View Full Version : Help!
07-19-2009, 02:36 PM
It's me again! I have been under tremedous stress. My 20 year old son has been not acting like himself for a while now. We have tried to get him help, but he refused, and at his age, my husband and I can't make him! This whole week has been a nightmare - he just up and left for 6 weeks to Florida.
He came back just this Monday......and EVERY SINGLE DAY IT HAS BEEN UNBELIEVABLE! He threatened to kill himself, punched concete walls, went to his great-grandmothers, got a knife and "pretended" to put it in his stomach. Call us and said he cut his wrist and was dying- of course me and my husband went looking for him and found him at a park, when he saw his father he smirked and then shot the finger at him. He told me he didn't cared if I died! The best part is that he just laughs at it all. Or denies he did these things. There is so much more ...I can't even believe it! Actually what I just typed isn't a quarter of what he's been doing! My heart is broken! I haven't been getting any sleep for the past week...at all! My husband works nights...and my son know when to start. I had locked him out of the house because I am scared of him....he has threatened me - this is not my son. Today- we had his grandparents, uncle and us.....'cuz he was sleeping in the garage....the family starting talking to him asking what is wrong? And he just went out of control.......my husband said to call the cops ....and as even though it broke my heart....I did.....and we had him 302 - they keep him and evaluate him.....this is no room in the local hospitals.....and waiting for a call to know where he'll be. I'm in PA...lehigh valley.......they said they might put him in philly or brooklyn,ny....
Just waiting for a call...I only did this because I love him...and I want my son back. He got blood tested ......and it's positive for mariguana.....but I was told that isn't the reason for this behavior. Last February...we did get to him to a dr. and was diagonsed as bipolar....he got medicine.......but he did not take it ....he skipped so many ... I found it in his drawers when he left for Florida...and he refused to go back to the dr.'s. The day that he went to his great-grandmother's (remember lack of sleep here) which was Friday, as I was walking to find him...I started getting a black spot in my eye....like losing eye sight....I take it from just all the stress....today, my back....bottom on both sides....I don't know if it's my kidney's but having alot of pain....is there anything that my body will tell me if my kidney's are acting up before I get to a doctor?! I have discoid lupus, SLE lupus, fibro, P.A.D....(2 stents in illiac artery) high cholestrol, no trace of Vitamin D..(which I just remember I have to get them filled...but not today)....hereniated disk is neck, 6 bulging disk in back and neck, chronic pain........and THIS SITUATION WITH MY SON! I feel as though I'm having a nervous breakdown....I know this may sound stupid..but I can't run to the doctor's right now.....I have to see what and where they are putting my son....my heart is totally ripped out!
My medications are plaquenil, fioricet, percocet, vytorin, folbic, plavix, klonopin, fish oil, and (got to get) Vitamin D script then. I cannot take predisone...said my cardio- rhumey, and vascular. All my medications above are prescribed by 1 doctor...my rheumatologist except my plavix from my vascular dr. So, my doctor's know exactly what I'm on.......Please help....anything right now.....I am at lost of words to describe my pain....and my hurt....and my main concern is my son! Please pray for him!!! Thank you to all who read this!
07-19-2009, 04:42 PM
This must be so awful for you, Melissa..I can only imagine what you are going through.
My advice comes from an objective point a view, times I can be too direct. I know he is your son, but for now let them tend to his needs, evaluate him. Right now he is in a place where he is protected from himself and everyone is safe from him...as he seems so unpredictable.
You have to put yourself first...you and I have talked about being selfish. This isn't about eating the last morsel, this is your life....and if you continue at this pace...what life? So, call up you doctor, advise them about your back pain...losing eye sight. We can not diagnose you, prescribed anything here...so please call and make an appointment first thing tomorrow..or even go the ER tonight.
If you are not around, God forbid how will you be able to help your son...
Priorities, please rearrange...and out yourself at the top of the list. I know your heart hurts, but you have to do this, for yourself, for your son...please see a doctor.
I'll be logged on and will be here on and off....if you what to chat more.
07-19-2009, 11:52 PM
I agree with Oluwa......you have to put yourself first at this point and that is how you can take care of your son. He is safe and you need to rest. You can not help him if you are not here.
I will tell you a story that may give you some insight. My best friend was killed in a car accident when she was 15. Her mom and my mom have been best friends since high school so we really grew up together. She had a younger son that dealt with everything over the years and is emotionally healthy right now. She has an older son that became addicted to drugs over the last 8 years. At first they would take him in no matter what. When he needed drugs he became so angry and violent. He threatened them and would call his grandma and beg for money for drugs. He was arrested over and over and they kept bailing him out, giving him a place to live and finding him a job. Again and again he would relapse and the vicious cycle started again. It was literally killing both of his parents and causing them so much distress. I imagine it was a lot like the distress you are in right now. Well, the last time was the last time and they never let him come back, never gave him money and let him fall when he needed to. The knew in their hearts he would end up in jail or dead and they were prepared for that. Well, he was arrested and they did not bail him out. They let the judge sentence him to seven years in prison without any involvement. This was the tough love he needed. He has detoxed in prison and is going to school through the prison program. He has apologized to everyone he hurt and they are working towards repairing their relationship. They had to let him go and fall in order for him to pick himself up. They saw that they were enabling them by always taking care of him. It was hard to shut the door on their son they loved so much but they had to to save themselves and him.
I think you should take a step back and see if he needs you to remove yourself from the situation for a bit. He needs to pick himself up and learn that he needs to take care of himself and not take has family down. When this finally happens, he will come back to you and thank you and see what he was really doing to you. You just have to give him this opportunity and give him a large dose of tough love. You have to give in to faith and have faith that he will stand up after he falls. Please, rest as much as you can. The rest of your family needs you around and would be lost without you. I know you love your son but letting him go for a bit IS showing you love him. Take care of yourself. I am sending you lots of peaceful thoughts and hugs. Remember, we are here for you no matter what you decide to do. We support you and will help you get through this. Keep talking to us and telling us how you feel, it will help. Keep us posted on everything and remember you ARE a wonderful mother who loves her son :hug:
07-20-2009, 05:24 AM
It's Monday still early...how are you Melissa? I do hope you make the call to your doctors today...for you.
I could only imagine your plight and I am so glad Danica wrote..having much more understanding of this then I do.
07-20-2009, 06:36 AM
I have just read all this and want to tell you, how sorry I am, that you have to go through this. I agree, you have to take care of yourself, in order to take care of your son. I wish you all the best, for you and your son.
07-20-2009, 10:19 AM
I'm sorry you're going through all of this, I don't have children but I can't only image your heart ache. I hope your son can get help soon,you and your son are in my prayers. In regards to your kidneys I don't think there is anything to worry about. If you've recently been to the doctor and nothing came back in your urine,then u are fine. The pain is from all the stress and emotional stress you've been dealing with. I get that pain in the exact area sometimes, when I'm really really really stressed. Try and relax, because you make youself sick when u get so worked up. Hang in there, things will get better
07-20-2009, 10:30 AM
There is no openings for my dr. today. And I am not going to the ER 'cuz it sorry "they sux" .... been there yesterday for my son ....ALL DAY! I feel sorry for all these people in these rooms suffering. I am just done. I know that sounds so selfish...but I'm really at an all time low...I can't sleep but I just lay around....I really am done....
Thank you all for replying to my post!
07-20-2009, 10:43 AM
Melissa...I hope you made an appointment for the next available, least there will be help on the way...
The only way to get yourself out of this low is to go the doctors to receive help with your pain, your stress, your anxiety, your black spots before your eyes..your insomnia....
And have you considered going to a therapist to discuss the enormous stress you try to endure...maybe they can help you find ways to cope, manage with the stress. Times when we are under such enormous stress, fear our children, been through as much physical illness and injuries...we may need to speak to a professional to help us find light...to lighten the load..
Be well I hope and pray.
07-20-2009, 12:04 PM
I am so sorry that your son has been putting through so much can understand as I have a 20 year old daughter out of control at this point my self and I also have an 18 year who has lost his mind and thinks he is a vampire.. (ok thats another story).
My brother was dignosed with a metal condition and from learning from him I can understand that if he not taking his medication, he starts with the suscide and drama once he took a shot gun and pointed it at my mom. It took us years to get him to where he is at... It has been a process in the working for over 10 years now... It's not an easy task when someone has a metal condition...
Even with all the issues in my life I have learned that I have to stop and take take of my self first and then deal with the drama, which is hard... 2 years ago when my daughter met this boy they decided to run off together whe was not even out of high school yet... but the night she left I told her if you don't come back by midnight tonight I throwing all your stuff away... she never showed that night and at midnight my husband and I cleaned her room out... we didn't throw it away but we made it look like we did, and about 2 weeks later she showed up wanted her stuff and when she went to her bedroom and saw I had removed everything.... the look was priceless...
Some people ask me how I could have done that, It wasn't easy and I did it for her own good... I had to let her go... I am having to let her live her life... it is not an easy road but its the only road I can travel right now...
Take time to see about your self.. if the family knows that he is causing a problem let them help you... remember if you go down you want be able to help him...
will be thinking of you many huggs..
07-20-2009, 01:15 PM
Please don't give up right now! It seems so dark and bleak at this point but for every night of dark....there is a morning of light. We just have to get you through the dark part first. Hold on and try to get through this. Make sure you get in to see the doctor as soon as you can. That is where you will finally get a bit of relief. Oluwa is right, therapist are there to get s through the toughest times. Maybe you should find one that works with families and can see all of you together. It never hurts to try love. Please keep your head up and just remember that you are not alone and we are all here for you and checking the post all the time to see what news you have for us. We will get you through this.....I promise. I am sending you more peaceful thoughts and giant hugs :hug:
07-20-2009, 02:39 PM
Aww, im so sorry you are going through this. Motherhood can HURT at times cant it? :no: Im with Oluwa, she summed it up quite nicely. Please take care of yourself through this all even though its HARD to do and i have you in my heart and im sending you gentle hugs XXXXXX:hug:
07-20-2009, 06:09 PM
Like Danica, I am speaking to you without the experience of being a mother. That said, I totally agree with everything she and Oluwa said. I have an aunt (actually I have 8) but one of them was in your situation. She had health issues and a son who was diagnosed as bipolar who also decided to stop taking his meds. She, like you, loves her son entirely and would move heaven and earth to help him lead a healthier happier life. Her son also stopped taking his meds, left his mom, acted violently towards friends, family and strangers, threatened suicide several times. The law was involved in his life as a direct result of his abandonment of meds more then one time. He was lucky that we have law enforcement in the family the time his brother found the makings of a pipe bomb in the closet and our uncle (God bless his soul) was able to get my cousin to peacefully resolve the situation with his calm and peaceful ways. That situation did not difuse my cousin's anger. He found other outlets to deal with his demons. He moved out of state with a girl no one liked (she was into drugs) and stole from his brother who had put him up. He still fought with those around him. He was bitter and cynacle and angry at everything and everyone all the time. Finally, he got mad at a neighborhood child one day (who was 12 or so and really liked to push my cousin's buttons) and my cousin threatened the child physically. The mother pressed charges. My cousin ended up in jail. There was nothing more my aunt could do but to love him. Enabling him was no longer an option for her or him. I can happily say that this story ended well. He is now in a completely different place then he was 3 years ago. He finished his GED. He went back on meds. He was forced to see a therapist. He's become an active participant in his life again and taken accountability for his past and present actions. He's refound God and has a new outlet for his energy in his writings and poetry. He will be released this year and will have to stay in the state he was jailed on probation for a long while. He has restored relationships with his mother, stepfather, brothers and sisters and I honestly believe that jail was the best thing for him. I hope this story gives you a little encouragement of the good that can come from a situation. I know that you have love and support surrounding you right now. If you ever want to talk with another mom who is dealing with your situation, PM me your info and I know that my aunt will call you. She is the kind of person who you can pour your heart out to or call for sage advise. She also found support through groups like this and from the love of our family. I will be praying for you and your son. If he ends up in Philly, that's not too far from you, and Brookyln is only 2 hours away, but if he ends up there and you end up chatting with my aunt, maybe we can go visit him on occasion for you.
07-20-2009, 06:23 PM
Sending you prayers for strength and healing.
07-20-2009, 10:27 PM
I sent you a private message. I truly hope that I've been of some help. But, please, please, let me know if I can do anything further for you or if you need anything at all from me!
Peace and Blessings
07-24-2009, 05:13 AM
I just want to thank everyone who has took their time to read my post and a big thank you to one's that responded. It feels good to know that people you don't even know are there for you! As far as the update, my son is not home yet. Last night I got a whopping 2 hrs of sleep and this morning I have a stiff neck. But the day before I actually got 6 hrs of sleep that is so needed. So, I thank God for that!!! Other than that, my son has been put on depacote 1000mg before bed. (to help deal with his anger). He will definately be out by Monday, he has an appt. closer to home Tuesday morning with a mental health faciltiy. He can call home anytime, but he doesn't. He calls other people (I found out) but just don't know who. He has been on speakerphone with the counsler...and I feel in my gut he just knows the right things to say to the staff. So I have my doubts, my husband tells me to think positive. I want to believe this help and continued help will allow my son to get better, but in the pit of my stomach(for his tone of voice) when I do talk to him which is very rare....I can sense he's not better. I hope I am wrong. All I know is that we did everything that we could emotionally, finacially to help him. I can't or do no more.. it's up to him to chose the right path. I really just want to thank all of you. I hope everyone has a great day and is feeling good!
Much love and hugs,
07-24-2009, 06:13 AM
Firstly im sorry i was not here to reply to this thread.I want you to know we are all here for you always.Im glad your son is getting the help he needs.Im happy you got a bit of sleep too.Im so glad everyone here gathered round you and supported you.Keep strong.Know we all care.You have done your best and the right things.sending you gentle hugs n lots of love.
P.s Where he is the Doctors will know if he is not well enough to leave yet,no matter how convincing he thinks he is..if your hear 'it'in his voice...they should pick up on it too.
I just read about the problems you are having with your son. I'm very sorry this is happening to your family. My brother-in-law has a sister who was diagnosed as bipolar a few years ago. I went to high school with her and she is the nicest girl you would ever want to meet, and incredibly smart-when she is taking her medication. Just before Christmas last year she disappeared. We have both retired and active members of law enforcement in my family, and we were able to locate her through her debit card and security tapes from gas stations she stopped at for fuel. She was finally tracked down almost 1500 miles from home, and the local Sheriff was able to get her to come to the station and call home. She didn't even remember driving non-stop from Maine to Texas only stopping for gas with no food, and no sleep. She's home now, back on her meds, and doing OK, but we all keep very close tabs on her now for her own safety. She is a different person when she does not take her meds.
You absolutely did the right thing by getting law enforcement involved. I cannot imagine what it would be like to call the police on your own son, it had to be heartbreaking. But, he was at a point where he was a danger to you, your family, and himself, especially when he started carrying carrying a weapon. By calling the police, it's quite possible that you saved you son's life. Not only was he suicidal, but he might have used the knife against someone else. I don't have to tell you what might have happened if he had brandished a knife on a police officer. As a parent, your first priority is to protect your child, even if it's from themselves. And that's exactly what you did. You did the right thing.
People who are Bipolar can be successfully treated, and live productive and fulfilling lives. I know things are awful right now, but don't give up. I know the stress is absolutely terrible right now, but your son can get help, and he can get better. I can just imagine what this is doing to your health right now, but have hope, and hang in there.