PDA

View Full Version : stormy weather



kim,l
09-22-2009, 10:44 PM
hi everyone woke this morning to very severe dust storm in sydney there is red dust every where having to stay in doors today people are wearing masks my daughter needed asthma pump more than usual today winds are bad planes having trouble taking off traffic apparently horrendous but on a funny note people are taking there cars to the carwash you think they would have to assume they should wait until the storm ends because as soon as they leave the dust will cover there cars at least we have excuse for our brainfog whats there,s at least it gave me a laugh. on a serious note though i have a dilemma that is affecting my health and i don,t know what to do some of you know that my 21 year old daughter suffers from post traumaic stress disorder due to the fact she was molested by my sister and her defacto when she used to stay with them on holidays from the age of 10 to 12 and had blocked itfrom her memory until a few years ago both my sister and defacto had threatened her if she told now she is suicidal and selfharms which is a worry some of you also know my sister committed suicide 2 years ago my problem is my mother ever since she died my mother has put her on some sort of pedestal and acts like she did nothing wrong just blaming the defacto but it was my sister fault to i left sarah in her care and she commited these terrible acts to. but my mother insists on talking about her in every conversation and this makes me so angry my mother thinks because she died i should forgive her and i really have tried but everytime sarah hurts herself or ring up crying in pain from memories it makes so angry i cannot forgive her either can my brother. everytime my mother rings up i get stressed which sends me into depression . i do not want to hurt my mother i love her but i cannot standby anymore and listen to her making my sister out to be some angel has anyone got any suggestions on how i tell my mother i would rather she not mention my sisters name in our conversations i know that maybe people think i should forgive her but i just cannot right now i hope you all don,t think i am a terrible person for this but my daughters heart is broken and i just cannot get past this seeing her suffering breaks my heart she just does not trust anyone anymore and is frightened all the time. and i feel terrible but i am so angry with my mother for acting this way when she knows what my sister did to my daughter i don,t know what to do i just need some peace. thankyou for listening my friends any suggestions would greatly appreciated also mexotrexate is still mking me ill with nausea and bowel problems having to take medication now for both of these problems so this extra stress is not helping. stephen my husband is getting ill again with chest pain and has weakness on one side of his body i think he has ross river fever back again it can reoccur just like the flares we get i could not wake him up yesterday it scared me i thought he was dead he is having tremors.my 22 year old son who was supposed to come and help us is constantly abusing us and saying we need to be put in nursing home where no good to anyone. i have told him he needs to leave by the 14 of october as i cannot stand the stress he drinks and gambles to much and verbally abused me the otherday just because i would not give him money for cigarettes we are on pensions and every dollar we have goes towards bills and food and he will not contribute anything he says i gave birth to him so it is my responsibility to provide for him he is lazy i am so ashamed i am frightened all this stress will kill both my husband and myself we just want some peace i didnot bring my son up to be this way he has no respect for anyone he thinks of himself i am sorry to burden you all with my problems please forgive my ranting i am feeling fed up and depressed and i know that you all probably have worse problems than me and are probably sick of hearing about mine i will finish now and give you some peace be well and pain free my friends thankyou all for being there for me please believe me when i say i am extremely greatful to have you in my life this site has been mylife line hugs lots of love kim l

SandyR
09-23-2009, 07:05 PM
hi kim,

I think that you have a right to honor your feelings and that, out of love for you and her grandmother, your mother should too. I think it's okay that there are people we love for who they are to us but we don't have to like them for what they have done to us. I also think it's not required to like or love those who are supposed to be closest to you, especially if what they have done to us or involving us is not a loving act. I admire you for sticking up to your mother and supporting your daughter, especially since it must be really hard for you given the situation.

Sandy

mountaindreamer
09-24-2009, 09:14 AM
hi kim, remember, apologies for venting are never necessary here. We are your friends, and we are always open to listen to you. First, your son....i hope you can hold him to moving out by Oct. 14....he needs to go. You owe him nothing, you raised and loved him, now his life is his responsibility. He has no right abusing you and disrespecting your home.I am so very sorry about your daughter, thankfully she has you as her mom, and she is obviously very loved. I am sure there are many reasons that your mom is putting your sister on "some sort of pedastal". She is probably grieving the loss of her daughter, and she is probably protecting your sister's memories. Whatever her reason, you have every right to ask that she not talk about your sister when you are around. Tell her that if she feels the need to talk about your sister, then you will have to leave the room because this is just too painful for you.....make yourself and your daughter your number 1 priority. I feel badly for your mom, because she is probably in extreme pain over loosing her daughter, and i know that you love your mom very much and don't want to see her in pain. However, your daughter is the true victim here, and you are devastated over what your sister did to your daughter (what a nightmare), so, you do what is best for you and your daughter. You also need time to heal the hurt, and constant reminders do not help. I hope Stephen is feeling better today.

DrinkofWtr
09-24-2009, 04:36 PM
My parents used to put my dead husband on a pedestal and believe me he was no saint. I, finally, had to be completely honest and open and tell them exactly why it made me uncomfortable to hear them talk about him all the time, especially how great he was. After I explained why I did not want to hear about him anymore, believe it or not, they shut up and stopped talking about him. Now I rarely hear them mention his name, let alone talk about him. Maybe you could try this approach.