View Full Version : Intimacy and Lupus???

08-10-2009, 04:29 PM
Okay, so this is completely embarrassing but I'm going to ask it anyways. I have found within the last year that whenever I do something intimate with my boyfriend, the after effects are really bad. My muscles feel like fireworks are going off, and I have no energy what so ever. I have to lay down for at least 10 minutes because I am so unbalanced and so weak. I don't know what I can do to make this stop, is this also a symptom that all of you suffer from? It is so draining!

Angel Oliver
08-10-2009, 04:43 PM
No its a natrual thing and yes...me too..i lie down n say wake me when its over :) Im so tired too n hurt so bad.I think if you mention it to your rheumi they can help you..with creams n stuff .....and pain meds or advice.So please mention this to your doctor they are very understanding and i bet we've all asked these questions too.Maybe a hot bath before hand,gels n oils a massage all helps.You just lie there....i do..im like a living dead person i swear.I know i joke but i do so fully understand,its not nice at all.Hang in there,others will post about this my friend.

Love n hugs

08-10-2009, 04:51 PM
Im there with you! Also something I will bring up when I go in again. Dont be embarrassed. Sometimes I just dont want to do it....or most times, because the after affects are aweful. My poor husband. Just tooo tired.

08-11-2009, 09:47 PM
AWWWW I so feel u. I just roll over and my my husband hit me from the back or sometimes I just lay there it's too exhusating. And then he wants me to do things we did when we first met or try new positions. U are not the only one who goes thru it. Sometimes I put it off until he gets upset with me. I know its not cool on his end but it just takes sooo much out of me. Thanks for sharing Steph!

08-12-2009, 08:37 AM
You guys don't know how comforting it is to know that I'm not alone in this. I feel for all of you, and wish it wasn't happening to any of us but to know that there are other people out there that feel the same way I do, makes this whole process a little easier - to know I have people I can go to that will always understand. It's tough, family and friends don't understand what we go through so its a blessing that all of you do.

08-12-2009, 11:58 AM
True Steph...it makes a big difference having friends that know exactly what you're going through because they are too.

Amanda girl, you crack me up...wake me up when it's over? lol.

I'm always exhausted too so my poor hubby often suffers but he has learned to handle it better. We've been battling that problem for ...oh gosh, I've gone blank...I can't remember how long now. lol. Well, it's been a long time.

When the doc had me try Cymbalta for pain treatment, my libido went to zero! That was six months of a special kind of awful. And it didn't even help with the pain.

08-12-2009, 02:06 PM
Welllll, I am a 43yr old male that is married to a 47yr old woman that I have to explain to her that I can only get the energy together once a week! Sometimes it is every other week! Shhhhh...you tell anyone I will deny it to my grave...aw crap it is posted already!!!!! LOL

I have discontinued meds in the past and told my Rheumy (female) that the reason is that I never thought that I could see a negative libido until taking the med.

08-12-2009, 07:55 PM
Hey Everyone,
I know what you're all talking about, too. I still WANT to, but the minute my head hits the pillow, I want to go to sleep. Lots of KY Jelly and a lot of patience on his part will usually persuade me.
I know what you mean about some positions being a thing of the past. My knees are so painful that some of the things that we used to enjoy are impossible now.
I'm very lucky to have a gentle, patient husband for the past 33 years.

tiggerlishus - Heidi
08-15-2009, 02:58 PM
ok soo alot of people that have add are in relationships, i'm not and when getting in to a new one its ever so hard to explain yer all sounds great but can we pace are selves over the next few weeks!!!! :-) they don't normally last more than a few months before disappearing off the face of the planet! ( so next time you see shooting star just remember it might be a boyfriend fleeing!!) :-) lol
any who its just great we can have threads like this for when i do have relationship thanks x

08-15-2009, 03:12 PM
Oh yes I know the feeling. I'm so tired and usually in a pool of sweat into the first ten minutes (and although its a good thing not as much anymore) my man has stamina :tongue2: so I have to be active and creative to cut down the time :laugh: Sometimes I am able to give him what he wants with other alternatives to actual intercourse, so it's a juggle. :smilecolros: Don't distress we are all in the same boat and we'll get through it together.

08-15-2009, 03:39 PM
To all the physical problems all of you have, I can also add MENOPAUSE. When all my problems started, my husband had to be put on bloodpressure pills, now his libido is as far down as mine is,( he would kill me if he knew that I told you). Thank God, his blood pressure is good now, but he can't stop taking those pills. So when we are on the same page, once in a while, it feels like we are dating again.


08-15-2009, 07:56 PM
At 52, I kept thinking that the dryness was from menopause, too, but it actually stems from Sjrogren's. I still see "my friend" right on time, every 28 days. I'm at the point where I wish it would end. I've probably prolonged it because of the 13 years that I was pregnant, nursing or both and didn't have regular cycles.

Isn't it a giggle that most gals are looking for a guy with that "stamina" and you and I are both just trying to hurry him up! They remember how pleased we were with the marathons before, and think that they are still pleasing us now. I hate to break it to him that I just want to stretch my poor, aching body and get some sleep before I wake up in pain at 2 a.m.

Our guys, we gotta love em!!


08-16-2009, 04:09 PM
Then again, there is much to be said for those lovely sleep-inducing endorphins that are released by certain activities!
From someone who slept very, very well last night,

08-16-2009, 08:29 PM
I havent quite experienced that unless I was very active that day, lol.
to be honest I dont think there is anything we can do about fatigue and sex, drink an energy drink before, lol. I dont know, just think about how good it feels and that takes my mind off the tiredness i guess, because I dont even pay it any attention, he's usually tired afterwards, lol.