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leaann
07-24-2009, 08:53 AM
:sucks:Yesterday came and went it all seemed normal, for what normal can be for me anymore.... Same old same old, Kids acting up. Mom being an a$$...didn't think nothing was out of the norm.

Woke up this morning about 4am couldn't move hands and feet swelled up more than normal...Face was so swellen, stumbling just to get out of bed. Can bearly walk...

I watched everything I did yesterday as I do every day but somewhere along the lines I must have ate something that does not like me. I was in screaming pain this morning and knew this pain was from something I had ate. Didn't want anyone to know it, kept it silent, because I knew if hubby knew it he would have stayed home from work. Can't afford that.

I have been over everything I ate yesterday and can not think of anything thing that would have caused it... Unless It is happening again. Starting with another food I can not eat...

Right now I have a severe ear ache, as I am losing my hearing, My head is killing me, pain medication is not working. My eyes are so dryed out. I have developed some crazy big red spot on my nose that makes me look like a clown. My skin is dry and flakey and I have turned pale white, which is better than the yellow I usually am... I am craving ice...due to my iron levels and the iron medication I am on does not work (even with 8 tablets a day) my blood platelet level is very low. I can' think and keep forgetting what I am doing. My tounge is itching like crazy dr says will pass(she says from raynauds) I hate Raynauds. Have had it for years... I can't get my dibates to work out correctly, keep testing still about 225... dr says she would be happy with getting down to 180 or so...

I wish I could stay in the bed but that only makes me feel worse... I am tired and don't know what to do this anymore. I know that eventually I am going to wind up going to the hospital but I keep putting it off thinking that it will all pass and I will go back to normal but I see now that this flare up is not going to pass...

Sill I sit here waiting for my test to come back that was done over a month ago by the ortho. dr ... who was suspose to pass all his information over to the ruemy dr. but still nothing done there... I feel like I am crazy. I feel I will never get any answers.

I am tired of keeping a journal of what is wrong with me and tired of taking medication that is not working and I am tired of eating what taste like cardboard... I am tired, I am tired, I am tired :hissyfit:

Ok someone stick a fork in me cause I am done... I am done with all of this.... and yet I will still be facing it again tomorrow for another fight just to stay alive and to do what hurt all over again...
:cry2: :soapbox1:


sorry just had to let it all out.

debbie-b
07-24-2009, 09:18 AM
I am very sorry, that you feel this bad. It is frustrating, not to get any answers. Whenever I have a little fit and vent, I feel better. Sometimes it helps, just to write it all down. Hopefully, it helped you some. Remember, we are here for you, so come and vent, whenever you need.

Debbie

dassar RN
07-24-2009, 10:37 AM
I am sorry you are not feeling well today. Venting helps and you have us to vent to. I hope things get better. Take it one day at a time.

Dassar RN

dsunshine
07-24-2009, 12:41 PM
Leaann
Sorry to hear all this and I feel ya on all that you are feeling and going through. Yes you are right to feel frustrated, angry, tired and OVER IT ALL...I Know I am EVERYTIME I have to fill my prescriptions. I want off of the meds...want to be well and normal. Flare ups/feet & Hands swelling, itching, swelling, sweating, hot and cold flashes...ALL SUCK to say the least and dealing and living around what lifes brings can be more than you or any of us want to deal with...BUT if I may say it VENT AWAY...Say what you mean and mean what you say a million times! Let is all out and scream if you have to. I do hope you get better and well and this flare up passes sooner rather than later!
I have you in my prayers!

magistramarla
07-24-2009, 01:01 PM
Leaann,
I'm sorry to hear how much you are hurting today. Vent away - we've all been there and we all understand how you feel.
Keep after those docs for some answers and hang in there,
Marle

SandyR
07-24-2009, 01:41 PM
Sorry to hear today is so bad. I have that issue with the foods - you can eat something and then, WHAM no more of that food. Stinks! For me, I think that is worse when I am flarey. Many more food restrictions at that time. When I am flarey, it's such a vicious cycle like you are in, high sugar out of control, low tolerance for foods I can normal eat, swollen, pained, exhausted, cranky, want to just break down and cry. I know it's not what you want to do, but maybe you should just go to the hospital now and start your healing all that much sooner then if you wait to go later. You shouldn't have to live like this, none of us should, and I wish there was something to say or do to help you out of this cruddy feeling. Marla's right, you should call that Ortho and let them know you mean business with your test results. If you decide not to go to the doctor, you might want to consider some OTC sleep aide like Tylenol PM. Sleep will help you if you can get 6 or 8 hours of good sleep. Feel free to PM if you need to vent more.

kitkatcandybar
07-24-2009, 06:39 PM
So sorry for your incredibly bad day. We can all relate. Lupus is an awful disease and can really pound you into the ground. I, too, suffer from the horrible skin problems, achey arthritis, nodules from arthritis, allergies, pleurisy, and depression. I hope your day gets better. I pray tomorrow is MUCH better for you.

Pearl
07-24-2009, 08:27 PM
So sorry you are suffering today. Keep fighting. You must. We are here, fighting with you. This truly is a beast, and you may have IT, but IT does not have you. OK to vent, scream, kick, cry, be angry...that means you are still in the fight. Never give up. Never give in. You are smarter than the beast. Give your body, mind and spirit the rest you need to live to fight another day.

I am sending you hugs and praying you have a better day tomorrow.

Jana

leaann
07-25-2009, 08:53 AM
Thanks everyone,

today is not much better, but dealing with it better... I am going to the doctor next week don't know what good it will do as the last time I went the dr wanted to run some test and since I have lost all my insurance I couldn't afford the test... I am afraid that will happen again...

The doctor is great and works out most of what she can but there are some blood tests that she keeps wanting to do that I just can not afford to do...:hissyfit: I am still waiting for news for the disability office...They have all there information now so I don't know what is taking them so long... I guess that is just the government for you...

Spent all night coughing and keeping very one up... took pain killers, something to help me sleep and even some cough medicine nothing seems to work... the swelling in my hands and feets has become worse... I laid on the cough for 3 hours this morning not being able to move (just manage to get up)... I feel like a zombie...

I know this is just one of those times when I flare up but it's getting to be a regular thing... the last time it was this bad was in feb. I was in the bed a whole month.. Allen(hubby) didn't know what to do then he thought I got down sick and was never getting back up... It took 4 doctors then to get me back to some kind of normal....

thanks everyone for listening and understanding...

stephlovespeter_xo
07-27-2009, 08:09 PM
Dear leaann,

I feel your pain. The minute I began to read your post, I could relate 100%. The mornings are pretty awful for me too. I didn't realize how awful it really is until I read your post. I know, each morning, that I am going to wake up in horrible pain, unable to move major joints. Somehow though, you wake up and get up and try not to get yourself down about it because there is nothing you can really do. Until you have an awful day, and everything comes down on you all at once.

I really hope things get cleared up for you soon, and that you find the answers you are looking for. If I have learned anything, we have to do our best to find the answers we are looking for because from what I have experienced, I have had to do everything for myself. Do everything you can, it's your health, and it's your life...
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here. I understand what you are going through.

dgallardo1221
07-30-2009, 11:11 PM
I am so sorry you feel so bad. I too have the same problems as far as waking up and feeling lousy. Almost Every morning I wake up and start my day with two norco. Only then, that last for a little while...hang in there tho. Things will be OK.