View Full Version : What would you do?
08-29-2009, 08:11 PM
My dad has been in the hospital for the last two weeks and finally after my sister in law suggested they check his kidney function oh they discovered that his kidneys have been shutting down and oh well differant doctors have been treating him for pneumonia and all kinds of heart issues imagine that if you have excess fluid surrounding your heart it will cause you problems .....they sent a alleged kidney specialist in to see him and he tells my dad that there is nothing he can do for him and i quote "oh well its time to cash in your chips" which made my dad break down and start crying now i havent been home yet i have 1 more week before i get home but just wondering what would you do?:mad3::mad3:
08-29-2009, 09:22 PM
I would immediately contact the hospital's Ombudsman and raise holy heck with them!
Not only may it be considered medical malpractice, the bedside manners of their so called medical professionals leaves a lot to be desired.
I am so very sorry that your dad is going through the medical issues that they've neglected to treat and that they've treated him with absolutely no dignity. It's no wonder that he's devastated, given their treatment of him.
I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you, not being to be with your dad for another week, but hopefully your sister will be your dad's voice until your arrival.
08-29-2009, 09:34 PM
I completely agree with BonusMom. If they fail to comply I would try to transfer him to better care if that is possible. Once all clears up, I would also be sure to write a long, detailed, letter to the state medical board. That kind of treatment is unprofessional, uncalled for, and just plain cruel. I am sorry to hear that you have to deal with such stress on an already stressful and upsetting time.
08-30-2009, 06:40 AM
AWWWWW, i am SO SORRY! Bonusmom and Sandy are right about this. Please take ANY and ALL steps YOU CAN to get YOU and YOUR FATHER to a place that you KNOW and FEEL is the BEST CARE FOR HIM and the BEST drs for him. YOU WILL FEEL it in your gut when he is TRUELY being taken care of by drs who give you that "vibe". We as people HONESTLY DONT LISTEN to our GUT INSTINCTS enough. If you FEEL soemthings wrong, then IT IS. I read a book about our "red flags". The author was a "profiler" and is retired now BUT he said he wanted people to HEAR his msg about our "guts telling us that somethings wrong". He said we (people) DONT LISTEN to those "red flags" enough in our lives. Be LOUD for the BOTH of you. The author said WE worry too much about "being wrong" and/or "stepping on others toes" and/or "looking silly" ........ AND THATS what gets us in bad positions. DO what YOU can and are capable of in THIS situation. One drs opinion to the next isnt the final and/or ONLY answer, its about finding the RIGHT one who KNOWS what they are talking about. Step on some drs toes to GET TO THAT ONE for YOUR FATHER. Afterall, THESE drs right now "careing" for him were WRONG all along until your sister in law listened to HER "red flags". Good for her!!! GOOD LUCK XXXXXXXXXXXX
08-30-2009, 07:07 AM
Oh im sorry to hear what you are all going through,your poor dad.How insensitive and unprofessional of the doctor.I would DEFINITELY start shouting from the top of your voice and get everyone in authority involved with this kind of treatment until your Dad can get the proper care he needs. Im thinking of you all and hope this situation is sorted and your Dad can feel more comfortable very soon.
Sending you all gentle hugs
This is a totally unacceptable situation. What would I do? First and foremost, I would do everything in my power to get my father the proper treatment, care, and respect that he deserves. Then, I would make it my mission to ensure that these unprofessional, uncaring, so-called Dr.'s, find themselves in the unemployment line.
08-30-2009, 08:25 AM
Sorry to hear about your dad.
One thing we all need to learn and real quick is that the health care personal will start to determine who lives and who dies. I was told this by my PCPh. just a week ago. It is a shame that it is coming down to this. Its all about money now and not health care. My rehume told me not to long ago that the good thing about the VA is that its free and I'm getting just what I'm paying for. NOTHING
08-30-2009, 08:56 AM
i am so sorry to hear that you and your family have to go through this difficult time. it sounds like he may need dialysis. if his kidneys keep shutting down then his body is not getting rid of waste properly. it can cause excess fluid buildup in other areas of the body. also have them do an MRI. there has to be an underlying cause of the kidney failure. i am saying this because i have been in a situation like this with a member of my family. a different hospital will have a different perspective on diagnosis and treatment. especially since the current doc or hospital has treated him so poorly. but how is he? is he stable enough to be moved to a different hospital without further risks or damage to his heart?
08-30-2009, 09:22 AM
i am so sorry to hear that you and your family have to go through this difficult time. it sounds like he may need dialysis. if his kidneys keep shutting down then his body is not getting rid of waste properly. it can cause excess fluid buildup in other areas of the body. also have them do an MRI. there has to be an underlying cause of the kidney failure. i am saying this because i have been in a situation like this with a member of my family. a different hospital will have a different perspective on diagnosis and treatment. especially since the current doc or hospital has treated him so poorly. but how is he? is he stable enough to be moved to a different hospital without further risks or damage to his heart? I know in my heart that my dad would never be able to handle dyalisis he wants to go home and live whatever days he has left the doctors told him that with his heart and lung conditions that he wouldnt be able to tolerate dyalisis anyway ,right now he has had 4 differant doctors order physical therapy to get him up and get him walking and my brother and sister in law have yet to see anyone they just want to take him to their home but it would be better if he could get up a little on his own,his wish is just to go home hes done with all the doctors and has made his own peace
08-30-2009, 11:21 AM
hi a lovinghusband,
i am so sorry about your dad's health...i know this is very difficult on you since you can not be there for a week.
