry you were forced to have had to do that. That had to have been so hard on your heart! I'm glad you did but I'm sorry you had to go through it.
Kim, I hope today is a better day for you and hubby. Thinking of you and praying.
09-29-2009, 03:08 PM
AWWWWW, THANK YOU, YES hard, BUT, necessary. You know some of our talks, it is what it is huh. :wacko: Im CLOSE to Carls mom anyways and i even call her MOM,so, it works out I CANT change my mom,only HOW i deal with her to make myself a healthier person! RIGHT!:yes: By the way, YOU ARE TOO FRIGIN FUNNY! I JUST NOW noticed your "PMS around the clock"!!!!! :laugh:
Kim, you are on my mind and i hope you are doing ok hun:flowers1: Im sending you flowers to pick up your spirits! HUGSXXXXXXXXXXXXX
09-29-2009, 04:02 PM
Sorry you are going through such a terrible time, it is like a knife in your heart when a child betrays a mother's love. I have 3 wonderful children but one of them is the exact opposite of everything I am. We blame ourselves yet no matter what, our adult children all have choices to make, and they do not always make good ones.
Your son has chosen to betray your love and attack you. I agree with everyone, you may even need legal action and protection. Abuse is abuse and you have to protect yourself. Violence and abuse against elderly or ill parents by their children is awful, but so widespread. When I worked in elderly ministries I had a Google alert set up so that anytime "elder abuse" news hit the Internet I would get it in my email.
I was SHOCKED at the daily email that poured in and often it was adult children against parents. My own friend had trouble and there was nothing I could do because she had the right to make her own decisions and she gave power over to an adult child who had a history of abusing her. She ended up falling down outside, breaking her collar bone, and laid there for hours in the sun while her adult son and his girlfriend living in her home did not even miss her. She died shortly after.
You have to make the decision to protect yourself. Don't give him money, call the police. You have your 14 year old to protect now.
09-29-2009, 04:07 PM
WELL SAID AYAH:heart:
09-29-2009, 05:57 PM
thanks everyone for your support well we made him leave told him donot contact us and leave us alone we want nothing to do with him until such time as he can respect us and treat us like human beings i finally realised that no matter how much love i gave him it would never be enough his gambling and drinking would always come first and his lying and stealing would not stop i had to make a decision he was slowly killing us my little girl was upset all the time and stephens and my health is bad and he was making it worse mikaela and her problems with her eyesight have to be our first priority now we have to take her to childrens hospital for test but there is waiting list as usual i am thinking of taking her to emergency department at childrens hospital because she seems worse she is suffering from double vision headaches blurred vision and she says she sees the words on the blackboard moving she has always had trouble recovering from illness it can take weeks for her to recover from cold she is always says her skin itches and has rashes complains of stomach problems and joint problems sun seems to affect her i am wondering do you all think i should get tested for lupus she is showing alot of signs of it and would it show up in someone so young i have differing opinions from doctors saying it would not show up until she is older is this true i donot want to leave it to late with her also she has not started menstrating yet is this a sign because i started at early age any advice would be greatful thankyou everyone hugs kim l
09-30-2009, 07:21 PM
I am sorry to hear that things haven't approved with relation to your son. I think it is a good start that you have made it clear to him how you feel and what your intentions and goals are for a future relationship. I will be thinking of you. :hug:
10-01-2009, 11:19 AM
hi kim, i just found this thread, so sorry for not responding sooner. Rob and everyone gave you great advice, and i hope you will consider a protective order and getting help through your local "family of substance abusers". You need rest, it is time to put yourself, your husband, and your daughter first....let your son make his choices and learn to live by them. My adult son was also abusive, he moved out after i got an eviction notice on him. He recently came back because of my health issues, and because he continues to struggle on his own.....however, there is no abusive language....it is understood that if it does start up again, he is gone. I struggled with this decision to let him move home, but i do not have anyone, and i really needed help to keep up my home. Time will tell if this was the right decision. I also have two daughters who are both standing on their feet, i have also wondered where i went wrong with my son.....you have 3 children, raise all of them the same, and one just doesn't get it, go figure.
10-01-2009, 11:21 AM
hi jeannette,i know this was a terribly difficult decision for you, but thank goodnes you realized your needs, and you realized your importance. Congratulations on taking a step toward your own mental health. Peace of mind....this is what we earn as we age and especially as we face life with a chronic illness. so, peace to you, my friend.
10-07-2009, 01:18 PM
THANK YOU so much my DEAR SWEET Phyllis! YOur words are SO TRUE!!! WE are stronger than we think as human beings!