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View Full Version : update - my valentimes day hell...narrowboatnutter



narrowboatnutter
02-21-2009, 05:15 PM
sorry peeps, i couldnt post onto the thead for some reason - but nevermind!!!

( to make sense to those of you that havnt read the thread, i got dumped on valentines day, had ' the chat' yesturday, and am having a few issues coping with the loss of it at the mo....which has surprised me greatly!!!)

thank you for your words of comfort and support!!! we had our chat, it wasnt really about my illness... which is a good thing! it was about fear of all things. he has come out of a long term realship a year ago, it was a nasty break up and he fears being hurt again. he is confused and seems to not know what he wants at the mo. he said the break up has really upset him more than he thought it would and kept saying ' what am i doing' all the way though. this is because we really get on like a house on fire, always have an amazing time, and like all the same things...as well as other things! the whole thing is about him not gettintg hurt again. and what makes this worse if that we had a short term dating thing when we were teenagers and i left suddenly with no explaination or anything. he has asked me alot why i did this, but i went into a ligth coma during my first flare ( it was 2 months in hospital and i almost died of that one ) and some of my memory has dissappeared and that event was one of them! i kinda of just relised that while posting this so i will ask him to forgive me incase my past poor treatment of him effects out freindship. im sercretly hoping that such an action will rid him of the fear of being hurt and we can start over again....but thats because i am heartbroken over this so thats a natural reaction to it i guess, stage 1 of getting over a break up is - denial!!!!! and ive got it written all over me at the mo!!!!

he missed his train last nigth so stayed over. bad timing for my immune system but it has alreadly started to react to this, i had chest pains,fever, near vomiting, insommia and imflammtion of the eye ( uvetits ) starting up that nigth. i kept telling him i had a cold recently and thats what was causing it! i dont want him to know it is because of the break up that most likely the main cause...as stress and these conditions dont seem to like each other much! he was so very sweet, he was very concerned and offered any help he could and if i ever needed anything to ask. we of course are going to hang out as friends and have already discussed a few things we can do.

i think i have just almost completely lost the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and its sort of killing me. i never even knew i cared this much for him until now! at least we are going to be friends so it changes rathers than the end. when he gets a new girlfriend it gonna rip me abit inside i think......but i must get over this, and move on, cos i dont want to be heartbroken and if i stay heartbroken then i will be less of a friend to him and migth even one day lose that as well. i hate that coma, there r so many things that i have forgotten and can never remember.....but the people from my past do of course and it makes things very odd somethings, and this is one of thoses times. he has asked me quite alot about what happened when we were younger and last nigth i only found out what i did to him then - no wonder he has dumped me, how can someone trust someone in a dating thing again when they have done that to them. i just wish i could tell him why but i cant! because i dont know either!!

so thats the update really. i must stop crying soon as i know i must be chilled and calm to prevent a bad flare, i was so ill all of 2008 that i must stablise. my doc's have said to me that the rollorcoaster ride my life seems to take at every second turn is fueling all the major flares and my flare cycles, which r a small level flare every 2 weeks and major ones occuring at every 6-9 months at present. i promised them i would lead a calmer life and not get myself into any situations like this until i am stable, but i did, and now i can feel a nasty level flare coming on and i am so embrassed. they will go though the normal ' what caused the flare this time' check list and i dont want to have to tell them i have had another failed dating thing, cos thats caused the last few and im feeling like such a failure!

i should really go to hospital 2mor for my uvetits flare....all my blood vessels in my eyes are busting open abit, they give me pred forte eye drops to take when my eyes to that as an emergancy measure....and then i have to go straigth to hospital becuase on the first flare i went totally blind in one eye, almost totally blind in the other, they thought i would lose my sigth in one eye and retain about 70 % in the less bad one. my lose of sigth was very fast, within days in fact so thats why i have to be so careful.Thank God - that didnt happen, i can see fine these days and it was God in my view that returned my sigth to me. but i am so embrassed and ashamed that this is another one of 'my unstable life issues' that i didnt go today ..... ive put in the drops so its better. i just want to stay in and gather strength, i hate it when flare stuff makes u have to go to hopsital when all u wanna do is be on ur own and work out where ur head is at and how i feel - i mean non sick people can do that but with these types of illnesses when the stress hits , so do our flares so u end up having to spill the beans of ur life all the time to people because of the flare - stress stuff and i wished i could stop making such a great big mess of my life and just have a peaceful time and have some good stuff happen to me for abit. maybe i am never going be able to be successful at any dating thing and maybe i should just give up and resign myself to being a single women with cats ( i already have 3!! ), cos its so hard when things go wrong and i am far to tried of being heartbroken and having major flares now - that maybe i should just stick to being on my own so at least this sort of stuff cant happen anymore!!! sorry for going on and on again......ive only just started to really discuss this with anyone, and its helping to get it all out of me!!!! thanks for listening, narrowboatnutter xxxxx

sick n tired
02-21-2009, 05:22 PM
awww narrowboatnutter...I am so sorry this has happened to you...I can't make it better but maybe a firm cyber hug would help...ready? ...squeeze...
It might make you upset when he finds another person, but what about when you find someone? he might then realize what he has lost...you have much to offer...

