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adl011
04-02-2009, 11:54 AM
and...I am afraid my fiance is planning too much for me to physically handle. :hissyfit: I never really had much celebration on my birthdays growing up, just oh happy birthday, here's five dollars buy yourself something. He knows that this is how I was raised, and ever since we started dating, he's always made a big deal out of my birthdays. I'm not complaining at all, don't get me wrong. I love it. I love the extra attention and love and special things I get to do because it is my birthday, but my health is so off right now. I know he's taking me out for a "day of fun" and that kinda worries me. I haven't been able to pull more than 4 hours at a time out of bed in a while. We are leaving tonight to travel to his parents house and then he has a whole day of events (unknown to me of course) for the two of us and then another day of events with the family on Saturday. I think it is so sweet that he plans these little things for me, I just don't want to let him down if I can't physically get through everything he has planned. He knows I'm sick, but sometimes after us not being able to go out and do things, he gets carried away and wants to do EVERYTHING all at once. I know if I'm too tired or hurting too much, I can just tell him and we could go home at once but I don't want to let him down. Especially with all of the planning he's gone through for this. he's been planning my birthday for six months.

Okay, I really just needed to vent a little. I'm just kinda worried about disappointing him because we don't get to do everything.

Okay, again now i'm rambling and repeating. Sorry, today isn't the best health day.

Hope everyone else is having a great, symptom-free day. :laugh:

~Amanda

Saysusie
04-02-2009, 12:31 PM
Perhaps you can start by telling him now that you really want to enjoy everything that he has planned for you and that it would be so helpful if your "day of fun" could be broken into increments of 1 to 2 hours at a time. Ask him if his plans include outdoor activities because you will need to plan for that by using sunscreen, wearing a hat, sunglasses and appropriate protective clothing.
By breaking your day up into manageable increments, you will be much more able to enjoy all that he has planned. But let him know that you will not be able to do a full day of fun without having some rest periods in between. It sounds as if he really loves and cares for you, so I am sure that he will be understanding and accommodating!

In the meantime...let me wish you a very Happy Birthday:happy-birthday2::fest30:

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie

lucky7
04-02-2009, 01:10 PM
Saysusie summed it up quite nicely. You have to be completely honest with your loved ones on how you feel and what you can handle,otherwise they will proceed as usual,especially since we dont LOOK ill. That is whats difficult for alot of people around us. REST is so IMPORTANT to this illness, please dont push yourself,as women we are used to pushing for the people around us but its YOUR time now so please take care of YOU.:hug: HUGS and :birthday:

pamjw
04-02-2009, 01:20 PM
Happy Birthday
I agree, you should let him know that you need to take it slow.
Maybe he has kept that in mind.
I hopwe it all works out!
Pam

Oluwa
04-02-2009, 01:26 PM
I find if I am open about my feeling, how I feel physically then I don't feel so easily annoyed, irritated when we do things together...

If you tell him, I think you both will enjoy the weekend together more...

'I want to so much enjoy my day with you and all you've planned are rest stops a part of the gifts to enjoy ..like a sipping of wine...watching the sun set...cake with candles in bed....foot rub'

Its your day, enjoy but not to the point of being deliriously exhausted...what fun is that....

Happy, Happy Birthday Amanda.......http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-greet028.gifBirthday hugs....squeeze.

