View Full Version : I feel like im losing myself

02-09-2009, 08:49 AM

I am very spiritual and praying is what i do when im happy or sad, and i am the one everyone calls when they are sad or need advice, but i am finding myself needing someone to talk to or needing advice and i dont have anyone for that. I feel like i am loosing myself, i cry sometimes for no reason or just get really depressed for a few days and then it goes away. On top of all that, i work full time and go to school full time so i am always tired too. Everyone thinks i am so strong minded that they forget i am human too, my feelings get hurt too, i need comfort too. It is almost uncontrollable, I dont know what to do. My mother usually comforts me but this time nothings working. I just feel as if no one really understands and i do not like calling people because they have their own problems to work out..... i just dont know what to do....P.U.S.H.

02-09-2009, 10:17 AM
Gentle hugs to ya purplepinkgirl

You made a very good step by sharing here on the board. That tells me you want and need comforting. That's half the battle right there.

Sometimes there isn't much anyone else can "do". But listening, sharing and keeping company sure does help alot.

Letting people know that you need them is never easy to do, and it hurts when it's shrugged off.

I know you're running on empty right now...just hang on by your fingernails ... keep chatting with us, keep you mom close.

Something usually comes along when I need it most to boost my spirits, or I finally feel kindly enough towards myself to seek out what I need.

My favorit prayer is the serenity prayer. Helps me to sort out what I have the power to change and what I can turn over to god and what I just have to accept.

Lord help me to accept the things I can not change, give me the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Nothing worse than banging your head against a brick wall thinking you open it up, just to find out you should have walked around it :lol:

Hope you find what you need soon to sooth your spirit.

In the mean time...hang out with us :B-fly:

02-09-2009, 10:41 AM
Hang in there! I am sending good juju your way!

I, too, have felt exactly like you! I have always been so strong according to my friends and have been thru so much such as being a single mom, putting myself thru nursing school and some really crappy medical stuff like PE, etc. and somehow always remained stoic and a rock to everyone around me.

I freaked my best friend since middle school out calling her one day saying I am ready to cash it in and give up the fight. I am just so sick of having to fight so hard just to get an inch and then slip back a foot more! My usually stoic front and levelheadedness has been replaced by outbursts of emotion that are at times overreactions and inappropriate to the situation at hand. She was bawling and just started calling all our friends as she has NEVER seen me like I have been lately.

I just think the stress of it all is getting to us, and the emotional liability of having a chronic illness or illnesses just wears the body down really bad.

I am thinking of trying yoga and other relaxation techniques as something has to change.

I do know the past week, I have been okay and not felt so much like chicken little and my sky is falling!

Anytime you someone to vent to, feel free to PM me and I promise I will be there for you!

Angel Oliver
02-09-2009, 10:52 AM

Sending you a gentle hug and to say well done for telling us. Like everyone are saying...keep coming here and offload some of that stress...we can take it off your shoulders to make your journey lighter. We all have suffered and suffer from depression at some time....it has a mind of its own and sometimes you can not control your emotions. Im well known for crying when i laugh, but i carnt remember the last time i had a good belly laugh....so now im well known for the girl who cries when they say hello to me lol :) Who cares.....if a cry is what my body wants its certainly gonna get it. I hope you feel a little better soon. Have you told your Doctor how you feel? Maybe if you feel you can talk to him or her, they too maybe able to help you.
Sending you love n hugs.

02-09-2009, 11:04 AM
Thank you all so very much for the comfort, I try to always stay positive and laugh often but at times it does get hard. I see my rheumy every 2 mos, and i am just now down to 5mg of prednisone starting at 60mg jan of 08. i want to be off the steroids and if i tell him he will not take me off and maybe increase back to 7.5 or 10. So i am going to try different things to see what can help. Thank you again and may god continue to bless you all.

02-09-2009, 04:37 PM
hi purplepinkgirl,

I really think you should speak with your rheumy about this depression. It is not permanent, and you will find yourself looking back on it, but you should be up front with your team. I don't know if steroids are even used for depression. I went through a really bad time with depression a couple of months ago. Luckily, I have a few very good friends that I can call and just sob such a pity party for myself. Makes me feel better, and a couple of days later, I call and say thanks for being there, and I am better. If you want, any of us will be that person....just let us know.

I wish you all of the good luck that can come your way. Please, Please let someone help you....and not necessarily with drugs.

take care,

02-09-2009, 08:15 PM
I am so happy you are talking to us. If anyone knows how you feel it is going to be the ones who are going through it just like you :wink: The first step is just admitting you need a shoulder to lean on and before you know it you will have a room full. I know that being the strong one all the time makes it a little tough to break down but we all need to let it out once in a while. My boyfriends mom once told me that it is ok to scream and shout that it is just not fair :!: javascript:emoticon(':!:') This does not mean that we are feeling sorry for ourselves, it just means we are exercising our natural right. Please, just keep talking to us and let us be there for you so that you are not going through this alone :) I am sending you happy thoughts and gentle hugs to help you tonight :angel:

02-10-2009, 01:37 AM
Purplepink :)

Im also a spiritual natured person, to me it sounds like your energy is emptying from you, do you meditate?, i find this always help when im low, the guys are right about speaking to your rhuemy, but on the other side of things, you need to reserve some energy for your self in helping yourself to get thru this :) i get energy from people around me, the sun, my crystals, and i store this energy for when im feeling like you are right now, do you like music? i love music, music is my life :D when im down i put the pod on and listen to some good tunes, i hope some of this helps you,


02-10-2009, 05:21 AM
Thank you all again, I really appreciate the responses. I actually go to the doc's on the 20th so i will keep you all updated. And yes, music is my life, it has been since i was a child, that is all i do and it always helps, i am listening to my ipod right now at work, but i am also learning the guitar right now. I once tried to meditate and it was so peaceful and relaxing i fell asleep :lol: i havent really tried it since then but i may give it a try whenever i get some free time.....Thanks again...love you all....ttyl

02-10-2009, 05:34 AM
Gentle hugs to ya purplepinkgirl

Keep in mind that the steroids can mess with your emotions as well. Sometimes it helps to know the cause of the emotional blahs and that once you are sorted out with your meds this too shall pass. Worth asking your doctor if this could be the root of it.

02-10-2009, 04:03 PM
AWWWWWW, Hi purplepinkgirl!

WOW, I can so relate. When i read your post it was like reading something I wrote. Im the one everyone calls and turns to also. It does hurt and there are days where you want to cry and/or scream.

It is hard for those people in our lives to understand how WE NEEDthem now. When youre there all the time being the caretaker those people are so used to taking from you they wont even consider for a moment that you just might NEED them sometimes.

My therapist told me its time to find new friends! lol Its true though,unfortunately we cant find new family members but ive found that i had to estrange myself from some for my own health.

This forum helped me alot with that situation though. I still am getting used to people listening and answering me!! lol

Very kind people here. I hope you find some new friends outside of this forum cuz it sounds like maybe you need to!

02-11-2009, 07:28 AM
I agree, I really do need some new friends who actually care about me. I have always cared so much for my friends and most of them really appreciate it and return the love. then there are those who dont even call or visit when you are in the hospital for weeks, but i have already distanced my self from them, but i just have to find how to open myself to those around me and i am having a hard time doing that because when i did they dont know how to respond and it feels as if im brushed off. i think it feels better to talk with those who understands first hand

02-11-2009, 08:16 AM
good morning purplepinkgirl,

I do not know your age, but I am 56 and have learned the unfortunate lesson that so often friendships that we think are forever, move away from each other. I have had what I though were life-long friendships that for whatever reason the friendship failed.

Even know that this is normal process of life, it still is not easy. Sorry you are experiencing this.

share a smile today,