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jcg196
09-02-2009, 02:58 PM
Hey Yall,

Sorry fam, I had to vent on here. But my friend for two years decides I guess that he doesn't understand me or my disease. Now I have told him everything and he seemed to be very understanding very cool individual.

But today when I told him that I had mono and was very tired he was just like I don't understand why u are so sick all the time. I think something else is up. He starts questioning me as if to say I had a STD or that I was dying. He didnt understand why my kidneys were weak. All this stuff and he says this has been on my mind for awhile. WTF???

I was like I thought u understod the disease and my other diseases where did this come from? My immune system is weak and I always catch viruses and bacteria everything.

Well fam I guess friends just don't understand. I think I'm getn rid of him as a friend and won't share anything else. I trusted this person with info and now im thinking not anymore......it sucks cuz I don't have many friends left and my feelings are def. hurt.

xoxoxo

neL:no:

SandyR
09-02-2009, 03:39 PM
Nel,

I am sorry to hear that you had such a hurtful experience from a friend. I know I have dealt with this too and I think most of us on here have so we can empathize with that feeling of hurt and betrayel that comes with your friends behavior. One way I have found to really help some of my friends and family to understand this better is by using The Spoon Theory. I don't know if you are familiar with it, but I am attaching the link here for you. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf
Sandy

jcg196
09-02-2009, 03:42 PM
Thanks Sandy yes I have read the Spoon Theory and I like it a lot. I should def. pass it along :yes:

mountaindreamer
09-02-2009, 03:47 PM
hi jcg196,

oh, i am so sorry that you got hurt by your friend's words. there are so many of us here who know exactly what you are talking about, because we have experienced the hurt of loosing friends.

my words to you are that dear friends are gifts of life, and it hurts so much when you feel that you have been deceived or abandoned by a friend. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this hurt.

some times people in our lives just can't deal with our illness, and they use different reasons and techniques, but these people usually choose to walk.

My fellow in life and i have been together for 15 years....10 of which i have been very sick. I used to be a trainer for body builders, and now i sit on the couch. He has been in and out of my life, and i have been hurt many times by his words.

If this friend is important to you, you might want to consider a sit-down, adult conversation explaining what your future might be, that you need a good team, and that you understand if they aren't up to the challenge. If the friend walks, i know you will hurt, but at least you will be weeding out the weak people in your life....you need really strong people who will walk beside you even if you are having to use a cane.

there, i have vented and preached enough....again, i am so sorry and i hope this all works out very soon.

pandagirl
09-02-2009, 04:00 PM
Not very nice!!! A 'true' friend would be understanding...no matter what. If you feel strongly about this person face it head on....otherwise...let them go. Sometimes in life it is a very hard thing we have to do, but if they can't be supportive...cut'm loose.

jcg196
09-02-2009, 04:01 PM
Mountaindreamer thanks so much for sharing. Maybe he was just having a bad day. I will have a sit down with him. I wish you the best of luck with your friend too.

And you are right about the team thing, he was apart of my team and if he does wanna walk as much as it will stink I will just let him. I need positivity in my life.

Thanks again! :yes:

Delphinia981
09-02-2009, 04:16 PM
Nel...that stinks. I wouldn't let things go without at least trying to hear his side of the story. I mean, even my loving husband had a hard time wrapping his mind around Lupus and all the craziness that goes along with it!! Best of luck to you...if he keeps it up, cut him lose. Life is too short for crap!!

jcg196
09-02-2009, 04:37 PM
LOL hahaha Amen to that Carrie :laugh:

alovinghusband
09-02-2009, 04:56 PM
My wifes family still treat her as if she has the plague or something they could catch she was in the hospital 45 days and i had to beg her sister to stay one day so i could go home and wash clothes ,her dad,brothers,sister,grandparents and all its like some backwoods bunch of hillbillys who are afraid of the unknown but as i told them they set the precedence so dont expect no sympathy from me cause i dont have any after the way they treated her i dont speak to any of them and i think that bugs the crap out of them that i dont need them or care what they think as i told them they dont sign my checks or pay my bills so who needs em....life is to short to be aggravated by ignorant people

Angel Oliver
09-03-2009, 05:34 AM
Oh im sorry your friend acted this way towards you.Many of us here have been through very similar.Its so painful when we realise our friends just do not understand us.I also have lost many a friend just because i am sick.I am left with 2 who i dont see very often now,maybe 3 times a year from every other week.After time,its not as painful to me now.I hope you decide what is better for you.I know i can come here when i need a friend,so always remember that also.

love n hugs Amanda.xxxxxxx

leaann
09-03-2009, 07:32 AM
I am so sorry that your friend treated you this way... That makes me upset that people can be this way....

I know from experiece that people don't know how to act about certain situations... 11 years ago when my son passed away I lost all my friends...according to most of them they didn't know how to act or what to say....(saying nothing would have been better than leaving me when I needed them most) but anyway that's the way people are....

Maybe he is just afraid of what will happen down the road...maybe he just needs a sock in the nose (Oh did I say that) lol
I agree with everyoe else have a sit down and if that don't work throw him in the trash and don't look back...

hope it works out.... everyone needs a friend, trust me it's very lonely when your only friend is your husband and your son....

gina
09-03-2009, 08:34 AM
I know its hard for people to understand what is going on with us. if you could print out what happens from one of the lupus sites, let your friend read it and maybe it will sink in what really happens to us. i did this for a couple of people who didnt understand, i feel like i have the flu everyday with different sypmtoms every day. i hope you can work things out with your friend. if not it was a lesson learn and you have all of us here for you.

Danica01
09-04-2009, 11:34 PM
Nel, I am so sorry you have had to go through this and as you read, most of us have had to deal with a situation like this at some point. Even if you no longer talk to this individual don't give up on friends. You will find a core group who love you just as you are and understand and educated themselves on you diseases. Just think of all the people who love you here!!!!!!!!!!

I have had horrible luck in the relationship department. I had someone leave me because I was sick and that devastated me and made me question everything! It was heart breaking and I had to decide which way I was going to go. So, I decided to give people the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. I met my best friend and the love of my life. I still remember how nervous I was the day I told him about my Lupus. I really thought when I walked out his door I would never hear from him again. He came over that same night with stacks of information on Lupus and just bombarded me with questions. I answered them and it cleared a lot of concerns he had up. Maybe your friend just needed to get things off of his chest. It still is not an excuse to treat you the way he did but it would make a little more sense. You know, one thing I do is once a week I ask Tim how he is doing with my Lupus. This gives him a chance to ask me any questions he may have thought of and allows him to express his worries and fears. It really opens the lines of communication up for us when it comes to my disease.

Hang in there love and remember you have so many people who understand you right here and who will always be here for you to lean on through your diseases. You are not alone! Time will heal this wound and you will find others to surround yourself with, good, decent people who understand you just the way you are :heart:

debbie-b
09-05-2009, 04:27 PM
Nel, I am sorry, that you have a friend who doesn't understand. I would tell him, if he want's some more information, you can supply him with that.
I have one friend, who asks how I am, but when I say not so good, she says, "you are never good". I got really ticked of at her and said, " if you don't want to know how I really feel, then don't ask, because I'll be damned if I act like I am fine, just to please you". I don't need friends like that. I do have a few friends, that care and those are the ones I want to be with.

Debbie

lucky7
09-10-2009, 03:26 PM
YOu find out WHO YOUR FRIENDS are through this disease. Unfortunately ive lost some, BUT, they arent friends now are they! BYE BYE to them IS WHAT I SAY!!! Their loss not ours!!!!! :laughing-at-you: