View Full Version : Angel fights back!
04-15-2009, 02:20 PM
Well the ambulance turned up late again, so im so stressed out now as its gone past my appointment time. I feel so sick on the way and finally get there. The dread was swarming me, there were 50 people in the waiting room,not what you want to see when you suffer with panic attacks.I sit at the back.In my head im remembering what Lori,Lucky7,Ashley,Mdreamer,Oluwa Rob and so many others of you wh kindly was helping me 'get tough' with the Demons.....sorry Doctors.
As i sat there, hot and bothered, a nurse walk passed me.I told her i was late and asked if she could help as i was having a panic attack, even though it was mild, she said she'll see what she can do. Five minutes later a nurse came and got me as the poor people sat there, who had waited an age gave me dirty looks.But sorry, i didnt care....ive waited since Cristmas and im distressed now!
It was the lady Doctor,surgeon. She started by telling me the scan shown her nothing as, somebody didnt stay in it long enough :)ME!
Then i explained why and she was nice then started fobbing me off with the 'get rid' talk. She wanted me to go back on Lyrica ,Tramadol and Amitryptaline. When i told her my problems on them, she then started talking down to me saying well, theres nothing i can do if we dont have a scan.You WONT take the meds i prescribed for you.....OH I FLIPPED!!!!
I TOLD HER.....IF YOU THINK IM GOING TO BE TOLD TO TAKE DRUGS WHICH MAKE ME STOP WEEING AND GET MIGRANES YOU ARE WRONG! aND IF YOU THINK IM LEAVING YOUR ROOM UNTIL IM SATISFIED YOUR WRONG!!!
A usual appointment lasts 5 minutes. I stayed and DIDNT MOVE for over an hour.
I told her how unprofessional and VERY CRUEL they were treating me this way,leaving me from Christmas to now with STILL nothing done to help me.I told her, whe i left the hospital in January, i was under the impression in the next 2 weeks i would be sorted.INstead, 12 appointments later and still no further on. I said IVE HAD ENOUGH AND WILL NOT MOVE UNTIL I AM TREATED AND PAIN FREE!! I told her ive tried ALL the meds that make me ill, they didnt work.Ive had physio, it didnt work,i relax my jaw, im still in pain, ive done the MRI....and freaked out lol. I could see they wanted me out....i did not budge. I even brought in my hand bag a pair of handcuffs (Long story how i have a pair lol) because i was not being told to go away good little girl one more time.I was going to handcuff myself to the reclining chair :) I was prepared!!
NOW SHE IS LISTENING TO ME!!!!
She now is talking to my face as a person and not a silly number. She now knows I AM IN PAIN! She now tells me there is a protocol all Doctors there have to stick too. I have done them all. She now tells me....without an MRI, as this picks up what she needs to look at,that a CT scan can not pick up....that without it id just be fobbed off and put on pain medication.
She goes on to say, she understands my fear of enclosed spaces and even went to see if a doctor will give me IV Sedation.They carnt and wont do it due to staff numbers and id need an anethatist there.
So I have to have the MRI done and soon.
Also, im having a dye put in me and an other x ray, plus i am now on Codeine Phosphate.
My appointment is this Friday for 45 minutes in the MRI Scanner and my bowels are getting very loose just writing this.I know i need it, but the fear is so bad....if i dont go through with it, ive no help.If i do go through the MRI i get help. I have 7 diazepam left and may take them all before i go and take my uncle with me in case im too drugged up. Im aloud 20mg.But i need them to work as i took 4mg and it didnt touch me.
If i can get through the scan i will then know if my disc has 'gone' in my jaw and she will tell me what the hello is causing all this pain in my face.
She did say im preparing you that if all comes back well....and its just jaw mucsles or TJM, i will just have pain meds,but at least i'll know for sure.
Fair enough i thought.Now she's heard me.
So thanks everyone.....THE BIG LION IS HERE!!!!! Just need ideas about me and this big machine for Friday.All suggestions very welcome and very needed.
(the essay writer)
04-15-2009, 02:34 PM
WAY TO GO GIRL!!!!!! wish you could come with me to my appointments x
04-15-2009, 02:50 PM
I made it sound easier than it actually was and i was prepared to do anything as having lock jaw at Christmas to now is far too long for a human to be left by a so called caring service. Im at my wits end, did cry once, but i was so frustrated with so many appointments yet getting nowhere.
If i could come with you believe me i really would. Sending you my 'big lion status' it brings you luck and gets you tough Roooooaaaaaaarrrr!
04-15-2009, 03:00 PM
I feel for you!!! I can't do the MRI's either!!! I had to be sedated. I didn't know they did it!!! When they did my legs they put me in upside down and my head was out!!! One time they where pushing me in and I was holding on. They thought the thing was stuck!!! I told them I couldn't do it. So they sedated me.
I have TMJ from grinding my teeth. I wear a bite grard when I sleep!!! It helps with the pain!!!:yes:
04-15-2009, 03:00 PM
Oh Angel....I am so, so proud of you! You did it! I'll bet that felt so good. My heart was soaring with happiness as I read this. I was so afraid you were going to be sent away again with not a bit of understanding or help. WAY TO GO, AMANDA!!
I love that you spoke up when the first moments of panic started and got help from the nurse...and thankful she listened to you and acted. I can just picture you, in the exam room, butt planted on the seat, refusing to move until they dealt with you. You actually sat there for an hour, refusing to move? .......You Go Girl!! :You_Rock_Emoticon:
Oh, and the handcuffs....I think you might have to start another thread, cuz I wanna hear the story how you happen to have a pair of those in your possession. :)
Honestly, I am so glad you talked and told the doctor exactly how you felt. And glad that she finally sat up and paid attention.
Now all we have to do is get you through the MRI Friday. And I know we can do it. I'll gather up all my tips and tricks and share some ideas soon as I can. I've gotta run and pick up kids from school right now. But I'll be back. I've had to go through some pretty scary, panicky tests in all my years, so I've got a few things up my sleeve that might help.
I'm truly happy to hear about a positive experience...because each one of those gives us the confidence to face another difficult challenge. Aren't you proud of yourself? You should be!!
04-15-2009, 03:15 PM
GO AMANDA GO!!!
you gotta tell those docs how it is!!!!
04-15-2009, 03:32 PM
Thanks so much everyone. I made a massive effort to try and get sedated, but they said it would mean a Doctor being present in the MR Centre which is a building on its own. The centre had already told me they can not sedate Adults only children. Oh actually i did ask why not Adults and she said a Doctor would have to be there.But hang on...now im thinking.A doctor would have to be there with a child.Mmmm may look into this tomorrow with my nurse.I smell a fob off here and didnt pick up on it.
Yes, i am proud, but that negative chatter in my head is saying....you know people pleasing stuff....but you know what...i dont care anymore.If they want to think im a looney let em.As long as i get sorted its worth it.
Thanks for all your thoughts and Lori for your strength which landed with a bang :)
Erm the handcuffs.:laugh:. They are in a silver box with some chocolate body lotion. A friend bought it me for my birthday. Why...i dont know, but it doesnt taste like chocolate.Then i thought....oh.....i dont think you are meant to eat it.She is so naughty my friend.She even handcuffed me to a Table a couple of years ago in a posh restaurant .
04-15-2009, 04:16 PM
Oh, Angel.....lmao here! Your words paint such a picture at times. You actually got handcuffed to a table in a restaurant?
So...handcuffs...chocolate....I guess you're a woman that's ready for anything in life!
04-15-2009, 04:42 PM
Yes!! It was my 37th and a few people from work took me to an Italian, posh and quiet.The food was nice.The people were or looked upper class.Then there was me, handcuffed to the table with them all looking over.I was so embarrassed.They hid the key. I was not easy to miss being on the best table surrounded by the rest of the customers.Great fun though, when i managed to pick the lock.Im so talented....cheerleading on Ashleys profile, Smoke signals, BIG LION :) Keeps my mind occupied. Oh and i used to kick box a little n white water raft! Not now though...getting out of beds enough now im 39 lol.
04-15-2009, 05:10 PM
Handcuffs,:wideeyed: chocolate,:laugh: You Have a very exciting life!!! :fam21::071:
Pretti in Pink
04-15-2009, 06:21 PM
You're 39 and going strong! You keep that attitude and take care of yourself because if you don't look out for you, who will.
Amanda, I knew you had this in you. You got into someones face, with good reason, and they heard you. Whether they like it, or not. I had a imaginary picture in my mind of you doing your kick-boxing moves. You stood up for yourself in grand fashion. You did one heck of a job standing up for yourself. You did great!
04-15-2009, 08:14 PM
hooray for angel,
you did it girl....i am so happy for you that i can't stand it.....i was cheering you on while i was reading the post about today's appointment.
I was told by my dr. that they can do a ct scan when someone is bothered by the mri machine. insurance companies would rather them use the mri because it is cheaper. Maybe what they are looking for with you will not show up on ct scan.
Sedation.....screw them.....sedate yourself.
I don't know any special tricks for getting through the mri machine, but maybe you could visualize all of us standing around outside of the machine cheering for you every minute that you are in there. You have done the hard part, you made the dr. treat you right, now just got to get this machine to cooperate. You could also replay (in your mind) today's stand that you took, and i bet you would be out of the machine before you got finished.
Sounds like Lori may be able to come up with something....
I knew you could do it, you took control of your situation, and you stood up for yourself.....and they listened....this is the best news i have gotten in a long time.....hooray my friend.
04-15-2009, 09:12 PM
I feel an idea coming on...... :thinkerg:
Hey, I wonder if they'd let you wear some headphones playing some soft relaxing, ocean music...like the sounds that come from your litebox?
Oh...wait a sec....I guess that might get in the way of an MRI of your head area.
Maybe they wouldn't mind a picture of your head and face with some headphones strapped on it. :)
Guess I'll have to keep brainstorming.......
I'll be back >>>>>>>>>> :outtahere:
Its sounds like you got your balls back. good for your. i will keep you in my thoughts for the mri. the pills should work, if you take that many. xoxoxox:yes:
04-16-2009, 01:07 PM
Do you think they would let your Uncle come in with you during the test, to sit and talk with you to keep your mind from going to the panic place?
I don't know if they allow it, but I had to have an MRI quite a long time ago, and I was pretty young and scared and had been through a lot, and they let my husband come sit with the tech in the little room they sit in, and when the tech wasn't giving me instructions, my husband was allowed to talk to me over the microphone.
I just kept my eyes closed and he talked to me about our honeymoon and the things we did in Hawaii. It helped take my mind away from there and made the time pass quickly. Before I knew it, the test was done.
This was quite a long time ago and I'm not sure how much MRI's have changed, but if there's a safe place where someone could sit and talk with you, without them being exposed, I mean....maybe they would allow that.
Just a thought....
I'm hoping that you were able to talk with your nurse today and sort this out. I so want you to be able to get through this test so they can help you soon. Let me know when you get a chance.
04-16-2009, 01:15 PM
hope you are doing ok, and not stressing too much over the test.
I, like lori, don't know if they would allow you o wear headphones, but maybe they could play some music over the speaker to the machine. I suggest Susan Boyle's song that she sang for British Idol competition....she sounds like an angel, and would calm a tornado.
let us know what plan you have....i also like the idea of your uncle sitting in the room with you...i knew we could count on Lori.
04-16-2009, 01:58 PM
Oh Phyllis and Lori thanks so much for the support and ideas. To be honest, the more i think about tmrw the more im panicing. I know the point i dont like and its just as its moves and the beginning of the tunnel and then knowing i carnt escape on my own.I know once i press the button it takes 10 seconds for the guy to say ok im on my way and get me out....i counted :)
I know this is so silly...to be scared out of my mind at a machine. I have to do tomorrow or else no help.But the fear is so bad and i know how dissapointed and stupid im going to look if i dont go through it.But the fear is THAT bad!
I told my nurse today...i now know what my trigger for panic is.....its enclosed spaces...im so claustraphobic and never realised!
I have found some valium/diazepam so this is my plan.The appointment is 3.30pm.So at 1pm i will take 12.30pm i will take 1 pill.Then at 1.45 i will take another 2.(I dont want my Uncle in with me he stresses me out)By the time my uncle picks me up, if im still ALERT i will take another one.If im asleep WHOOPS :).But i know 1 doesnt hit me at all and im not sure at what mg you get knocked out.I had 5 temazepam when i had that gold crown pulled and was'nt relaxed or sleepy AT ALL. What do you think? I know you are not doctors but im doing it as its my last resort to get me in the machine.They are only 2mg .
Also...more news:yes:. I thought whilst i had the LION head on...i wrote a letter to the Practice Manager and ive posted it! I know the Doctor will be informed and i put in the letter please dont tell him as he scares me lol...before i found out its policy he has to be informed. Ive told the truth.He puts his paperwork before he even talks to me oh and dead patients.Im a bit scared, but i thought....lets gets rid of some baggage.Dont feel brave...just totally afraid of what is to come.
Thanks so much my friends for being my support.Sending you all gentle hugs and plenty of smoke :)xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
04-16-2009, 02:11 PM
my dear friend,
i know you are scared to death about the test...i do not understand clostrophobia, so i am truly can't offer expert advice.
I have thought a lot today about your plight, and i thought of something for you to keep in mind. You made a huge step, you stood up for yourself, and you let the dr. know that you are serious about getting some relief from all of this pain.
So, the dr. set you up another appointment...Angel, let the dr. know that you meant what you said....you want relief. The dr. probably expects you not to complete the test, and then you can be written off.....do not let them write you off again....this is your stand, and you deserve to be respected for what you have accomplished.
See if they will play some music into the machine, take your meds (i would probably take the meds just like you have planned), and don't let that dr. beat you again. And, don't worry if you are asleep, they can lay you on the table....
you are doing a great job, you owe yourself a huge pat on the back, wish i was there to give you a gentle pat and to hold your hand tomorrow.
picture all of us in a huge lupie group hug, swaying to some nice music, all wearing hats to protect us from sun and UV rays, and in the center of the group is a giant pile of chocolate.
04-16-2009, 03:12 PM
Phyllis has done some great encouraging for you.....
The only thing I might add is when you go through with your plan of medicating yourself leading up to the appointment (which is exactly what I'd do), be careful not to knock yourself completely out so you're asleep...then they'd have to have someone there to monitor your breathing, just the same as under anesthesia. If you're conked out, you can't communicate with them, and they wouldn't be able to 'see' if you're breathing properly while you're in the machine.
I'd say just take care to bring yourself to the appointment as relaxed and sleepy as possible, like a limp rag doll, but stop short of knocking yourself out.
I'd hate to have them cancel your appointment for this reason.
Good luck....and if you're drugging yourself up, I'd advise against wearing stilletos to the appointment. Wouldn't want you to break an ankle trying to get a picture of your head.... :)
Sending you strong, positively encouraging HUGS comin' attcha right now >>>>>>> Here they come >>>>>> PLOP! :hug:
04-16-2009, 03:36 PM
I know what you are going though!!! I can't get in them without meds!!! I get in a real panic!!! But they where nice to me about it!!! Said a lot people get like that!!!:yes:
04-16-2009, 04:08 PM
Oh Angel, i am so PROUD of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! You go girl!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
04-16-2009, 04:08 PM
Oh wow Phyllis thanks so much for those words of encouragement.I feel such a nuisance to be even going on about a stupid machine which just makes noises.The noises are fine....if it was a convertable id be fine...no problemo...but no....its got a roof a side and a table...nt very inviting for a claustrophobic.The sensation of a claustr.....is ...it feels like a panic attack but allot worse.The air suddenly is gone even though there is fresh cool air blowing on your face....im so very hot and sweating even though its freezing in it.....the overwhelming urge to sit up is there....you carnt move but your violently shaking.This is what its like.Oh and you get out of the machine with a sexy wet patch on your ass from fear sweat and your top lip is stuck above your front teeth so your look like a mad sweaty woman impersenating a rabbit with the shakes.....do i sound sexy now :)Hang on what was that?
Oh Lori...thanks i got it right now!!!!! Phyllis i know you are right they are expecting me to fail tmrw to get rid of me.So i will try but no guarentees.But thanks so much i'lll remember all the posts in this thread tomorrow.
Lori, yes as well.Im not sure what my cut off point will be with those pills.So, yes i carnt take them all at once or one to many in case i fall asleep as it will happen suddenly....so if i just get this massive sharpe n spikey edge off...enough for me not to care....yipeee i win.If not.....oh i wish i knew a hypnatist right now lol.
Thanks all for being there for me.Just dont put all your faith in me though cause i may not be able to do it.If i do...you'll know about it lol.
04-16-2009, 04:15 PM
My faith is in YOU Angel, and you WILL be able to do it! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats a Rob Schneider line from The Water Boy! So you can HEAR how im saying it! LOL:-)
04-16-2009, 04:47 PM
Wish i had your faith, but thanks so much.Now that deep voice really suits you :) (can you tell i dont know who that guy is).lol.xxxxxxxxxxxx
04-16-2009, 04:53 PM
LOL You MADE CARL AND I laugh! Do you know who Adam Sandler is? Its a movie he was in. Hes a friend of Adams so Adam puts him in his movies with just a few goofy lines. Hes also in some of his own movies. Just a little FYI LOL:laugh:
04-16-2009, 05:03 PM
Sounds familiar but not sure.I usually watch a film just staring and before i know its finished.......lol.....ive watch a film yet been miles away.I'll look out for him.xxxxxx
Was'nt him on the loo with diareaha and there was no loo roll?
04-16-2009, 05:08 PM
LOl Carl and i LAUGHD HARD!!!!!:laugh-floor: Were not sure what that movie is? FUNNY THOUGH!!!!
04-16-2009, 05:15 PM
you will do your best, and if you can't pull it off, then we will help you confront the dr. to find an alternative way to get the information that is needed for a diagnosis and pain relief.
whichever way it goes, you let us know when and how you are ready. we are here no matter what, so don't worry about dissappointing anyone here....this is a serious situation you are facing, and everyone is pulling for you.
good luck, get really sleepy, and have sweet dreams...
04-16-2009, 05:18 PM
Oh Phyllis thanks so much my friend.Sending you hugs.
04-16-2009, 06:18 PM
Just remember those things you wrote in my note about relaxing!!!
04-17-2009, 02:22 AM
Its like i say i will try but i never take my own advice.If i did id be happy.Strange isnt it what we do.All have our little fears.But thats what friends are for to make you listen.S i'll try and listen to you.Thank you.xxxxxxxx
04-17-2009, 02:42 AM
Oh do i feel sick today.Do i wish is was tomorrow and all was done. And breath 2 3 4 and breath 2 3 4. :). Right going to slowly get dressed then start pill popping.So may not be here later, hopefully will sleep.Please let me chill out and breath 2 3 4.xxxxxx
04-17-2009, 05:09 AM
i have got to investigate and find the time difference between us....i do not know if you are getting your test or what.....just know we are all sending you as many support angels as we can get accross that huge body of water.
breath 2,3,4.....breath 2,3,4, keep up the great work.
I hope you get through today as easily, and as quickly as possible. Just conjure up a mental picture of big tough me, crying like a baby everytime I have to go to the dentist! Laughter helps. You're claustrophobic, I'm dentist-phobic (is there a real word for that?). I even have to take a valium to just get my teeth cleaned. Anyway, I'll be thinking of you today. Say hi when you can. You'll be OK.
04-17-2009, 09:55 AM
I couldn't post until now, but I'm sending you lots of love and hugs, hoping all went well today. The first time I had an MRI I was terrified, broke out in a sweat, heart racing, and made them stop early. The second time -when they informed me that I had no choice but to go through it - they gave me a mild sedative (have no idea what it was, but just one tablet of something) and I closed my eyes the minute I was put on that little table thing that guides you in. I sang songs in my head and tried my best to tune everything out except those songs that helped me to stay sort of okay through it. I hope the same happens for you - that whatever you do while they're doing their thing with the MRI, you're able to get through it so that they can give you some relief from all the pain.
And you are such an inspiration to me!! When I read your first post, my mouth was just open. You have guts, woman!!!! Way to go!!!! For once, finally, the doctor met her match in you!!!!! I am so totally going to keep that story in mind the next time I see one of my doctors. Love, love, love the handcuffs part! :) Good for you for writing a letter about what you experienced too. Maybe your letter will make a difference and they'll think again before they treat another patient as they've been treating you. In any case, lots of warm hugs to you. Do something nice for yourself today - you deserve it! :cute:
04-17-2009, 11:26 AM
Hey Angel, do you think you can catch the next plane down to Texas! I have my Neuro Thursday, and I need you!!!!!!!!! Hugs Kathy
04-17-2009, 12:14 PM
I tell you all today was the most stressful horrible day to the run up of my MRI. Its now 8pm .
I DID IT...I DID IT..I DID IT...I DID....AND DANCE:fam21:.
i WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED.sO AT 12.15 i took a valium.Nothing happened.At 1.15 i took another one.Nothing.Times is now getting nearer so i took another Valium.Nothing. 2.15pm now and my uncles coming...i took another one. Uncles here....i took another two. Got in the car and felt like i was going to the death chamber.Never been so scared. Got to the hospital, took another valium for good measure.
They all remembered me.They were so nice. Got me in the head lock and gave me a minute to breath....then i said go!
All the way through i thought of Phyllis and Roscoe,Lucky 7 and Carl,Rob and planes,Lori and her guest visiting,Oluwa and the flowers and her mum, wrighters,yvette,both cheryls,Saysusie,ISDM,Maria,Gina,kathr,Ayah and many more of you.Remembering everyones bravery and what you get up to in life.
It was scarey. I had to keep shouting at myself you had allot of valium please kick in now.Then the man brought me out.I thought it was over,....but no..now i have a tube inserted in my mouth and head moved.Back i go in again. The panic now is bad so i start again with all the members on here.This time the man is talking to me.Ive made sure those ear plugs are now nearly popping out of my throat lol so far into my ears.Couldnt have music as thats where they are scanning.
He brings me out again.NOpe not finished...he needs to do the other side now...back i go in again. Now im feeling scared but beginning to chill. I sang Susan Boyles song...thanks Phyllis....thought of the Pajama ghost.....began to think of Daisy and quickly got away from that thought as it was to sad...so began singing......Where you are by whitney....then Everybody back street boys.Then im out again.
IVE FINISHED ITS ALL DONE!! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE:yes:.
They all actually cheered me the techno guy n 2 nurses and the receptionist as i got out.Oh i couldnt get up......drugs began to kick in...can you believe it.Im so drugged up now all these hours later and even had 2 hours sleep.
Now the hospital have no excuse.I kept thinking of what you said Phyllis. So now its just the injection in the mouth and jaw,dye and xray.
Thanks so much for getting me through this everyone! I still carnt believe its actually over. I kicked the machine secretly as i left.....bully :)
04-17-2009, 12:18 PM
I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you! You go Girl!
04-17-2009, 12:28 PM
Hooray for Amanda,,,,,
OMG you are so brave, you did it, you did it....now, they have to realize how serious you are about this....
I also had to get a MRI on my chest today. As they rolled me into the machine, i told myself that i am fine and not scared, so i sent every ounce of energy and strength to you....all the way accross the ocean. It made me cry a little as i worried about you, i came out with tears, and they all got nervous....i explained what i was doing, and all the techs and nurses sent you energy too.
You have made my day.....now sleep and we will talk later.
balloons for our Angel:fam21:
YOU ARE OUR HERO
04-17-2009, 12:33 PM
You never told me.Im sorry as i was so wrapped up in fear, i bet i put you off telling me. WELL DONE PHYLLIS!!!!!:You_Rock_Emoticon::fam21:. Thanks for thinking of me even though you was having the same but being so brave.
Lots of love
Amanda, YOU RULE!
I knew you could do it! I am so happy to hear this. I know this is a terrifying thing that has been such a burden for you, but you did it. First you get in the Dr's face and say ENOUGH! Now, you stared down that MRI machine, and conquered your fear. I think back about how you were when you first joined here. You have changed so much. You found courage that you didn't think you had, but was always there. If I were there, I'd give you a giant hug, and take you out for a pint of your favorite beer. People read your story, and I know that they find comfort and courage in your words. I wrote the three cheers thread for a reason, you deserve it.
04-17-2009, 12:52 PM
Angel, So glad you got though it, your so brave!!!! Wasn't sure when it was, the time thing and all!!!
04-17-2009, 01:00 PM
Thanks so much Handcuff boy,
Im so drugged up right now its funny,nto my mind my body :) I dont know where this curage has come from.I think the other day i felt so low,a failure,wanteing to give up i thought ive nothing to loose. Monday i speak to the authority about Christmas and the appauling behaviour of that hospital,leaving me in the street. And i am sure,my own Doctor today will be very unhappy with me for writing t the Practice Manager about his conduct.But im SICK of being treated like a hypacondriact when im in so much pain! Its thanks to you and all your members for giving me the support. I dont know how long the courage will stay,so getting everything in order for when i fall apart again. Not easy having an illness that makes you look well and the authorities trying to make you go back to work and friends and family thinking its all in your head.Im sick of it all. I even rang the Dissability place who have refused me and and im appealing their decision.Like i said....i dont know how long i'll be feeling so tough,so got all the main things on the go and ready for the fight.
Got my Codeine Phosphate today,but think i'll give it a miss as im extremely drugged up at the mo.
Thanks for supporting me through such a tough time you are dealing with,its been such a help.
04-17-2009, 01:02 PM
Yes wrightrs its 9.10pm here now so it was done 6 hours ago..:yes:Thanks allot
04-17-2009, 03:14 PM
Way to gooooooooooo Angel............:071:
You just made my day! You are now my HERO! You faced your fears....twice in one week!
I am so happy that you took all of us in there with you...that you used our stuff to occupy your mind...what a great idea.
What a pleasure to hear how the staff cheered you when your made it through. That is so sweet...to take time to recognize a very difficult situation for you and treat you like a queen...the way you, Angel, deserve to be treated.
Everytime you take these baby steps and tackle another challenge and come through it, you come one step closer to a happier, more self confident you....and it brings courage to keep on facing the toughest stuff in life.
I raise my glass in a toast to Angel.....The Lion King....and our very own WHL Hero......:friday: .... She stands up ferociously to doctors....and MRI machines. Hip Hip Hooray!!
Hugs from all of us :grouphug:
04-17-2009, 06:26 PM
Angel, you are not a big lion . . .YOU ARE THE LION KING!!! I am glad the MRI is done and over with and now you know you can conquer! I am thinking, however, that maybe we now have a handcuff girl to go along with our handcuff boy!!
04-18-2009, 09:31 AM
I hope you are having an open MRI machine. I couldn't handle the closed one because I have claustrophobia. If closed spaces don't bother you, you will be okay.
04-18-2009, 09:53 AM
You go girl. You keep fighting them doctors they need a wake up call big time.:angry-explosion:your top anytime they give you a hard time and treat you like a number.
04-18-2009, 11:00 AM
Oh Angel, I am so HAPPY FOR YOU!!! I just read your post and im so PROUD!!!!!! You DID GREAT and it sounds like they were nicer to you this time, i would of had to come BEAT some people up there in England if they didnt treat you well! LOL:nutkick: Carls glad you made it through too! He felt bad you were having to feel that way :no: about your MRI. HOORAY FOR AMANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!:biggthumpup:
04-18-2009, 12:09 PM
...Still sleeping off the effects of your pills from yesterday? I visited your Profile and dangled something there to entice you....
More specifically, CHOCOLATE :valentine2: ....thought I'd leave of trail of it here to draw you out of hiding.
Hope you're feeling on top of the world today!!
Hugs n Love,
04-18-2009, 01:43 PM
Oh Lori, Thanks for your lovely words. Always so thoughtful and kind and my dear friend.
Jeanette,thank you and Carl too,so kind and thoughtful.
Grime ,Yes at the moment ive aquired some courage so will do,but dont know how long it'll stay,so making the most of it.
DOW....NO it was the enclosed one.I too have claustraphobia thats what all my fuss was about.I freaked out last week and they had to get me out.But i was very drugged up this time around,and thought of everyone on here while i was inside ....even you....oh and David on his boat...i was on it.
Froggal, thanks so much my friend.
Wrightrs and Rob......thanks so much for helping with all the memories of you both and everyone....it got me through.
Sending a massive hug to you all.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
04-18-2009, 07:38 PM
Angel, you are AMAZING!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of you because you faced that fear and showed it who's boss!!!!! No stopping you now - you can do ANYTHING!!!!! Great days are ahead for you - I just know it!!! Hope you're enjoying the weekend and feeling better every day. Sending you lots of hugs and lots of chocolate! :cute:
04-19-2009, 10:22 AM
glad to see you woke up....geeese girl, you took enough valium to sedate a horse...i bet you slept for days.
are you feeling pretty feisty today? you should be, you are the champion, you have conquered the machine and the docs....
congratulations my friend, now we can get back to funny threads.
04-19-2009, 02:41 PM
I could have done with 1 more i think as i was still very scared.But i had a fab sleep and had so much energy the day after.I mowed the grass and made Daisy's memorial,like a little grave with angels and daisies.Looks nice.She looks at me now in the garden and i talk to her.Neighbours must think im a loon lol.Her photo is in a glass jar you see so they carnt see what im talking too. Thanks for all your support.I thought of you and Rosce whilst inside.
Hope you've had a fab day with your grandchildren and so hope you dont mind the thread i have started for you.
04-19-2009, 03:57 PM
My Internet has been out for so much this month I didn't get the full story of what you have been facing and your awesome accomplishment! WTG girl! When will you have the results?
The very first time I had an MRI scheduled I had no idea what it was. They asked me if I was claustrophobic, I said no. When I first seen the machine it looked like a coffin. They asked me again before I went in if I was claustrophobic, again, no I am not.
On the table, head strapped, going in, it was tight, I FREAKED OUT. I could not breath! That's when I first found out that yes I was claustrophobic. Diazapam worked for me too. Once, they also gave me headphones with music I brought with me. Now they use a donut shaped machine that is not scary at all.
Count me in on how HAPPY we are for you to have conquered your fear! We seem to be going through something similar. Mine has gotten so bad I can no longer chew food. Whatever is going on has effected the jaw joint, the pain is so unbearable at times my entire left side of my head, even the left side of my toungue burns and hurts. Yesterday I took; aspirine, naprosene, norco, ibuprophen and was still in pain. All I do know is the trigimeal nerve is involved.
Like my mom says, "the squeeky wheel gets the oil."
Keep on squeekin' sistah!
04-19-2009, 04:07 PM
Hi and thanks so much Ayah. Yes i had plenty of diazepam and could have had one more,but didnt want to knock myself out and not be able to have it done lol. I know you have a similiar thing to me.Amazing how we take the mouth and jaw for granted. Im back on Wednesday,hopefully they should have the results.Im on codeine phosphate,which thankfully are working.I coul'nt stay on the morphine as im feeling like a smack head and dont want to come dependant on drugs,ive enough to deal with.
Yes i thought it was like a coffin too. The first time i really freaked out.Still did this time,but self medicated and concentrated on relaxing and breathing and singing lol. I could not have the headphones as they needed to scan all joints,discs,soft tissue etc.I did ask.I even asked to be knocked out or a CT.But they told me the CT wouldnt pick up what theyre looking at.Now whether that was to save money im not sure whether that is the truth.
So glad you have the internet on again, you are missed when you are not here.
Sending you gentle hugs
04-19-2009, 06:16 PM
Ayah, it is so good to have you back...i really missed you while the electronics ghost possessed your computer....happens to me all the time, luckily my son can reclaim it for me.
I love your picture,,,,you look a lot like one of my cousins, and so i now get a gentle reminder of her.
Angel,,,,,oh i just want to hug you.
I can see your memorial in my heart, and i think it is beautiful....you keep talking to that precious jar, the angels will take care of the nosey neighbors. I know Daisy is proud to have her little place in your garden, and she will always be in your heart. What a special tribute to her, find your peace and strength from this little corner in your life.
I am going to plant daisies in my back yard in honor of your Daisy.
04-19-2009, 10:23 PM
I am late in joining this conversation, but I've been reading it everyday. Just wanted to say that I am soooo proud of you for standing up for yourself. :thumbs-up:
I'm glad that you managed the procedure (albeit while on drugs). I've had to be in that tomb too many times to recall. I put a mask over my eyes and pretend that I'm somewhere else. The one time that I peaked, I freaked out!!! :shocked:
You will not lose this new found strength..we all have got your back!!!
Peace and Blessings