Angel Oliver
02-21-2009, 05:31 PM
Oh i feel for you.

Please do not worry about sharing this, like you said it is much better to discuss all this than keeping all this inside.

It always hurts in any break up.And please do not think you are going to be single all of your life just because you are sick. No way. Maybe for now at least, you need time to grieve for this love. I know it hurts so bad and i know others on this forum are going through similar stuff. You imagine, noone will ever love me cause i am sick....im better being single.....for now maybe.But in time when you least expect it.....someone will sweep you off your feet, even if you have decided now you are going to stay single.

I know how painful break ups can be. It will take time to recover from this and it is good you are crying and getting it all out. We will all try and help you through this. We are all here for you.

I know what you mean, you would rather be alone and deal with this pain, instead of getting a flare and going into hospital. You just keep coming here, getting it all out.Hopefully the flare will not be as bad fingers crossed.You are dealing with it and not sitting in silence. I suppose its good you are staying friends.But i understand the worry of when he gets a girlfriend.But you may get a boyfriend first..you dont know. Try not to think so far ahead. You dont know what tomorrow will bring.

I am so sorry these are only words on a page....but i hope somehow, something here helps even if just a little. I wish i could hug you right now and tell you it will be ok...but you would'nt believe me. Keep strong and most of all keep posting.xxx

Lots of love
Angel.xxx

iseedeadmonkeys
02-21-2009, 05:39 PM
Im a bit gutted really tbh with you, you dint even get back to me on all this, i understand now thats you dint wanna talk, but i am on the end of a phone line?! we aint seen each other since christmas day why is that?, partly for the reason we have both suffered from our flares and it seems to clash when we are both up for going to lord luis!! but if you want me to come up and see you i will forget the pain im in sounds like your worse off than me anyway! how is the dark side btw? have you seen Angie i know she has mentioned you to Kirst a few times who then tells me :(

Im sorry your relationship with J didnt work out, but its good that you can still talk, Rake do you rememeber what you told me when we first met?
You said to me that i shouldnt be disheartened that im single, im ill and one day the right girl will come into my life and understand the lupus and me and how life goes with it, so im throwing that back at you really, like you said he "recently came out of a long term relationship" just take things easy for a while, you dont need this stress right now mate you have soo much going on in your life not just the illness either, you know what i mean!

Anyway thats it really just a quick note to let you know im here, i always am and i always will be :)

much love to you, moby the bear, daisy and petal

Chillage in OUR village
xxx

Angel Oliver
02-21-2009, 06:16 PM
You ok reading these posts nbn ? xx

narrowboatnutter
02-21-2009, 06:37 PM
hiya all, thanks for all your word. sorry isdm that i didnt call, ive only just started to be able to talk about all this...... so its nothing personnel, its just the way i am built! when i get sad, i cant think words but only pictures so i have to do alot of pictures before the words come out if u know what i mean! i will come to u if u like...i didnt relise its been since xmas that we saw each other, time just seems to fly and yeap we do seem to have our bad days on the same days which inst too good!! i can come to u, as i have the panda and its too far to walk for me so im guessing it will be too far to walk for u!!!

i am sorry peeps, i wanted to reply to each of u, but i have brain fog and im forgetting what has been posted and i cant see the theard from my reply screen, so i will do my best too. thanks angel i can see the screen o.k - its just in 1 eye at the mo...and i read ur doctors visit nitemare and i am very sorry u had to go though that....i would change g.p's...my friend had simliar issues with her old one, and was also scared that she would be treated the same, but her new g.p said that they had heard silmar stories of peeps coming out of the doc's and she is now being treated with care, kindness and respect like she should have been in the 1st place and m.e and c.f.s are the same illness so why ur g.p went off on u about that is beyond me!!!

to everyone who says i shouldnt give up on dating....i guess u r rigth, ive never had much luck with it though but amybe once the hurt has healed i will fell better!!!

