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NoodleMom
03-17-2009, 03:51 PM
My daughter has PTSD with disociation and flashbacks stemming from her childhood b/4 we adopted her. She had been in the hosp all of last week. She came home Saturday evening. I knew that she was not stable when she got home. We ttok her to the ER on Sun.nite. They sent her home. We took her to her Psychiatrist today. There she admitted she was lying about hearing voices and having flashbacks and being suicidal.
So she is back in tonite. I am in a lot of emotional and physical pain now. My heart is breaking.
It has been a long day. Im going to try to take a bath tonite.

There is nothing I can do to help her NOTHING!!!!!:hissyfit::hissyfit::hissyfit:

K

Angel Oliver
03-17-2009, 03:57 PM
Oh Kasey,

You have done the right thing and she is in the best place where she can get the help she so urgently needs. It must be so upsetting for you and heartbreaking i understand that. Look at the love you are giving her, she's getting the help she needs now. You try and relax and have a bath.You can not do anything for her at home, so you have to try and rest too, she needs you well. I am sending you gentle hugs and i am here for you.Such a heartbreaking time......but she's getting help now.

love n hugs
Angel.xxxx

sits_inthe_corner
03-17-2009, 05:08 PM
Holding you in a gentle hug Kasey

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

How old is your daughter? She is were she needs to be for now. Hopefully she will find what she needs to cope.

Life can throw so many unfair things at us. It's the strength and caring of the people we love that helps us through.

mountaindreamer
03-17-2009, 05:14 PM
hi kasey,

i hope you are soaking in a huge hot bath right now. you have made some very difficult parental decisions, and i send you gentle hugs. i hope your daughter gets the help she needs, and that you get the peace that you deserve.

please be kind to yourself during this difficult time.

NoodleMom
03-17-2009, 06:05 PM
Thanks Hannah is 17. She has been with us since she was 9. Thats 8 years now. My heart just breaks for her. She is such a sweet girl. Is so very kind and cares about everyone. She has been my right arm for so long.

Kasey

tasha
03-17-2009, 06:13 PM
You and your daughter are in my thoughts and I hope you will get through this and come out on top!

I might be slightly biased since I'm studying to be a family therapist.. but have you considered getting family therapy? It can be so helpful.

BonusMom
03-17-2009, 06:37 PM
Seventeen is a difficult time for young adults. Then you add in a traumatic childhood, it's even more difficult. Thank goodness your daughter has you and your husband to love and protect her now.

Be kind to yourself and remember the importance of your staying as stress free and healthy as possible. Your daughter needs you to be strong.

Please keep us updated on her condition.

Rastagirl
03-17-2009, 10:19 PM
Gentle HUGS Kasey...I am praying earnestly for your daughter and for you. I'm not sure if what I have to offer is helpful at all, but I'll share in hopes of letting you know your daughter is in the exact right place she needs to be at this moment.....

When I was 18 and very shortly after my diagnosis of Lupus, I had my first hospital admit for extremely high fevers and needed mega steroids IV. The hospital took me down off the steriods way too fast to get me to an oral dose, and then when I was home my family doc tapered way too quickly and I went through a steroid psychosis.

Over a 2 week period, I began to go schizophrenic. First I shut out the world, couldn't deal with anything and I began to spend hours all by myself sitting in the corner of my bed against the wall. I started hearing voices (that I equated with Satan) and at first they told me not to trust anybody. Gradually the voices convinced me that I must tell lies to protect myself. No matter what question people asked me, I could not tell the truth. It was the strangest feeling. Then the voices started telling me I was worthless and I should killl myself. It is amazing to me when I look back now, how vulnerable our mind is to outside influences...even when I was a very strong willed person.

I will not give all the details, but I am alive today only because my Mom knew something was wrong. She could tell I was going inward...trying to shut out the world and be alone and she fought hard for that to not happen. One day she went on a quick run to the grocery store and while she was gone, the voices convinced me to go to the bathroom and get out my dad's razor blades. I stood there for a very long time fighting hard to stop the voices. I shudder when I think of it now, but I was right at the moment of cutting my wrists when my mom got home and walked in the bathroom. She quickly took my hand with the razor and asked what I was doing. At that moment, the little bit of normalcy that was left in my mind came through and I told her I was hearing voices that were telling me to kill myself. A part of me DID NOT WANT TO DIE!

I remember this like it was yesterday....she dropped her purse off her arm, carefully removed the razor from my hand, and hugged me tightly and said we're going to get help to stop the voices. She walked me out to the car, didn't even shut the front door and drove me straight to my family doctor's office, where she walked right past the receptionist and straight to my doctor who was sitting at his desk. Within an hour, I was sitting in a psychiatrist's office and an hour later I was admitted to the hospital. My doc and my Mom didn't want me in lockup in a psychiatry ward because of my age, so I went to the local hospital and was put in the isolation unit right next to the nurse's station....the room with windows all around it. I spent the entire month of March in that hospital, I remember cuz we had my father's birthday in my hospital room. I saw the psychiatrist twice daily and I was put on Thorazine, an extremely strong med for psychosis that turns you into a zombie that can only function with someone's help. Over that month, I experienced horrible hallucinations...snakes coming out of the wall, bright sun and blue sky in the middle of the night...it was horrible.

But through it all, I can tell you for sure, that without my Mother who spent every waking moment at my hospital bedside and slept many nights next to it, I would have given up....I would not be here!! When all hell broke loose in my mind and my world, the one thing that was my ROCK, that I could always count on, that I knew would make everything better, was MY MOM!!!

Kasey, you are that rock for your daughter. There is nothing more precious and tangible in this world than the LOVE a devoted Mother has for her child. Just to know that my Mom was there no matter what...day after day....and her Love was unfailing and neverending was what got me through all the horribleness. When my world fell apart and I thought I would die, my 'everything' was held together by my Mom sitting next to my hospital bed and knitting or hooking a rug or reading to me. Sometimes I couldn't handle her saying or doing anything, so she would just sit next to my bed in silence with a gentle smile on her face. I will never, ever forget that.

I'll have to finish now....tears are streaming down my face....

Sorry this got so long, Kasey, but I wanted you to know that my heart is aching for you and your beautiful daughter. She WILL get through this because she has YOU. Just Love her the way I know you do, let her know you would do anything for her, and you will both get through this.

I will not stop praying until I hear she is better.....Stay strong and please take extra special care of yourself right now at this vulnerable time. Just as others have said, she needs her mother to be well.

Please keep us updated through all of this....

Most Fondly....and with Love,

Lori :heart:

Pretti in Pink
03-18-2009, 04:07 AM
I believe Rasatgirl summed it up very well and that was an awesome testimony of a mother's law and her strength as well. But I wanted to let you know that you and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers.

rob
03-18-2009, 10:10 AM
Hi Kasey,

I'm sorry your daughter Hannah is doing OK. I'm sending you a PM, check your inbox when you get a chance.

Rob

lucky7
03-18-2009, 12:45 PM
Hi Kasey I just wanted to tellyou that youre in my thoughts. Youre a great person to have adopted her at age 9. Thats a difficult age to adopt out. Shes very LUCKY to have you in her life,someone who is there for her and truely cares. You will get through this, its very overwhelming im sure. I wish you and your daughter the best. HUGS to both of you.

sick n tired
03-18-2009, 01:04 PM
hey kasey,

How heartbreaking...my heart is going out to you and your daughter...but I have to agree. Lori seems to have said it all...I will be in prayer for you, hubby and daughter.

rob
03-19-2009, 08:07 AM
Kasey,

On the last page, I meant to say that I'm sorry to hear your daughter Hannah is NOT doing OK. Looks like the dreaded Lethologica strikes again. I hope she's doing alright, and you too. I read about your fall. Go easy on yourself and heal.

Rob

Rastagirl
03-19-2009, 09:30 AM
Hi Kasey....

Just checking in to see how your daughter is doing. I hope some progress is being made and that she will be back with you and your family soon.

Sending you hugs and prayers for strength to get through this......

On my prayer list....Hannah is right there at the #1 spot. (and you are, as well)

Fondly,

Lori :heart:

NoodleMom
03-20-2009, 11:36 AM
Lori, Thank you so much. We are so blessed by the many prayer warriors who have gone to battle aGAINST SATAN through their prayers.
We are having to make some very difficult decisions about her continued care.

K

Rastagirl
03-21-2009, 12:24 AM
Your welcome.....I'll pray that God keeps you in His tender care as you make each decision....and for a hedge of protection around your daughter.

Hang in there Kasey...

Lori :heart:

mountaindreamer
03-21-2009, 11:26 AM
hi kasey,

please know that you, your family, and your daughter are receiving prayers in georgia also. each day, i send angels your way. hope things are going ok.

NoodleMom
03-21-2009, 11:51 AM
Oh thank you so much. My heart is hurting right now. Most of the time tho I am able to function. We are going to see her tomorrow for a family therapy session.

K

hatlady
03-21-2009, 12:35 PM
Oh Kasey, I'm so sorry to hear she's having such difficulties. You are both in my thoughts and prayers - - I'm so glad she has a mom as strong as you -

mountaindreamer
03-22-2009, 09:01 AM
kasey,
\
you know that if you want, any or all of us will be happy to help you in whatever way we can.

NoodleMom
03-22-2009, 02:29 PM
Both HubbyMan and I have been praying for discernment the past few days wrt Butterfly. Something is just off. Please please pray that God would protect us and our family. Send a hedge of protection around us all. Help us to not for a second allow us to let our guard down. He is our rock. Hhe is her rock. The warrior angels and the guardian angels need to be fully surrounding us.

Thank you Jesus for your protection. We know Father that You are the truth, That You are the light, That you are our saviour.

We went to see her today. Things just are not right with her.
Oh Lord please hear our prayer. Give us guidance and wisdom. Help us Lord as we try to help her.

Thank you Jesus for loving us.

K

mountaindreamer
03-22-2009, 02:39 PM
oh kasey,

i am soooo sorry. my prayers are definitely with you and your family.

Saysusie
03-23-2009, 01:01 PM
I am truly sorry and will, most certainly, keep you and your family in my prayers.

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie

Angel Oliver
03-23-2009, 05:43 PM
As such loving parents she is in the most safe environment for her illness, whatever it may be.She will be cared for and loved.You know something isnt right with her.Its because she is sick.They know what they are doing and are so patient and will get to the bottom of it.It just takes time.Yes she'll be scared, but at the same time will know she has a loving family who care for her.She'll know she's getting help.No matter how bad....they will help her.In time....with their help.....she'll come back.But not just yet.Her mind needs to process everything, her emotions needs to adjust. They'll help her. AND we all are saying prayers for you all.It must be such a distressing time now....but in time just you wait and see.

Love and hugs and all my thoughts
Angel.xxx

NoodleMom
03-25-2009, 02:00 PM
We have made the decision that she will have to be placed in a Residential facility. It was a sad day. She is not doing well. We have done all we can at home for her. I am heartbroken and have broken out in hives on my stomach and face. I feel like im giving up on my kid.

K

K

Danica01
03-25-2009, 03:01 PM
Oh Kasey, my heart hurts for you right now. What a hard decision you have had to make but remember you made it with love and only thinking of what is best for your daughter. Now the decision has been made you need to take of you so that you can keep fighting for your daughter. I am sending you healing thoughts, both physical and emotional. You will be in my thoughts everyday until you are all doing better. With a sad heart I say good bye for now but remember we are always here for you!

mountaindreamer
03-25-2009, 04:01 PM
oh kasey,

nothing causes pain like parenthood. so sorry that you have had to do this. please know that angels are being sent your way, and try to take care of yourself. the strength that you have had to maintain throughout this process is more than anyone can truly understand, just know we are here for you.

cherokee993
03-25-2009, 05:43 PM
I am praying for you all, Hugs!

cheryl_v
03-25-2009, 07:20 PM
Hi Kasey, just wondering how you and Hannah were doing. Its hard raising kids and making choices, especially for one with a bad childhood past. Speaking from experience, I've been that child. I just wanted you to know she will appreciate everything your doing now later. I thanked all those who helped me along my journey of recovery, I'm sure it wasn't easy at times. It just takes becoming an adult and living on your own before you notice how much someone has done for you when you were younger. Then its actually a bit hard to just bring it up and say thanks. Trust me, she appreciates it all. May not understand yet, that comes later. Hang in there, troubled kids just need more love at times. You are doing great. Need more parents like you. When I was in a foster home for a bit, I just knew their were good parents out there. Nice to see it really is true, thanks for being there for this girl and the others.

NoodleMom
03-27-2009, 08:17 AM
Sigh. I am just exhausted. Both emotionally and physically. We saw Hannah again yesterday. We talked with her therapist alone first. He told us that he has learned so much from us because of all the research and the fact that we have lived this rollercoaster life now for two years.

With our insurance she gets only 30 days hospitalization for MI (mental illness). We also found out that they do not cover any residential care. We have zero coverage. Im not sure how God is going to work this one out but I am interested to see how He will do it. We definitely cannot afford the monthly fee/tuition for residential care. We are applying for Social Security and disability for her. She will be able to get Medicaid then. we will have to As a last resort make her a ward of the court. We wouldnt give up all parental rights tho.

She will be discharged soon. We have a lead on a very possible placement for her. They do have the capabilities to handle her MI. It is in our town so she would be close by. I am really not wanting her to have to me far away from us. I imagine that even tho she understand why she cant come home there is somewhere inside her that feels like she is being abandoned again, this time by us.

Rasta...oh boy I have been racking my brain trying to remember who I wanted to respond to since last weekend I guess. Then yesterday I was reading thru all the replies on this thread and when I read your long post about your experience with MI, it popped right out from the murky depths of my foggy brain. It was you who I was so wanting to respond to. :yes:
Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I do appreciate your viewpoint as well as your moms. Hearing from the child who had experienced something very similar to Hannahs situation was very helpful. It helps me to hear your side. Your mom can be extra proud and blessed. You are an awesome person and a strong one too. It takes a lot of hard work to pull yourself thru something like that.
I also hear you saying to me that I am Hannahs champion. I am championing for her. Funny thing is I was told this over and over again in the past couple of years. It did sink in b/4 but I guess I needed to hear it once again.
Thank you Lori for sharing your story and your heart with me.

We have some serious needs here for prayer and practical.

First that God would help us find the right placement for her.
If that placement is New Horizen that He would cause everything to fall in place and as He has in the past that He would make it abundantly clear to us.

Finances. I am not sure yet what the fee/tuition is going to be. I do know that whatever it is we will be way short.
SSI, Disability and Medicaid are thing we are going to be looking into and applying for. Please pray that she qualifies and that the process is quick.

For Hannahs heart. I so want her to feel our love and know that we are not "Leaving" her, that we are not sending her away. I also want her to know in her heart that we will always love her and be her Mom and Dad. That will never change.

For us as we navigate this road. Peace, wisdom,careful thought and His Comforting Arms to fall into at the end of the day.

Thanks Kasey

Rastagirl
04-24-2009, 05:19 PM
Hi Kasey...

I just read thru this thread again and wanted to check in on you. I went thru all of the needs you outlined and prayed earnestly for each one.

I'm sure hoping to hear some good news...some progress for Hannah. I think of her late at night sometimes and hope she's not scared or in anguish...I ask God to never leave her side thru all of this...to let Hannah feel His presence and His Love.

Have things worked out for the SSI or her living situation? I've been praying for God to work out all the details so everything will fall into place for you and your family.

Sending you HUGS of compassionate understanding to let you know you are not alone as you go thru this....though I am far from you in miles...my heart is reaching out to touch yours with Love. :hug:

I'm truly hoping for a miracle...even a little light at the end of this tunnel for you...to increase your hope and give you perserverance to continue the fight.

You, Kasey, are in my daily prayers.

Hugs and much Love,

Lori :heart:

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

maguadalupe
04-24-2009, 06:06 PM
hello, kasey sorry about your daughter i will keep you and your daughter in my prays . god bless you and your daughter maria

AyahsClan
04-24-2009, 09:08 PM
Kasey, there is one more out here praying for you and your daughter. From your first post it was so painful to read and know what you are going through, I couldn't type any words that I thought could possibly lift you up.

The pain is beyond words but as Rasta wrote, the love of her mother made all the difference. I suffered terrible PTSD from being victimized throughout childhood and my teen years, but no one cared or could help me. It is only by the direct hand of God that I survived, but at my age, I still hurt, am quirky as heck, and will never trust anyone but God. I have had psychoanalysis and PTSD counseling.

