View Full Version : feeling very low
06-01-2009, 06:58 PM
well eveyone not having goodday feeling very depressed went to pick up letters from doctors to get my transfer to another house for medical purposes and was little shocked when they both wrote that not only was my lupus my major problem but the fact that i was obese was a factor as if i didnot know this but to see it in black and white it made me feel so down on myself feeling bloated from the prednisone,i have always struggled with weight because of my thyroid i hate people judging me thinking i eat to much when i do not i watch my so diet try to exercise when not in pain i have been crying most of the night i feel so bad since seeing that letter and embarrassed. well i think the depression has well and truly come again . i am having to use walking frame right now due to severe flare and this makes me very self concious as it is . sometimes i think doctors forget there sensitivity training . my husband is very supportive and tells me how beautiful i am to him i know i am so lucky to have him in my life. some one asked the other day how much older i was from my husband they believed him to be much younger than me and actually he is 15 years older than me i am 44 and he is 59 this didnot help my confidence feel like i am sinking into deep dark hole and cannot climb out even crying while writing this letter i know this part of have lupus the depression and i know you all go through it do you have any suggestions on how to pull myself out of this one any help would be greatfully appreciated hate feeling this way was never one for self pity i am very annoyed with myself for not having strenghth to fight this but am very tired right now. kim l
06-01-2009, 08:48 PM
so sorry you were faced with this letter. Is it possible that the dr. was just trying to make sure that you got permission to transfer apartments? If so, it was still insensitive, but maybe he was just ignorant and did not think of consequences. So sorry, i know how hard it is to keep depression from controling our days, and it does not help when something like this happens.
when in so much pain, it is hard to gather the strength to fight for yourself, and depression gets even worse....it is a vicious circle, and so very hard to get out of.
I try to accept the fact that i am on the ride, and that the ride will be over one day, and then i will be back in control....so try to ride it out.
Tell your husband thank you for us....it warms my heart to hear of a loved one who stands so strong. He loves you and that is all that matters.
06-01-2009, 08:57 PM
Head hugs...squeeze. Obese is just a word.. a medical term the doctors are using to assist you in getting you transferred to another house. It does not define you so don't give it another thought.
Why worry what other people think...the one that is important, is the one who says you are beautiful..your husband.
Other peoples' words, are just that words...it is how we look at ourselves..what we tell ourselves in our head that really change how we feel...why believe them? You know the truth, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone...hold you head high and not down with embarrassment.
Be good to yourself mentally, tell yourselves nice things as you would to another...okay...
Sleep tight Kim and we will talk tomorrow in the next light...
Remember..say only good things...
Love and tight hugs,
06-01-2009, 10:25 PM
Aw, your hubby is so sweet!
What I do when I'm depressed is surround myself in happy things and people... people that love me, like my hubby and kids. Do something like a romantic candle lit dinner with hubby...with mood music maybe?
Sweetie, don't let those words tear you down. ((((hugs)))) And cut yourself a break...don't feel annoyed at yourself. What you read is hurtful and life is hard. We're allowed to feel depressed. Just don't stay that way, okay?
06-02-2009, 04:09 AM
Oluwa is right, Kim. "Obese" is just a word...and I know for me that it is difficult to lose weight. I doubled in size after my daughter was born, and it just never came off. I tried to exercise, but was in too much pain or was sweating too much to do anything but make myself miserable. Fact of the matter, I'm happy with the way that I am now. Thrilled, not exactly...but I'm content. I know that I am this way for a reason...and, while I'm doing things to change my body, I'm doing so slowly, and on my own time. I am under enough stress...as I'm sure you are, too.
I still have my days...mainly one on my birthday after I went to a wedding that evening that was pack-full of size 2 sorority girls in their tight little dresses. Here I am, a size 22, trying not to look like a parade float. I actually went to the bathroom and cried at one point...wishing for myself, my husband, and my daughter that I DID look like them...that I could wear those dresses, dance like they did, and have their energy. But shortly after, I realized that...while I didn't have a perfect body...I had more. I have a loving family, exceptional friends, a great husband, a glorious daughter, a wit as sharp as a razor, and the Blessings of My Lord.
I am more than the numbers on a scale. So are you. I can fully understand your depression...and you should feel all of it to make sure it gets out of your system. Just remind yourself that you are a person...a wife, a daughter, a blessing to this Earth. You are not a "weight." You are special. You are Kim...and nobody's weight defines them. Not even the famously overweight or the famously skinny. You are MORE. Know that you are loved. Make today a good day. Force it, if you have to. That's how I get through things like this!
06-02-2009, 04:59 AM
Oh im sad to read you are so sad.Please remember,your Doctor is trying to help you yes he was insensative.....but the more he writes the better chance you get at moving home for the better.My Doctor did the same.I swear after i read it...its a wonder i wasnt sectioned under the mental act after what he wrote :) They are only words on a letter.As for others and their comments....you have to try and learn to ignore them.You are so many meds which make you bloat.When i was on steriods i looked like a man lol.I remember walking to the ladies toilets and the shocked looks i got...i had very short hair.Hurt me but i was laughing as i peed.....humour makes like a bit more bearable.So many people out there who make a living on puttin others down...and its because they're jealous and have a crap life.So think of the funny side always.Im sat here in the garden today writing to you.Last night i took a new pill.....my legs are twice the size and my elbows look funny and my face...well it looks like a have one of those cmedy chins on....! Nothing i can do about it.If anyone said anything to me.....id just say its the medication.I used to say its the medication im on even when i was'nt on any...i love chocolate you see lol.We will always be here to help you.But you have to learn to ignore what 'other' people say...some people out there love to see a person put down.Fire a comment back at them...works both ways.But your Doctor wouldnt have meant it in a bad way....he's actually trying to help you get a new home....doctors wernt born with sensative blood...some are quite weird.My old Doctor prefered dead people and told me to come back next week....see the worlds full of em.
You try and sit in the garden today or just get some fresh air.Being inside makes your worries seem worse when you are cooped up.Thats why im in the garden.
Sending you lots of love n hugs my friend
06-02-2009, 05:57 AM
Checking in on you...how's life today down under?
With the medication we take...and the way our physical bodies are in so much pain we are prone to gain weight.
Whether we were a size 4, jumping into a 10 or a size 10 growing into a size 20...we know the feeling. Women, we struggle so hard with our weight regardless of our size. We put so much faith in what other people think of us, we lose our spirit, our self worth becomes a number.
I am a recovered bulimic/anorexic...I get it, I understand it. At a time I was a 3...then during the last years with it usually I follied between a 4 and 6. I felt I was a failure at a size 6, I couldn't even starve myself anymore. Now I am a 10. Though it is an average number, average size nevertheless the mental effects can and are the same. See, it is what we think inside our heads and not the size at all.
Sometimes those who are a size 2 are struggling just as hard emotionally as one who wears a 22.
So, change starts within our thoughts...tell yourself something good right now...okay say another. And tell yourself those two things when you go into the tear me down thoughts...
Do something wonderful for yourself today...personally...whether it is applying a winter color of nail polish...it is coming into winter in Australia now, eh?
Have you seen your doctor to adjust your medication to help you out of this recent flare...It is imprtant even while in a flare to keep moving...do you like to swim. I know it is hard when we are self consceintious about our weight to get into a pool...but do check it out. Classes at a nearby indoor community pool. Swimming is the best thing for my joints...my pain. It strengthens my muscles to hold my joints while supporting them while I exercise in the pool...thus making me stronger to deal with the effects of Lupus.
Even just stretching does the body wonders...it oxgenates it. Stretch now while sitting here reading this...I will wait...Hands over your head Reach, reach to the sky...further, further...relax...one more time. Now breath in deep and slowly through your nose...hold release slowly through your nose and again. Feel the surge of energy..it will also feed the mind...do it often...
While in bed stretch your whole body....arms to the headboard and feet stretch to the foot boars....while in the shower...reach for the ceiling and bend slighly and reach for the tub basin.
Now go take on the day, Kim...hugs with love.
06-02-2009, 07:01 AM
Water off a duck's back, honey. Do what you can, when you can. Take care of yourself and forget about the rest of it. I read a funny thing an older woman said the other day...she was a farmer's wife, lived in the country. Someone asked her for life advice, and she came up with the funniest list ever. One thing she said that made me crack up was this one:
"What other people think about you is none of your business."
Isn't that hilarious? :) But she is so right. Forget about what anyone else thinks. Those are their thoughts. Care about yours and yours alone. When you do, you will be so much happier, which will be great for you and for your family, who loves you and cares for you unconditionally. When you find your own inner peace, the rest of your life struggles will work themselves out.
You are on your own special journey. Honor it. Learn from it. Do your best by it. Sometimes, when we can only see the heartache and heartbreak, we miss all the beauty that surrounds us everyday. Don't miss another moment.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
06-02-2009, 07:33 PM
i really appreciate everyones letters thankyou it has made me feel much better you are all right my doctor was trying to help me . and it does not matter what other people think i will try to ignore them and not let it get to me i am going to look for a hydrotherapy pool so i can exercise. i am very lucky to have a supportive and loving family and such wonderful supportive friends like you thankyou for being there for me, love and hugs kiml
06-02-2009, 10:05 PM
They used to do that to me all the time. All my life I was a hyperactive outdoor athletic person. After my first child something went wrong. I started gaining weight, could not work out and went to doctor after doctor. They all said the same thing "you need to lose weight" as if THAT were my problem.
They finally diagnosed Hashimoto's Thyroiditus and said "take this little pink pill and you will be fine." Well I never was fine. From then on weight control has been an issue because my body doesn't work right. Don't beat yourself up because your body doesn't work right. They can call it what they want, the thyroid problem came first and our little pink pill is not a miracle drug. Steroids only complicate it further.
Your husband does sound like a real sweety. He loves you for who you are which is all that really matters. Sorry to hear you are flaring so bad. We all understand and our here with you in spirit. Wrap your walker with some pretty silk ribbons and glitter lol...You'll be stylin'!
Let me tell you a story about my weight gain. It happened within a 4 month period when I was 25. I had never been overweight a day of my life. My clothes were too small so I went shopping. I went into a store and was looking at my favorite India type imports. The sales lady came over to help me. When I was going through some dresses she actually had the nerve to say to me; "you should stick to darker colors and we don't have anything in your size anyway." I was shocked to say the least.
Like the saying goes; just a little more of us to love! Large women with an inner smile are way more beautiful and alluring than a skinny bitch lol
06-03-2009, 09:32 AM
I have had the opposite happen to me. I was at a company Christmas party and I was asked if I was the mother of my boyfriend. He is ten years younger than me. It was depressing to hear, but I tried to let it go in one ear and out the other. I have been asked if I am his mother more than once. Luckily, I have a pretty good self concept, and I don't let what people say affect me that much, especially strangers. Add to the mix, that I am obese and he has the perfect physique and is not overweight.
Keep your chin up and be proud of who you are. I am sure you have wonderful and unique qualities.