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AyahsClan
07-19-2009, 10:40 PM
Greetings and love to all my lupie friends, and the new members I haven't gotten to know. Please accept my apologies for being such a flake. You were all here for me when I needed a friend, but I sure haven't been here for you.

Recently every time I start reading I just feel so broken inside, so terribly sad for all our suffering. It has been unbearable, but that is as we used to say in the 70ies, a cop out.

Wish I could be half as nice a friend to you all as you have been to me. I log in, read threads, hurt and maybe play a game but the words just get stuck inside.

Sorry,

Ayah

Jerzi
07-20-2009, 12:56 AM
I think that's a reasonable reaction to some of the things talked about on here. It can get pretty real, especially when you're not feeling to well yourself and reading about someone whos going through a particularly bad flare, or has a new medical issue. I've found myself in a similar place a few times. People have responded to my posts, and when I go to read theres it just kills me to know that other people are going through this hellish disease.

You obviously feel great empathy for the other people out there going through this. And I'm sure we've all had our moments where we're reading about someones current situation and just can't find the proper words, or even want to accept that someone could be going through it.

I don't think you should feel bad for not having the words to say. I'm sure the others on here understand, and know that you do support them (even if you are silent). =]

Jerzi
<3

debbie-b
07-20-2009, 04:25 AM
Some days I feel just like you, it is very hard to find the right words sometimes. Sometimes I read and it brings me to tears, but I don't know what to say. So I don't say anything and then I feel bad.

Debbie

mountaindreamer
07-20-2009, 09:59 AM
hello to my dear friend ayah,

you have obviously forgotten one of the few rules that we have here at WHL....apologies are not necessary....we all understand and accept.

I know that i have a tendency to "run off at the mouth" (or fingers here), but i actually find times where i read posts, i hurt so much for the person, but my only words are negative so i don't respond.....when we get hit with the full force of lupus, it is impossible to find positive words.

Now, how are you doing? i really really miss you, so please keep checking in. Also, your avatar is so angelic....it always brings peace to my world.

Danica01
07-20-2009, 10:45 AM
Don't apologize love. We all go through things like this and need to take a step back in our lives. It is comforting knowing that you do pop in and read and this still brings you close to us. Do not apologize and we will take you when we can get you. Just take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Remember, we are here if you need us and we can be very good listeners. I am sending you peaceful thoughts and gentle hugs today. Hopefully we will hear from you very soon :hug:

lucky7
07-20-2009, 02:10 PM
Oh my goodness, we are so good a FEELING guilty as women arent we? I too go through this so you need not worry, WE all understand, and thats whats nice about our group. Others who DONT go through what we are going through have a hard time understanding, which is understandable. Please just worry about taking care of yourself Ayah, WE all are here for you!!!:cute:

Saysusie
07-20-2009, 09:42 PM
AyahsClan;
As you can see, even your inability to put your feelings into words is understood here. There is never any need to apologize to us. Many of us have felt exactly the same as you. Also, when you do choose to post, you have always been kind, empathetic, compassionate and so willing to give. So, many of us here have had the benefit of your gracious heart and your sweet nature. We are happy to see you whenever you can participate and we know that you care..even when you can't.

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie

Angel Oliver
07-21-2009, 02:56 PM
Oh Ayah,

Sending you lots of love n hugs my dear friend.You always helped me,now you just rest,read n play games.We know you are there....and you know we care about you no matter what.

lots of love n hugs
Amanda.xxxxxxx

BonusMom
07-21-2009, 07:10 PM
Dearest Ayah,

There is no need for apologies. Sometimes it takes so much energy to come up with just the right words, especially when we're experiencing physical and mental pain.

I, too, have been absent of late. I was feeling poorly, drama with my lovely bonusdaughter's mom and just not up to socializing. I didn't want to be a wet blanket, so I chose to stay away until I had a better perspective.

We're all different in how we cope with our challenges. Sometimes we need a virtual hug and other times we just want to roll up into a ball. Although your presence is missed when you're away, it makes no difference that you've chosen to have some time to yourself--we'll always embrace you when you're ready to return to the cocoon.

Delphinia981
07-21-2009, 08:16 PM
I agree, Ayah. Most days I read...I post when I can, but it IS too real sometimes...or I can't find the words to bring comfort and healing. I just say a silent prayer and know that my words find God's ears.

We're here for you and love you whether you post or not...you're one of us, and that isn't going to change, no matter what. ;)

AyahsClan
07-25-2009, 10:25 PM
OMG you guys. You mean so much to me. After I read your posts all I can do is cry. I don't know what's wrong with me. Overwhelming sadness. Gentle feelings of joy knowing you are here. Seething anger at lupus. Utter loneliness. Despair, weariness, frustration, it's all pressing in on me.

All of you are my lifeline.

Angel Oliver
07-26-2009, 07:03 AM
And you are ours my dear friend.Im sending gentle hugs to you right now.

Love
Amanda.xxxxxxx

mountaindreamer
07-27-2009, 05:08 AM
hi ayah,

how are you feeling these days? I have been off line for about a week, and i often thought about you and your struggles.



just know we are here when you need a cyber hug.

wrightrs
07-27-2009, 02:21 PM
Ayah, You have helped me so much !!! I understand how you feel. I haven't been here much lately either. I've been having so many problems lately. I get tired of complaining all the time !!! So I go to blipfm and play music. I've been trying to come back. But I'm so overwhelmed right now. I'm feeling like everyboby will get tired of me complaining !!!

abbasgirl
07-27-2009, 03:07 PM
Becky, you don't complain sweetie...no one ever gets tired of hearing from you ever. Not ever. (((Hugs)))

Ayah...(((((hugs)))) and here's a soft kleenex dear. I know how you feel too but just as others have said, don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for at all. We understand and love you.

lucky7
07-29-2009, 01:54 PM
HELLO AYAH!!! I have been MIA for a bit now as well. Bad flares as well, which in turn makes us even that much more emotional. SEE, im on that rollercoaster right next to you dear friend,you are NEVER alone. I hope you are doing ok:wub:

DrinkofWtr
07-29-2009, 02:49 PM
Ayahs,

I feel the same way. So many people have helped me, but when I read of the terrible sufferings of our fellow lupies, all I can say is that I feel for them or I am sorry for their suffering. It just doesn't seem like that is enough. But sometimes I am so overwhelmed I don't have words to express my support.