It would have changed my life and saved me years of the deepest despair and MI to have had a mother with your heart. If I had had just one person who cared or tried to reach out to me it would have saved me years of dangerous behavior and bad choices.

You wrote; "For Hannahs heart. I so want her to feel our love and know that we are not "Leaving" her, that we are not sending her away. I also want her to know in her heart that we will always love her and be her Mom and Dad. That will never change."

Your love shines through in your words. When she is well, she will know and believe this. I just can't express what I am feeling, just know that your love is blessing her in ways you may not see right now.

May Jesus intervene and turn this sorrow to joy. May He open the door and protect your daughter as she travels through it. Father, rain blessings down on this family.

NoodleMom
04-25-2009, 04:20 AM
First I want to say thank you to all who have Hannah and I on their hearts. I have no words to express how much that means to both Hannah and me. You all have been so wonderful and supportive.

Hannah is at home now and is recovering well. She is in school half days now. While she is not thriving she is managing. We are in the waiting process now with the medicaid and disability. We have a placement for her but she cannot go until the medicaid kicks in. It is my prayer that things move expediently in this situation. Hannah needs structure and more intense therapy. She is seeing a trauma therapist 1x per week for one hour. It is not enuf. She is relatively stable but still needs more than we can do here at home. Her trust and openness in HubbyMan and I has decreased. It is painful to watch but it is what it is.

Having her here in the interim has been rough. I am sinking into a depression now and am always on the verge of tears. My heart hurts for her but at the same time I feel so frustrated and guilty because I want her to be placed sooner than later. The rest of my family is suffering. Kids are having a tough time and yet I see them forging onward. They are not seeming to be stuck in this darkness. My youngest is eight and he has become more aware of what Hannahs illness is about. He told me the other day that he doesnt like to be around Hannah because he has a weird feeling or feels weird. I gave him "permission" to feel however he feels and that it is okay to feel what he feels. My heart breaks for Hannah and him. They had such a bond before and I see it cracking now.

Its hard here at home and I hurt so badly for my kids. For all of them. In one way or another they are all hurting. I dont like what Hannahs illness has and is doing to us.

Lots of tears right now.
K

Angel Oliver
04-25-2009, 07:01 AM
Oh Kasey,

I feel for you all.But please knw all what is hapening with all the family and the 'feeling' are quite normal.You all have to adjust to a different environment.Everyone doesnt know what to say for the best,everyone walking on eggshells,all worrying about each other.Its so much to deal with.But you ALL will adjust in time.You All WILL get through this.TIME is the key here!
Hannah will learn to understand how and what she is dealing with.You all will then learn to live in this atmosphere.Before you know it,Hannah will get the care she needs and you all will feel better because she is feeling better.
When a child gets so ill and goes through what Hannah is going through,its so difficult and yes will feel like the family is falling apart.But its not.It is all very normal what you are all experiencing my friend.You all need to cry and deal with this new and horrible situation.But i wanted you to know Kasey.....THIS WILL PASS ALSO.
In Time, you will all look back on this horrible frightening time and be stronger as a family. Just take one day at a time.A member of you family is now so different from what you all remember.She will learn to deal with her illness and will get such great help from the medical staff.You wont believe this will happen....but she will get better in time.
I am glad she is home and i am so sorry you are all having a hard time at the moment.But you have to believe me.....this will get better. Keep me informed or message me anytime.I am always sending you all good positive vibes out always!
Keep strong,get those tears out....your family will get through this!!

love and support and hugs to you all.
Angel.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pretti in Pink
04-27-2009, 04:12 PM
Kasey,

I can't say that I know what you're going through but as a mother I understand you hurting when your child(ren) hurt. I am praying for you and your family and I know GOD will intervene just when you need him most.

Angel Oliver
04-27-2009, 04:16 PM
Yes and i re read what i wrote. I dont have any answers and im no Doctor on what your daughter is going through.....but myself and others i know who have been through very similar have got better.This is what i wanted to put but i waffled on a bit. Just trying to send out positivity to you so you know there is a light at the end of a very distressing tunnel.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx