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View Full Version : Venting - angry and disappointed



brandichi
09-25-2009, 09:41 AM
I just need to get this out, because in the 'real world' I'm acting like I'm just fine and I'm NOT!! :hissyfit:

Tomorrow I'm doing the Lupus Walk at Metro Beach, Detroit area. I've been really excited about it, it's my first walk ever, but didn't start fundraising until this week because I was afraid I wouldn't be healthy enough to actually do the walk. So anyway, I set up my webpage on Wednesday and e-mailed all of my colleagues. There are over 50 people in my building. Many of them are new, many are young, so either didn't know I've been dealing with this for so long, or haven't had experience with chronic illness so don't understand what this life is like. But there are plenty who have been right here all along and never even asked if they could help me.

I'm the kind of person who is fiercely independent, and hates to ask anyone for help. But with all the donations everyone's always asking for, I thought maybe I could ask for them to support me in this walk. After all, I contribute when I can for their kids' fundraisers, and the collections for other events, happy or sad, when they occur.

So anyway, I got two responses from the e-mail, that said basically, "you go, girl!" which was nice. Only ONE colleague donated!!!! Well, two, but one is also a good friend so I don't consider her just a colleague. But ONE person?!?! I've been at this school for 9 years, and although I'm not all that social and don't go out with them because I CAN'T because of health issues mostly (and okay, 'cause I don't feel like I fit in sometimes). But I am pissed, angry, disappointed, and feel like I'm so done with all this!!!!!! It's not the money, I've raised enough and I'm okay with that. It's that we call ourselves a family here, and it is clearly NOT!!!!!!! I love teaching, I love my students, but right now I can't stand the people I work with!!!!! If they had to live my life for just one day, they would be a hell of a lot different, I bet. ARghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(And the kids are back, so I'm back to being sweet Merry Sunshine again. Ugh.) :wacko:

Thanks for listening.

DrinkofWtr
09-25-2009, 09:59 AM
I taught for many years and have received a less that warm response from people I worked with in the teaching industry. I, also, know of at least three other people who teach and have taught that have experienced a "cold" response from the teaching profession also.

I, also, believe that the economy has something to do with the less than enthusiatic response you received to your solicitations for financial support. I am glad to hear though that you did get enough sponsorship though for your walk.

MsHutch
09-25-2009, 10:25 AM
Hey Cheryl, I too am sorry that you didn't receive the support you thought you would. Seems as though some people either don't want to acknowledge the fact that you have this disease, or maybe just don't care. I find it hard to believe that teachers can't afford to donate at least a little, no matter what the economy, but???

Congratulations to you for being able to do it, and I hope you have a great day tomorrow!!!

Colleen

Angel Oliver
09-25-2009, 12:00 PM
Oh my dear friend,

First of all well done for actually doing this,goodluck and you enjoy every minute of it,you are doing a wonderful thing.

Next work collegues! Im so sorry they didnt seem to be interested in such a big event for a very good cause as well. Unfortunately its at important times when you find out exactly what people are about. When i worked for a company for 13 years and again my present job,which im off sick from,i was the one who organised events,outings sometimes and nights out. If it involved alcahol you could gaurentee a big turn out. Same with Birthdays and weddings. But like you,when it involves sickness or something that doesnt involve a good knees up but actually participate in something important to us,they dont want to know. I know you feel let down and upset about this,but always remember they are only work collegues.It took me along time,well for me to take ill to realise the difference. They probably do care,but because they are not sick they will never ever know how it feels to struggle daily like you. Now you know.Dont let it get you down for too long,they are not worth it.We are all very proud of you and thats what matters.You are a lovely,kind and giving person.Maybe the next time a collection goes round for their collegues birthday.....maybe think twice,i know that must sound selfish...cause it is but you know,i also put in to all the collections at my work.When it was my birthday...nothing :) So just go to work, carry on as normal,maybe mention it in your next email nicely when you do the run saying .....you did the run and you would appreciate it if you all could possibly give $5 or anything as its going to a good cause.Then you have tried again.But you just move on.I know it hurts.

I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well and also give Brandi a big hug also.

Lots of love Amanda.xxxxxx

Samo
09-25-2009, 12:02 PM
Hi Cheryl,

First, Congratulations on raising money and doing your first walk! I believe it takes a special person to step forward and raise awareness about lupus, or any disease for that matter, particularly because you are saying "This is me and I have lupus". Wonderfully strong you are!

I am truly sorry to hear that only one person at your job donated. I am sure everyone has their reason/excuse for not donating but whatever those reasons might be, I can guarantee more would donate if they had to spend a day (or a few hours) in your shoes.

Stay strong and congrats on your effort to educate others, the money you raised and your resiliance to WALK IT!

Samo

brandichi
09-25-2009, 06:02 PM
I'm feeling better now, a million thanks to all of you for being here, for understanding, and for your support. I know that no matter what is going on at work, all of you are here and remind me that I'm not alone. That means so much.

My friend at work, the one who is more than a colleague, stirred things up. She came in my room to check on me, and saw how upset I was right away. She's an amazing friend, and what she did is respond to my e-mail, sending her reply to everyone. All she said was something like wishing me luck in the walk, and how strong I am to have gone through all I did, but it reminded everyone about the walk. After that, a few more people donated. A woman who used to be one of my closest friends at work (but ignored me when I was really sick) even donated $50 and said she's going to join me at the walk tomorrow!! Of course, I'll believe that when I see it, but I hope she does show up. I'm sure it's guilt motivating her, but even that doesn't bother me because it's helping to raise money for lupus, so it's all good. I also got lots of e-mails wishing me luck and encouraging me for tomorrow.

All told, I raised $270 in 3 days, $100 of it from work. Next year I'll start earlier, have more confidence that I can actually do the walk, and hoepfully raise lots more.

Most of the time, I handle my life well. I have learned over the last three years that many people I thought were friends are actually not, and I let it go, appreciating the people I do have in my life who care about me. It's just times like this, when I expect people to be there and they aren't that it hurts really bad. If I had never donated to their causes, I would understand it. Granted, I can't donate to every fund raiser, but I do what I can when I can. And again, I learned who really does care and who doesn't give a damn.

I'm super excited about tomorrow, and I'm going to bring my camera. If they come out okay, I'll post a couple here. :) And I am willing these sniffles to GO AWAY tonight!!!!! I will NOT get sick, not now!!!!!

Samo
09-25-2009, 08:02 PM
Funny how illness brings out who people really are.
Go get them tomorrow! Much luck to you :cute:

DrinkofWtr
09-26-2009, 03:53 PM
Kudos for you for participating in this walk and you are not a well person. Be sure to give yourself a big pat on the back.

brandichi
09-27-2009, 04:37 AM
Thanks so much to both of you! I did the walk and it was fantastic!!!! I think I'll start another thread about it though. :cute: