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ritzbit
05-26-2009, 12:52 PM
I've been sooo stressed lately. I keep trying to do stuff like exercise and stuff like that so I'll feel better but seriously nothing is working. Im having so many problems with stuff at home and at school with exams coming up. Then on top of that my friends and my ex are driving me insane and I feel like Im going to explode. Like I have been feeling better the past week or so now my stomach is in knots and Im so tired I can concentrate on anything and my hands and feet keep swelling up and they hurt. It sucks. I dont know how to just chill. I really need to stop stressing out so much. I feel like its making me sick. ugh :hissyfit:

Angel Oliver
05-26-2009, 01:51 PM
Stress = sickness!!

When you feel like this you needto to rest and do relaxation techniques...keep the mind calm.Chat to us to find answers to help you.Yes not so easy to do i know....i have a stress phd :)
You are going to have to find a way to distance the ex and friend, you dont need that crap.As for school,do they know you have Lupus?If not you must tell them.Maybe give them a leaflet on the subject so they Fully understand how sick you can feel.Exams i know always make us worry.But you know what, just read up when you can.You will be amased at what your brain actually will remember on the day.Its the run up to it, the tension,the unknown.I bet you will do great.Just do what you can when you can.Also i know your Mum was sick recently,so its all taking its toll on you.
Have you got a friend who you are close too....maybe just go for a walk and a picnic...or just the slow walk will do you good.Or ask them round and stay in playing music and watching the tv.Company is good.I dont have friends close by so i come here.....talk to you...so you help me.
All the members here will come up with fab ways for you to handle all this.So you just hang in there and wait for the solutions and help to be posted for you.

Lots of love
Amanda.xxxx

ritzbit
05-26-2009, 02:10 PM
Thanks for the advice. I have like one friend who will listen to me bitch and moan all the time and everyone else just doesnt want to hear it. Im driving myself crazy with everything becuz I cant get any B's on my report card or my dad plans on grounding me all summer. I have one B right now and I wont be able to bring it up unless I get 100 on my exam. And the exam is a presentation in front of my class. And Im terrified of talking in front of people. So now Im just worrying about that but the fact that my whole summer depends on me actually doing good. My dad tells me like everytime I see him not to stress so much and he's the one putting so much stress on me with school and Im really doing the best I can =/

And with my ex, we kind of got into it last night and I was pretty much yelling at him. And then today my best friend, which is his cousin, told me he's seeing someone else. Which I believe isnt true. So I dont know why everyone is trying to drive me insane when they see that I feel like crap everyday.

:grumpy:

Angel Oliver
05-26-2009, 03:42 PM
Sometimes friends...people have nothing better in their own lives,so like to interfere...dont know why,but some people just do it.They feel crap so they want others to feel like them.If he's your ex....he's your ex for a reason.Its not easy when you break up,i know ive been their.It does take time to heal.If alls you do when you see him is argue.....keep your distance.Sounds like he's not doing you any good at all.You sound far too nice for him.One day....i know now you wont believe me...but someone will love you for you with all their heart.....and yes....no arguments,ok maybe somebut more love than you ever imagined.When i was your age someone told me this too.I thought,oh shurrup it'll never happen n at the time i loved this one guy.You know what.....it did happen!!
Your Dad!! Sometimes parents say things and act strict thinking they are helping you.Can you 'talk' to your Dad? I hope so,becaue i think you need to explain to him how much pressure he is causing you! You need to tell him you are doing your BEST already.Also remind him of your illness.You never know....maybe he doesnt realise what he is doing to you and how stressed out you feel.You certainly should'nt be grounded for not getting what HE thinks is good enough.YOur best is good enough no matter what the outcome.If he doesnt listen....go and tell a teacher.About all this you have told us.They will be sympathetic and help you through this.
I understand the fear of standing up in class....oh i too hated it and when i had to read....ii stuttered then everything went blurred and i felt sick.So the feelings you have are normal.Just remember...THEY will also feel the same,but you dont realise this.They are only people! Imagine all of us stood at your side.Just as you are about to speak....i will put my hand on your shoulder....remember that.....we will all send out those positive confident vibes to get you through it.I bet you'll knock em dead...well not literally lol.But please tel your teacher.They may be able to boost your confidence.I think you are a lovely person and very strong after what you have been through lately.You will know what to do with your Dad,your ex,your school...i know you will...cause you are so strong even though you feel so rubbish at times.You amaze me every day.I think you are fab and im so glad to have you for my friend.Whatever grades you get we all will be very proud of you...remember that!!!
Hope things get better.Let me know.
lots of love n hugs
Amanda.xxxxxxxxx

Oluwa
05-26-2009, 06:09 PM
Ritzbit...Amanda has given you wonderful advice...and too maybe take a break from friends and the ex till school is out...regroup...pamper yourself, relax, find a calm. Music, bath, yoga... and then study like you are reading a book and not cramming.

Practice your presentation in front of the mirror, know it inside and out so it just flows....and while delivering it in class look at one person on each side of the room, like you are just talking to one person and not a room...focus only the one or two faces...

Do your best, be your best..and don't forget to breathe...deep breaths and slowly exhale when you feel the fear of being in front of people. You can do this, say to yourself..yes, you can, I can..I will...

Relax...chill.

Hugs.
Love,
Oluwa

AyahsClan
05-26-2009, 08:11 PM
HI Ritzy Girl!

You sure are bearing a heavy load my goodness! You got one hairy monkey on your back. (better than a hairy back though)

All we can do is our best for today. We really can't foresee or control tomorrow. So we are left with today, this moment. If we have things to accomplish, we do our best but at the end of the day we can only be true to ourselves.

On public speaking, it is hard. I've done it a few times, once to a crowd of about 300 knowing it would be recorded and heard around the world. What really helped me was to relax and be myself. I used my laptop but note cards with my talking points would have been enough. What makes us most afraid of public speaking is the fear of being judged, laughed at or rejected in some way. Believe in what you are going to speak about and be true to yourself, be your own supportive audience.

You are very unique compared to your friends. You are living through this stage of your life with a totally different perception than them due to adversity. Sometimes people feed off of drama. You don't have the time or energy to waste on negativity. Drama is not real because it usually reinvents itself daily as long as there are players on the stage. Sit back and watch for awhile. This semester is almost done and BRAVO for doing so well!

I don't know anything about your father but it is possible he really doesn't know he is stressing you and knowing men, he may be thinking he is doing good at motivating you to achieve your best.

With all that being said; some physical stress, edginess, may be part of the health problem and drama just exacerbates it.

{{{hugs}}}

Ayah

abbasgirl
05-26-2009, 09:37 PM
Oh I hate doing presentations. When I was last in school, last year (snicker), as a grown woman I STILL had a time with that. Thankfully my teacher let me do it at home in front of a camera. Is there any way your teacher could cut you a break like that? It was still hard for me to do. He wanted a full five minutes or more. But it was easier without an audience.

It can't be stressed enough though...stress is BAD. It will make you sick and more miserable and could sabotage yourself with so many things you need to do. I think it's very good advice you've been given to just cut ties with people that stress you out more for a while...or keep them at a distance. You already have enough to cope with as it is. ((((Hugs)))) Go easy on yourself.

gina
05-27-2009, 06:27 AM
you have gotten wonderfull advice you should use it the best way you can.
live one day at a time.
try listening to music or yoga for relaxing i do that. i hope thing go better.
i tell my daughter for studying for exams which work for her.
before you go to bed read your notes the first thing you do in morning is read your notes. that way they are the first and last thing on your mind and it does help her, hope it helps you.
oral exam just focus on something in classroom when speaking and look at teacher so she sees the eye contact and you will do just fine.:laugh:

dsunshine
05-27-2009, 07:58 PM
Try to use ice on your hands if they are swollen won't feel good at first but should help out a lot. As far as stress...try reading mystery or romance books...something to take your mind off of Lupus and the world. You have to learn to relax...I had to as well. I watch Nick at night or things that are light hearted on tv and funny. LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE!

ritzbit
05-30-2009, 09:34 AM
Thanks for all the advice =D

Im feeling tons better today. Its awesome. I even have a date =D First one since my ex dumped me lol And my hands dont hurt! They're still all puffy though. Oh well.

And my teacher told me I did really good on my presentation!!! =D so Im not so worried about that now. Dont know what I got on it yet though. Im almost done with school. No more exams for me =D I've only got 2 more days to suffer through lol

Thanks again you guys
I love you guys! :9:

Angel Oliver
05-30-2009, 01:44 PM
OH i am so proud n pleased for you.So glad you feel a bit better...no exams...but most of all YOU GOT A DATE WOO WOO!!!!:valentine4::fam21:.You so deserve this and it'll help get your ex from your mind.You enjoy it my friend.Let us know how it goes.Im so excited for you now.
lots of love
Amanda.xxxxxxxxxxxx

ritzbit
05-30-2009, 05:16 PM
Well we had to reschedule lol but We're going on Monday so long as he's feeling better. His sister text me and said his stomach was just hurting really bad so I told him we should just go another day when he feels better lol Im still pumped though =D Been awhile now lol Im suprised my mom is letting me becuz he's older lol I took a year off though. He's 19 and I told her that he was 18 lol so she didnt freak as much. He's so nice =D

I think I've finally chilled out some. And I havent talked to my ex in a week =) Its progress lol Im feeling so much better. Had fun with my friends last night at a drive in =)

How have you been doing lately Amanda?

Angel Oliver
05-31-2009, 11:26 AM
Oh Monday is a good night to have a date...oh im so happy for you.Keep your distance from that ex...he drains out your energy and he's so not worth it...you are too good for him!!! Oh im glad you got out with your friends and had fun...do you the world of good...to laugh! Carnt wait for MOnday now...keep me posted.
Oh im ok....plodding on and deflating then swell up then deflate..so funny but not.Sat in the garden today...we got sun n heat at the same time...so rare for the UK.Had bikini on scaring the birds in the trees lol.
You take care and good luck...oh...age doesnt matter its whats inside that counts.
LOve
Amanda.xxxxxxxx

ritzbit
05-31-2009, 01:20 PM
Its the only day this week I'll be able to go out lol Im excited =D And I still havent talked to him. Even thinking about him just makes me a mess so Im pushing him from my thoughts. Im so glad I have my two best friends. They're the ones who keep me sane lol I always have fun with them and never have any problems. I'll let you know how things go =D

Sounds nice =) we keep getting rain. Good thing I love sitting in the rain lol Im afraid to pull out my bikini lol I hope you feel better!

And with age. Try telling my mom it doesnt matter lol the guy Im going to the movies with is 6'5, almost 20, and looks all big and scary lol but he's shy and a totally softy lol

hating_that_pred
01-26-2010, 05:13 AM
Something that can get you stressed very easily is something called 'hoax thoughts'. They are thoughts that seem like they are helping, when really all they are doing is putting extra strain and pressure on your mind. Little thoughts like 'i MUST feel better, and i HAVE to get this done can build up from days,weeks even months ago. Hoax thoughts are the reason you sometimes snap at people for no reason. Try and clear your mind from the hoax thoughts and just do things to the best of your ability, and do only whats possible. But dont start thinking 'i MUST not listen to hoax thoughts'....because that is one. This method may seem silly to some but has helped me alot.

rob
01-26-2010, 07:25 AM
Something that can get you stressed very easily is something called 'hoax thoughts'. They are thoughts that seem like they are helping, when really all they are doing is putting extra strain and pressure on your mind. Little thoughts like 'i MUST feel better, and i HAVE to get this done can build up from days,weeks even months ago. Hoax thoughts are the reason you sometimes snap at people for no reason. Try and clear your mind from the hoax thoughts and just do things to the best of your ability, and do only whats possible. But dont start thinking 'i MUST not listen to hoax thoughts'....because that is one. This method may seem silly to some but has helped me alot.

You know, I've done this to myself more than a few times lately, and you are right, it's a real mental "trap" that you can get yourself into. I never knew it had a name. I'll have to add the term "hoax thoughts" to my vocabulary.

Good post!

Rob