I was also wondering about dialysis, but you answered that question.
I too can not believe that he was treated with such bluntness.....i hope that dr. gets the same treatment some day.
You ask what you can do....I know that this is a delicate issue, and i am sorry, but i am a true believer in HOSPICE. I have been with 4 different people who were in hospice care, and i can tell you that the dignity and compassion that patients receive is amazing. I sat with one friend and hospice nurses came to her home every day, and they were just amazing. Also, i know of 3 people who were actually in-house patients, and the peace and love that is present is obvious. I was so appreciative of the care and respect that they gave my grandmother....i felt like she was being treated the way that she deserved, and it made the whole process so much easier.
If a dr. determines that a patient has 6 months or less, then that patient qualifies for hospice, and can immediately receive care. I do not know if this applies to your dad....a i certainly (with all of my heart) hope that this is not the case. But, if it is, you might want to examine the hospice programs in your area. If your sister-in-law really wants your dad to come home with her, then hospice nurses might be a way for this to be an option. Hospice is free, so there is not an extra cost to the family.
please keep us posted.....you and your family will be in my prayers.
08-30-2009, 03:21 PM
Great suggestion, mountaindreamer, about hospice. I haven't had the need (thank God) to personally need their services for loved ones, but have friends that have been so pleased with the services provided to their loved ones by hospice. Our area hospice program's motto is "death with dignity." I think you hit the nail on the head and hope that alovinghusband will investigate this option on behalf of his dad.
08-30-2009, 04:00 PM
Oh my God...what a horror. You need a new hospital and a new physician. Heart and kidney problems go hand in hand very frequently but what is his actual diagnosis? Is dialysis a consideration or a transplant? How is his health otherwise? If he does need end of life care, hospice is a wonderful alternative. My mom passed away very recently, and we had hospice for my dad 9 yrs ago as well. These people are angels on earth and will give him the care and support he and the family will need.I hope you are not at that juncture yet. Be his adversary and do what needs to be done..no human deserves that type of callus remark!!Best of luck..I hope you get the care he needs.
08-31-2009, 10:14 PM
My dad is going to be moved to a rehab center tomorrow he wants to try to see if they can get him walking at all hes so weak, the doctors dont know as many of you know theyre only practicing medicine,but they say 1-3 months at the most.... hes just to bad a shape with his heart and lungs and now with his kidneys shutting down ,my brother went today to the rehab center and the lady asked him that if he was aware that our dad was at end stage renal failure and that the doctors only gave him so many months to live and my brother told her yes and are you aware that my father has worked his entire life and never had anything given to him and that if he wants to go to rehab even if it does no good hes willing to at least try.yes we will bring hospice in my wife and myself and brother and sister in law stayed with my mom during the last 3 months of her life and we had hospice nurses and it was a very peaceful passing, my mom was surrounded in her own home with my dad,her 2 sons and daughter in laws ,grandkids and friends she was never in any pain or discomfort , my dad went from being sad and crying to now he just wants us and his grandchildren to hear all his stories about growing up and things he had done here on earth he seems like he has made his peace ,we had a very open discussion and he told me that there was no way that he could take dyalisis he knew he couldnt go 3 times a week for 4-5 hours and just the complications of putting the ports in and all he told me theres no way he could do it and that he had done and seen and been everywhere he ever wanted to and that he wasnt afraid to die so even though i want to keep him here forever it wouldnt be fair to him as he realizes that his body has pretty much given up on him but it still hurts to see your mother or father in this condition i just cherish the fact that his mind is clear as a bell and whatever time we have left together im going to enjoy
09-01-2009, 07:05 AM
what an incredible family you have....the gift that you all gave to your mom during her passing was the best gift that a mom could receive. And now, your dad will have the time to tell all of his stories, and you all can share a few laughs....you all are very special.
when do you get home? i know your dad will be happy to see you....
how is your wife feeling?
09-01-2009, 07:47 AM
What a loving and supportive family you have! I am so glad that your dad has made HIS decision and is at peace with it. I absolutely respect his choice to forgo dialysis and to spend his remaining time with loved ones and sharing his wonderful memories.
As to the twit that told him it was time to cash in his chips, I would still file a grievance with the hospital/facility as it was a very callous remark to make.
09-01-2009, 08:41 AM
I am just catching up on this thread. You do have a wonderful supportive family. I am glad that your father has made the decision that he feels comfortable with. I honestly would probably choose the same option at his age.
09-01-2009, 04:06 PM
AWWWW, what a BEAUTIFUL FAMILY you HAVE!!! Thats worth SO MUCH! YOu and YOUR FATHER are on my mind and in my HEART, please take it easy through this, I know its a very HARD time for you ALL right now. Sending you HUGSXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX