View Full Version : yeah, ayahsclan is back,
04-14-2009, 02:43 AM
so glad to see you here again. i was wondering where you were. thank goodness for sons with electronic knowledge. I often have to wait for my son to come around, and when he does, i have a list ranging from computer to tv remote....he just laughs at me.
anyway, so glad you are back,
04-14-2009, 04:57 AM
i am too! :]
04-14-2009, 05:04 PM
Yes me too ive missed you soooooooooooooo much:yes:.
04-14-2009, 06:17 PM
omg you guys are making me cry...
You all have become my lifeline. When I first came here I was hurting so much, inside, outside and upside down. When I first posted I put myself out there and thought I might be judged, or chastised in some way. As I put it, I didn't want to bother anyone with my pain, be a "buzz kill."
God used you to save me from myself, if that makes sense. I was so lonely in lupus, being strong for my children so as not to ruin their young new lives, being strong for my husband so he did not have to suffer through my pain, hiding my misery from friends, being strong and hiding my feelings from my mother who I take care of but she never took care me. She raised me in a cult then left me homeless at 13. She is in denial of much because the truth is too gut wrenching for her to confess or apologize for. I live in a state of constant prayer for strength to be merciful to her, to love unconditionally, to carry her groceries when I feel my legs will surely buckle underneath me.
It is God's mercy that brought me here. In all my pain, you all have shared it, and I in yours.
How can I thank you all for something that has more substance, value and meaning than a billion dollars? You guys gifted me with a trillion dollar bailout of the heart. I was emotionally bankrupt.
Thank you so much,
05-20-2009, 05:26 AM
don't know what happened to your last post here, but i just found it. I am so sorry for not responding sooner.
Your heart is obviously full of love, and you share this love with so many people. My kids have drilled me on why i did certain things while they were growing up....my response (after being weary from questions) was "i made all of those mistakes so that you would know how to be a perfect parent." Your mom was apparently confused and easily influenced by the attractions advocated by cults. She is very fortunate to have you now, i wish she could talk to you about why she did what she did.....because you would "listen with love"
hope you have a great day.
05-20-2009, 08:19 PM
It is so good to have you back, you have been missed. I do not think that you could ever be emotionally bankrupt, you have so much in your heart and so much faith....no, you were not bankrupt, you were unfulfilled.and that was not your fault.
You are such a wonderful mother, wife and daughter. Your mother is blessed to have you in her life now. She probably needs to hear you say that she is forgiven, then she might allow herself to be open and honest with you so that she can begin to forgive herself. I am sure that she wants to get over this wall between the two of you, but she does not have the strength of character that you have.
Please know that we are always here for you...always! Sending you hugs of understanding and love!
Peace and Blessings
sick n tired
05-20-2009, 09:23 PM
Yes...I do agree...when you are gone you are missed...I, personally, have missed hearing from you...
05-20-2009, 09:45 PM
I have been wondering about where you were. I really don't know what post the others are talking about. I must have missed it. But I do know that chatting with you here has meant a lot to me. Some of our chat have been about serous issues and some were fun.
05-20-2009, 10:31 PM
I absolutely MISSED you! Our club doesnt work without its founding member! Ayah honey, you are an awesome person to go thru the things in life that you have been thru, and then deal with it so graciously. I believe in karma, I believe in God, I also believe that you have wonderful things coming your way because you deserve it!! No person should have to endure so much. I admire your strength. I hope you know that you are so very special to me! You have given me such great advice and support, and I will always be here to do the same for you . . . whenever you need me! Love ya girl! ~ Angie :hug:
05-21-2009, 02:14 PM
how the most difficult circumstances in one's life can lead to such blessings? We are certainly blessed to have you among us. And I hope you know in your heart that you have never been emotionally bankrupt...no one with such thoughtfulness in her heart could ever be.
Wishing you well,
05-21-2009, 04:13 PM
Sorry, I've been in my dark little cave again.
You are all so kind. Thank you all so much. I am just coming out of a horrendous flare and tend to shut out the world. I wish I would not run away from you all because only you can understand. Like they say, you'd have to be there.
05-21-2009, 08:06 PM
AWWWW, we undrstand Ayah. I TOO enter that "dark cave" at times. Just as long as you come out of it and make your way back to us when you feel up to it.:cute: Ive lost almost all of my friends due to that cave but its like you said, only people going through it can UNderstand it. Thats why we are here for each other. I hope you feel better, one day at a time hun. Gentle hugsXXXXXXXXXXX
05-21-2009, 11:30 PM
Just pop in and let us know how you are doing . . . Let me know if there is anything I can do for you!! Love ya girl!
05-24-2009, 08:07 PM
Glad you are back. I didn't realize you had gone away for a time.