Angel Oliver
02-21-2009, 06:51 PM
Just think of it as learning. You have learnt so much from the last relationship and so WHEN you go into the next one.....it will be so much better. I believe we meet certain people in our lives for a reason. At the time yes we think ''this is the one''. But they are put in front of us for us to learn something.It may not be good lessons and they may hurt.....but then we have learnt something. If you would not have met this guy, you would have had to still learnt this lesson with someone else. Oh i confused myself here lol...hope you know what i mean.

Basically, when the time is right and you have done your grieving.....you WILL meet the right one...just wait and see. We will not allow you to give up....you deserve someone in your life with you...but when you are ready...no rush at all.

Well yes, i too was told by my rheumi i have M.E/chronic fatigue syndrome. So i think.....when i told my gp i had Lupus he now believed i was really sick. I didnt want it of course, but he treated me properly. When i told him it was now back to M.E.....he seemed to lose all interest.As you know M.E is not believed by many doctors.They truly believe its in the head. Even though it really is a true illness. How could they imagine i would go from a life of swimming, white water rafting, dancing, singing, clubbing......to be housebound...is just madness.

I hope you feel a bit better knowing we are all here for you.

Love
Angel.xxx

narrowboatnutter
02-21-2009, 07:09 PM
thanks ..it has helped knowing everyone here is here for me!!! i guess one of the reasons i am so upset and confused as this whole thing was meant to be a ligth, fun thing and me and him have had a recent history of nitemares with dating and stuff. i am still divorcing my husband who i had to leave via the womens aid refufe system if u know what i mean. the stress of that caused such a high level flare, that ive never been able to walk without either a stick or crutches since so i didnt want anything to heavy and neither did he. there has been menthions of the word love and stuff in people replies, i guess i am reacting with this hurt like i love him, i dont think i do, but i do know that what i now know to be the level of my feelings for him are far deeper than i ever guessed they were. this whole thing has upset the both of us more than we thought it would. one thing i have learned is fun, ligth realionships are not worth it, because u can end up caring for them more than u should and then end up where i am at the moment!!! r u rigth angel we live and learn and i do also think people come into our lives for a reason and a purpose!!!

i have heard that some doc's think m.e isnt a real illness....there was a boater on a the river who has m.e - and i have seen 1st hand what it has done to him!!!! it is real and a terrible illness...and made far worse by some doc's reactiuons to it. is there a m.,e support group in your area, maybe u can connect them and see if they know of g.p's in your area that understand m.e and therefore will be able to treat u correctly.

love n stuff nbn xxx

Angel Oliver
02-21-2009, 07:13 PM
No. I have joined an M.E group a bit like this, they are lovely but miles away. None in my area that i know of yet anyway. My nurse is going to look into it for me.

You hang in there and thanks.xxx

narrowboatnutter
02-21-2009, 08:48 PM
..... i have also realised that i have un dealt with grief realting to my nans death 3 years ago, which i think is upping the upset level, maybe because ive not dealt with it, some of my grieve is being channeled into this more recent loss. she wasnt just my nan, she was also like my mum, and my bestest friend i have ever had. she used to live with us when i was little as my mum was unwell and needed help to look after me, and really ive never felt that close to anyone in my life before. i thinks thats a big factor in all this, and that valentines day was a special date for us, we had certain traditions we would always do so i think all this happening at the same time, with me not even 1 per cent over the death of my nan is one reason for my high level of upset! i have decided maybe i should go to thearpy about this. since she died i have been very much worse in my illness than before....before i was almost stable and now my illness seems completey unstable! maybe the resolved grieve is causing background stress which is unstablizing my condition!

thanks again everyone for ur kind words and support!!!

iseedeadmonkeys
02-22-2009, 05:16 AM
Thats cool man, :D
il be in contact soon, soo much to tell you too

keep it reasl my love

ISDM
xxx

Angel Oliver
02-22-2009, 05:48 AM
Hi how are you today? I hope you are ok.

Yes i think therapy is the best route to help you with the grief of your Gran.I also realise, yes this recent incident is triggering your memories and the pain must be raw. Until you get your appointment, we are here and you just keep chatting. Its a very sad time for you......but one day in time, it will get better for you.

Love
Angel.xxx

iseedeadmonkeys
02-22-2009, 07:46 AM
I thought i had replaied to this??

ok mate we will catch up soon

take care
xx

DrinkofWtr
02-24-2009, 08:09 AM
Break ups are the worse. I broke up with a guy I had been going with for over 5 years. I though I would never get over it(the break up was a mutual thing too). Time was a healer though and I did get over it. It took a little time. I eventually found someone else. Just hang in there and you will get through this. It is okay to grieve the loss, if you need too.