Love,
Oluwa

tasha
04-02-2009, 01:54 PM
a really good friend of mine (who i actually dated for 5 years until recently) and i are going camping in Yosemite in a few weeks and i have a lot of the same worries you do... i'm afraid i'll be a huge let down because i won't be able to do the long hikes and other physical activities that i know he'll want to do. we went last year as well and that was before i came down with lupus... and we did an 8 hour hike. it was awesome, but i know there's NO way i would be able to handle something like that now. but he says it's okay and he understands if i can't keep up with everything.

i'm sure your fiance will completely understand as well. just do your best and don't push yourself too much! he WILL understand!! and happy birthday!! :)

mountaindreamer
04-02-2009, 05:16 PM
hi amanda,

a hapy happy birthday wish is being sent your way. i hope you have a wonderful time celebrating this special day....thank goodness your fiance has shown you how special the day that you were born is to him and loved ones.

since you are starting a life with this special man, you should practice including him in your lupus management. i agree, i think it is a great idea to ask him if plans can include some rest time for you, and don't forget your sun protection.

can't wait to hear all of the fun details.....enjoy YOUR day, i hope you wake up and the lupus is gone for the day.

:fam21:

your family here will be celebrating with you.

Rastagirl
04-02-2009, 09:10 PM
Hi Amanda....

Hope your day tomorrow is filled with joyous memories and lots of fun!

Best wishes for a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY and many more to come!

:happy-birthday2: :071:

Enjoy..........

Lori :fest30:

sick n tired
04-02-2009, 09:58 PM
Happy Birthday, Hon

I do understand your viewpoint...I end up doing too much on a vacation, because my husband is so excited so we end up hiking(something I used to love) or something in the heat....but he is coming around.

Saysusie's advise for you is right on the money...it gives him the hint that he needs to go softly without you having to say you can't...Your fiance just needs to be taught what your limitations are...

All that said, Amanda...I hope you have a very happy birthday.

rob
04-03-2009, 04:33 AM
Happy Birthday Amanda! Honesty and being up-front will definitely help in this situation. Letting your fiancee know that you want to do all the things planned for you, but you may not be able to do all of them at once, will really help you both. Make sure he knows that you appreciate all he does, but that you have limitations on some days that dictate what you can, and cannot do. Like Saysusie said, breaking things up into more manageable chunks can really help. Hope you have fun regardless of how you are feeling.

Rob

Bonita
04-03-2009, 07:55 AM
Happy Birthday Amanda and i hope that you will enjoy whatever he does for you. :hug: I am sort of a newbie and enjoy the commonradery of this siteBonita

DrinkofWtr
04-03-2009, 09:06 AM
Just communicate with him and let him know that you may not be able to handle all of the things he has planned for you due to your lupus. Tell him not to be disappointed if you can't do it all and tell him that you really appreciate his thoughtfulness and the fact that he went to all this trouble for you. This way he has a forewarning and a chance to think about what you are telling him. Then go ahead and do what you can and don't feel guilty if you can't do it all. Remember it's not your fault that you can't be and do everything for everybody.

I have grappled with this problem for the last 5 years or so. Not only am I getting older and running out of steam, but I have lupus, fibromyalgia, the yeast connection, high blood pressure, many slips and falls in the past, and other health concerns. I think it's remarkable what we can do with this illness.

There are so many people here that are so brave, courageous, selfless, and optimistic on this website that I am in awe.

adl011
04-05-2009, 05:44 PM
Hey guys, thanks to all of you for the advice. It helped a lot. Also thanks for the birthday wishes. While we were traveling, I spoke with Bryant about taking things kinda easy, and he made sure to break things up instead of cramming them all in on Friday. We ended up have a weekend-long birthday celebration, which worked out a lot better. it was a lot of fun, and though I am tired now, I got to enjoy everything he had planned.

lucky7
04-05-2009, 05:52 PM
AWW, im so glad your weekend went good and you took the opportunity to talk to him during the car ride! :drive:Thats all we need to do with the people we care about and who care about us, be open and honest! Im really happy for you!

mountaindreamer
04-05-2009, 06:06 PM
welcome back adl011

so glad that you guys had that conversation and that it was obviously successful. you must have felt like the special princess all weekend....so happy for that.

happy birthday again. Rest and dream of the great birthday weekend that you had.

sick n tired
04-06-2009, 10:22 PM
Oh how nice Amanda...I was hoping that it would be a nice weekend for you....:yes: