PDA

View Full Version : I've cried my diamonds today



debbie-b
08-08-2009, 03:54 PM
Through the years of pain, pretty much constant pain, I have been brave and tough, rarely ever cry and thank God, I am not depressed. But today I was sitting in my car at work to take my 30 minute break. I was smoking a cigarrette ( I know, shame on me), listening to music and thinking," pain, pain go away", all of a sudden the Rob Thomas song " HER DIAMONDS" came on and I just lost it. I cried and cried and couldn't stop. When I went back after my break was over, everybody asked what was wrong, I just said " allergies".
Now my car floor is full of diamonds. I guess, we all have our breaking point. Today was mine, even the tough ones crack some day.

Debbie

Angel Oliver
08-08-2009, 04:28 PM
Dearest Debbie,

Im sad you cried and filled your car floor with diamonds,but you know what...sometimes crying diamonds is a good thing,getting your emotions out as you kept em all in for so long.Im sorry you are in such pain,but i hope one day you ease,you feel less pain.Until then,come here we will support n help you through this tough time.That song is sad,but so true.Hope you feel a little better now,i really do hope you ease.

love n gentle hugs
Amanda.xxxxxxxx

rob
08-08-2009, 05:28 PM
If you haven't seen the video yet, go to www.robthomasmusic.com (http://www.robthomasmusic.com) and click on the videos button at the top then choose "Her Diamonds". The song is about his wife Marisol, but the woman in the vid is the actress Alicia Silverstone. She wakes up and is just totally covered in ice, and sits up. As the video goes along, the ice gradually melts, and she stands up, ready for another struggle, another day. A great song, and great vid too.

Rob

red246
08-08-2009, 06:22 PM
Debbie,

Honey, I understand about being brave & tough through it. I was frustrated at not having a diagnosis for what seemed like an eternity, even though compared to some it wasn't. I only got diagnosed in May, but it was jsut such a relief! It was like okay, I can handle this, I know what it is & I can deal w/it. One night I was lying in bed w/hubby and I just lost it. All the times of hurting, not being able to breathe, not being able to go outside & do things, no energy, etc.... I told him I'm just so tired of being sick. I'm done with it! I thougth I was doing okay with it up till that point. I guess that was my "acceptance". I do feel since then a little bit lighter. I know we all try and be brave, but sometimes we just have to let it out even thoug we may feel that we're doing okay emotionally. And, yeah, songs usually do it for me too! :yes: (((HUGS)))

Saysusie
08-08-2009, 06:46 PM
Debbie-b
At times, we all need to just sit and let our diamonds flow. I cried out many of my diamonds this past couple of weeks and, while it does nothing to ease our pain, it is cathartic because we need to let all of our emotions out.
We deal with so many emotions having to live with this disease and the way that it completely affects our lives.
Each tear that we shed is like a diamond because it has so many facets...more than most people can comprehend or understand. There is, most certainly, much understanding here.

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie

debbie-b
08-08-2009, 07:09 PM
Thank you guys,

For all your hugs and lovely thoughts.
@ Amanda
You are right, we can't always be strong and just letting go may help.
@ Rob
I have watched the video, my favorite part of the song is" she'll be alright, just not tonight".
@ Lauren
That is my problem too, I am sick of being sick and sick of being in pain.
@ Saysusie
You are right, tears do not erase the pain, but somehow, you feel better inside.

Thank you for being my understanding friends.

Debbie

Saysusie
08-09-2009, 03:47 PM
We are here for you!!

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie

dsunshine
08-10-2009, 10:20 AM
Debbie
Glad you had your moment...sometimes we need that water to wash away the bad and cleanse. Just like we need the rain to wash out everything and clean the air. I have had many days like what you experienced and it is okay to let it go and out! Thank you for sharing this song and your favorite line...I have to look it up and I will put it on my ipod...love songs like this! I also love the song:IF TODAY WAS YOUR LAST DAY - BY NICKELBACK.
some of the words:
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

My favorite line:
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight

Sending you hugs/love!!!

Danica01
08-12-2009, 06:06 PM
This really hit home for me today. I have been holding in sobs all day and over the last few days. You all know I am very positive and so happy but something is different these past two days. It could be the stress of knowing our home will be auctioned off this November, I lost my health insurance or the fact Tim and I don't have jobs. It could even be the result of this stomach virus we both seem to have right now. Maybe it is just that being sick makes me sleepy some days :veryhappy:

The good thing is that I am not alone and I know right now someone else, one of you, are feeling lost and alone, even if you are in a room full of people. It is lonely but a little less lonely.

I was thinking last night, there has to be a dose of so called "different kind of luck" we are all dealt and how we receive it through our lives is indiviualized........do you think there is only so much of this "different kind of luck" we each will get????? If so, I think I am at the end of mine........I have to be!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I find peace in all of your words and thoughts on everything and thank you for always turning my frown upside down :grouphug:

Angel Oliver
08-12-2009, 06:14 PM
Danica so beautifully written.I think you are right...think positive cause i tell ya..we are all in for some really good times ahead.Im sending you all gentle hugs and i so identify with this post.My heart goes out to you all.Love
Amanda.xxxx

Danica01
08-12-2009, 06:29 PM
I love you too Amanda :heart:

abbasgirl
08-13-2009, 12:00 PM
Danica...as a Christian gal, it's my firm belief that we are never allowed to go through more than we can take...but at times we do get stretched a little more. Sometimes I get angry at God because it seems like some things go beyond horrible and more than one can bear. I don't understand why some things happen. But that topic could go into a theological direction and I don't mean for that to happen... i have grown a huge dislike to that. I just have my personal relationship with God, it grows, He can take it when I'm mad at Him, and it's a comfort that whenever I'm crying so is He and the bible says that He puts them in a bottle. He's aware of every thing that has ever made me cry...and it's healing to me to know that God cares so much, even when I'm crying over things that don't really call for tears really. That He cares about all of it, the big and small stuff...that means a lot to me.

It seems when all my patience, strength and endurance is at the lowest, something always turns around either enough to pick me up off the floor and get the wind back in me or solves a huge or small problem... but something always happens...so that I can keep on going. I may get stuck in bed crying and miserable for a few days to a week and when looking at how everything is and how I feel, sometimes I can't see how i could possibly go on, but somehow I can. I don't know how but I'm always grateful.

Having friends that know how this pain feels helps a great deal, but at the same time you feel so sad that you have friends suffering like this too. Having family that's there for you but don't really know how you feel, they can only imagine... I'm glad they don't know but it would be nice if they could understand better sometimes. I've lost a home before and ...that's so hard to get past. It's painful. But I can't explain how, I finally got peace about it and where I'm living now is the most peace I think I've had in my whole life. It shouldn't be but somehow it is. I lost the only real father in my life and that nearly drained the life out of me. But somehow...I can live and laugh and be happy again. Even though every time I think about him, I can feel every bit of that hole it left in me. And the list goes on...we all have our roads we travel.

I've come to the conclusion, for myself, that I can't allow myself to even wonder if I'm at the end of what I can take anymore because that's been too painful...the shocks that come after I think that way, are even worse than seeing it coming, for me. I don't know if that makes any sense, but for me it's easier to just take it as it comes, wonder what lessons I'll be taking from the current experience, and remember that there's always something worse than what I'm going through. And I've gotten very good at distracting myself even during the worst of times. It makes a very big difference to talk to someone who's been there or is there and shows that life goes on and often even better than it was before. It's always a comfort to see the proof of the saying of that which does not kill us makes us stronger. There are times I beg God that I really don't want to get stronger at the moment, that I'm too tired for it...but I believe He sees what I can't see and is the better judge. It's been hard to learn to trust Him, but for me, I've learned it's all I've really got that's concrete, solid, forever present. He knows what something will do to me or rather for me. I still get mad at Him time to time, and at times I fight Him, but somehow I always end up thanking Him.

I'm not thankful to lose my father and I miss him immensely...he was very precious to me. But I've got peace about where he is, and that God lets him know I think about him, and that the cancer didn't win that fight, because he's still present and the cancer is gone and can never come back.

It all may make me walk with a limp, but I'm still able to get to where I need to be. Life is still good.

Sorry to ramble on...I've been pondering the subject too. Just wanted to share some thoughts and let you know how heavy my heart is for you, that I'm praying for you and all of you here, praying for cures, and I truly believe it's all going to get better with time even though sometimes it may not seem like it. Crying is cathartic as Saysusie said... oh all these posts on this thread are so interesting, insightful, and helpful. It's so great that we can share like we do here... it's so comfortable here that a person can open up. One of the many things I'm grateful for. (((((Hugs)))))everyone.

mountaindreamer
08-20-2009, 05:02 PM
hi everyone,

i do not know how, but i completely missed this beautiful thread. First, Debbie...thank you so very much for the wonderful analogy....tears are a symptom of sadness, but diamonds indicate how incredibly complex that sadness is.

but, thank you for starting the thread....and to everyone else, thank you for your beautiful words ....each and every post demonstrated the depth of the wisdom within our members.

Crabcakes
08-29-2009, 08:34 PM
Lots of well written good advice here! I only cry once in a while, when I feel So fatigued I can barely hold a book or use the computer. Thanks to the Plaquenil, my pain is mostly gone, but the fatigue remains, and some days I am just exhausted.

lucky7
08-30-2009, 07:03 AM
We are only HUMAN, we ALL need to cry sometimes. I too have "my moments". Its just about picking ourselves back up afterwards that matters. :cute: Cry when you feel the NEED, it HELPS to release those feelings, DONT push them deep down cuz thats when it can HURT you WORSE later on. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX