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BonusMom
02-27-2009, 01:59 PM
As we have all experienced the pitfalls of the medical profession, I thought you'd appreciate this funny..........

These are actual notes typed by medical secretaries in patient reports:

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: -Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Have a Fabulous Friday!

rob
02-27-2009, 02:19 PM
Oh Man, the "Circus Sized" one made me spill my drink laughing. And a rectal exam that revealed a healthy thyroid. In this part of the country we have a saying-"You can't get there from here", and I think it applies in this case!

sick n tired
02-27-2009, 05:16 PM
Hey Bonus Mom,

You actually made me laugh out loud...most of those were hilarious...I am wondering how the patient felt after the rectal exam that went al the way up to the thyroid. Actually, I can't pick my favorite because most of them were hilarious...Thank you, I really needed that. :-)

Rastagirl
02-27-2009, 10:54 PM
Oh man...those were priceless... Made me laugh out loud too.

The Circus-sized one...Seen in the ER, X-rated and sent home...Alive, but without my permission...Pelvic exam will take place later on the floor ....

Just kept laughing harder all the way through....

Thanks so much, Bonusmom...that was a fun read.

Lori :)

sick n tired
02-27-2009, 11:00 PM
Hey Bonusmom,

I copied and sent to all my friends via email...Those are the funniest that I have seen in a long time. I am going to save them and when I'm down I will read them again and pretend it is for the first time. :-)

kducks
02-28-2009, 10:02 PM
Oh my I was laughing so hard I was crying at these.

Angel Oliver
03-01-2009, 08:40 AM
Lol....oh so funny.I was crying to begin with then actually laughing and crying at the end....thanks for that.....sounds like one of my doctors reports :)

love
Angel.xx

mnjodette
03-01-2009, 08:16 PM
Priceless....absolutely priceless.....

Thanks for the lift!

mountaindreamer
03-01-2009, 09:14 PM
love all of them,,,,,will definitely bring laughter next time i am drs. office and think what they might be writing in my chart.

Rastagirl
03-01-2009, 09:23 PM
Love your avatar pic!

What a lovely picture of you.

:) :)

Lori

BonusMom
03-01-2009, 09:26 PM
Thanks, Lori!

Spanglishqueen
03-02-2009, 07:58 AM
That was hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh Bonus :)